some pray looking down, some do it looking up. some do not pray at all.

I found a letter adressed to Santa circa mora than 20 years ago

it asked questions to which my reaction blunted the reflection

on the mirror, on the puddle by the curb on which I forged strength to raise and carry on

got once we crawled so we may raise and erect walk in control of our very step

I firmly believe we recreate memories to better suit our needs in our sleep

renegates to the truth, we combat emotional damage with fairytales and happy endings

grey matter highs dissipate words that generate conflict in the sounds of resistance

to extend my hand towards a child and get them on the path,

that's not a lot to ask for Santa for, right?

looking feral and wild young one as the winter bites back

my mood worsens in rooten fashion, I do growl to the darkest dark

dig, scratch and act cold towards the good vibes tempo

be like a fool and lose all control but keep it a secret?

will it happen again? are we ear marked to become token entertainment?

the water chugged by cynical egocentric megalomaniacs and somehow stability

battles boredom as it pushes IQ upwards, morality to the sidewalk and few notice

if I could not change the world or know everything worth knowing

I sure would hope to had a crack and half a swing at doing this thing some call living and growing

up.

doctor what can you prescript, sad songs lately just do not quite hurt the same as if I was no longer welcomed nor invited to the ball and now I feel unsure I can love myself

crawling up my forearm

dragging along the guilt, bitter and daunting

at sight, venomous I am assured by insecurity

confused by the realization I cannot trust to identify what is real

distracted it was so fucking hard by the reflection of what composes the surroundings

lately my phone ringtone is my worse enemy and it did little

paralyzing my actions, controlling my reactions

pursuing to wash away the conflicts flying at a million miles that winter frostbite sensation of expectation meet disgrace

self-control is no longer enough and words might not suffice within the ears a buzz

to placate nor stem the overflow so loud that may follow

father you carved a map towards dignity without warning

that it stood so near and clear in an open rainy day across the dwarf gold

a leap away it sometimes blinds me from what I sought to strive, in full display should humanity triumphy upon thy enemy

a token anyway, do fade away dreamer of a dream as I choke tears

this scars and night terrors crash like wild waves at my core, my centre

chasing happiness like addictions chase highs, we never stood a chance

because we are not equal and that road is a hill on a steep incline friend

we are doomed to fail and I assure you should we suceed we would surely capsize

towards the other way and snowball towards our doom as surely as this tough love education

sows resentment and trapped screaming, there is however still skin to scratch

and doubt to nag at, have at, tryst at

I need not a doctor for my ailments  for

for you must understand it is self-inflicted  for

for my downfall can be prevented with due entrapment  for

bind my hands with handcuffs and leave me prisioner  for my sin is existing

as I struggle to my feet and jump off the ledge towards that rainbow

falling I do not forget is the easy way out, gravity is an ally you see?

I am stroke with curiosity to follow that same rain

downpour, down under

you ever felt the urge to run? well I just have to

I just cannot defy the urgency of today

when it surges and embraces so loud and clear

this is the way it has to be? that shit means nothing to me

you listen here, you do not own me and might as well disappear

blep blop off I go on a hop,

I am much better without and that I can be better still while waiting for a red moon to wish upon.

what remains, it follows.

dear diary, you can use me

draw blood upon the soaked page

let only the iron reside and linger

in the words that ramble and move

like static they dress down the perfect timing

holding my head in case it decides to roll under

the table once again in a feat of mischief

the supply of breadcrumbs is getting shorten

by greedy fucks with eyes on the hanging fruit

youth and boomers idolizing vampires wishing it could be them

not studying upclose the source material unfiltered

shapeless dreams gliding between certainty, diffusing nationalities

in principle we are all connected, a matter of conjecture hold in profund suspense

attaining the possible by peeling the wickness from within

a parting gift, felling the duality of hypocricy with a crunch

developing a better coping mechanism that supports repouse without due sacrifice

we shan't be content with anything short or less than uncomplicated

that would be bizarre. 

perhaps the wheel has turned.

can you trust what occupies the imagination?

bewildering and thumping nations redefined

a running gag of sorts, a mercy for a low blow

bruises that heal deeper than we intent to show

the new heights, walls we have yet to climb

foretold the dates disclosing the tribute

the ritual, routine and clockwork it demanded

we are afraid of war so we draw dilapidations of hope

greater objects overturned by machine manmade

men earned this desolation ringing at the heartstrings.

beginning to recuperate my breath pace

alongated nails whose metrics tempt me

as I grind imperfect teeth rolling on the tongue

kept shut, not much has changed since otherwise

in need for sun rays

what could not stop me left me for dead

December has rapidly become the most hated month

of this advancing calendar we have been forced upon

the aftermath of chance adds to the effect of fractured brokens

wounded prides, afflicted egos and children sat listening out for static

as the month closes so does the mouth.

Hair crawling atop your neck

round the bend, general panic

raise the stakes, up the antes let us start a war

the protector of this castle lays buried on that hill

by name we soon forget as the weight colapses without air on our chest

a disregard for what we want in exchange for what they got and boy do we care.

boyhood outgrown purpose, trampled upon with intent

the very same son, the very same blade we sharped

just good business for we are not animals.

 

to wrestle bread before hunger swallows us both, what a fraud

a peculiar charade tasting rather off

a slaver stings with discontent in a manner

where the gutting perseved lost is taxing

anxiety is put to rest

we are all overdue the reckoning

a fitting match to the sinking feeling some carry

with abiding breath.

hold on, teardrops only murk the evidence.

'today is the younger you will ever be' hereafter,

happier ever after? not quite sun and roses

in this cartoon we do heroin and breath through our mouths

lowkey we got toothache and yearn for a ride in the ol' times

ya' remember when hunger carved necessity and linked arms

bounded working limps in preservation in case you ever needed them?

now we fester, now we decay

I realize now in a shower resolution the affliction

my absolute distain for youth and looking mighty fucking young

the time bomb of isolation besieges me from below in domineering fashion

'of course, fuck', astonishing that it took me this long to aknowledge the issue

my bad, my mistake;

in truth, growing up I sought and conquered the herculean task of aproach

for I had a bounty to make 100 friends and for that I fought and conquered

play by and for play, children do not let details and social cues detach

nor language barriers or whatever be this fucked up universe overulling what beacons

never a slave to fastidious obstacles nor self-doubt

slaying demons left, right, center: what is lost or stolen can be replaced

now we adults are emptier for we carry hollow shells for souls

and heavier still we drown in regret and the waves crash against our supressing thick skull and skin

it comes to no surprise I hereby reject adulting all together,

fairy dust and all

I shall swallow Tinkerbell and all

I shan't ever grow up,

I did IN FACT that promise to myself and reignited and zealous fervor

indeed to keep whilst I am barely together myself

to mend, to heal

there is still time to keep the good word,

perhaps then reality hurts shall not scar so ugly

and if not, come and get me

I am outside making friends

instead of holding my breath and turning blue.

careful where you walk

you may find trampling broken dreams for glass

shattered amidsts the ruins of echoes from cries far

between the multitude of voices shown to amount to

a choke of valitation, may you rest in peace for the end

was violence through silence and to be fair that sounds

like hell to me, supressing words that we could let go

off knowing not what we misunderstood, spell out for me

what you meant with That instead of standing down arms

limps, legs, whatever built paradise might as well carried on

working to elevate, alleviate the pain we now share lost

in the crowd, a burden that glues emotion to the skull, pouring

a poison so fucking infectious that I feel compelled, invited

to jump, set off that gun

I used to not being okay with not feeling quite right

partial to the imbalance, sensible and ally to a cause

unified in the synergy palpable to the conscience

maybe I did grow older and bitter this year

an uphill battle we could I suppose watch pass us by

bystanders of change? spare me that holy river,

I like to think I remember the dead

in the same vein I wish to be held,

with due, earned, respect. (a hard boiled medicine that tastes like sand)

fortunately my blood cannot raise the dead,

believe me I tried (for scientific certainty).

same lament on repeat

heed the call of a daughter

felled by hatred towards someone else

filled a grave to replace my own

what may come must go once

the bell and burden taken hold

of putrid blood glistering, lukewarm

pouring from my enemy, my opponent

those we had to kill for they pray to false gods

now we believe in the Devil.

have a heart, dress code a merit, pause:

grindstone for a compromise

we shall see, tomorow;

first we dangle the legs at the edge

rope round the wrong bend

the World has turned a darker tone

at crossroads with twitching bad habits

sponsored by pills and debt alike

they do not help us sleep at night

awoken an empty lamp

a tale of discord and lame beasts of burden

a picture hard on the heartstrings

pity never quite fed anyone,

violence at the very least

as far as I can tell

left less mouths to feed

don't give me that stare

I never denied I am barely keeping it together myself

a reality of states adults keep under wraps

by being so obvious we disregard the possibility

the glass was half-empty and we are through with the tap

no point overthinking

what point is there in beating myself black and blue

if I am gone tone deaf and colourblind?

heck, I came to love this particular shade of grey

a mix of malady and cure, the homogeneous kind

that very cold that's sharp and takes your breath away

iluminating the life within, deep inside

splitting that gap, bridging the divide, reminding you are alive.

love is an acid trip, or so I was once told. I'm not into it.

a cigarette without filter

heaven bent by design

hell forged, restitute

acid liquifies, 

the great equaliser

no grace nor divine deviation

Acid tainted,

melt through

embrace both flesh and skeleton alike

confide in the puddle of my insides

oh object of my desire

blinding and misaligned

my blood does not constitute holy water

the solution was diluted

a genesis of cause reaction

Stop.

a most inauspicious port

a toxic combination of poor tact

and a rusty anchor set us adrift

what type of chorus 

interconnects with love at first sight?

even if it is one-sided?

crushed by intent

dangled swift

seagulls make for poor sailors

and meals, tough meat.

watch that blunt edge

read the sign

"love is an acid trip, or so I was once told. I'm not into it."

for the record I am confident it is a funky jazz

how to decipher where a river is better half spent?

does It care so as the water flows

it stems to defeat the chokehold we enforce

upon the meek and the weak

scratch that itch with a dagger

a pencil does not suffice for a gun

let us not pretend we didn't came out here to fight

a chimera may have less heads than a hydra

both are considered monsters just the same

none exist, make believe pretend

a diamond in the rough

a blunt discarded rock abrashed my heels

biting as it fled down stream,

didn't quite took notice but the curiosity took the best of me

a lingering fire fueled by an ache unknown

words are weightless

detached from flesh they sting just the same

as a sharp shadow triggers anxiety to the prisioner

aboard a tower which only door was colapsed

rain and prayers for tight lip companionship

some do not get second chances and that my friend

is why I consider Life as deeply unfair.

 

there lays hanged,

atop the mast of my bedroom

certainly the token tribute of cannon fodder

captain of my imagination when I travel

a soft reminder talents are not equal

a birthday gift of greater meaning

a painting drawn by sketch and hand alone

a man amongst the masses sits closer to the centre

a bay of sorts swallos all ships alike ashore

a row on each giving hand and colour aplenty

evening sun for a lighthouse

safety a beacon

home within reach

a totem that connects me to a friend

whose message agitates the waters

throw some powder to the flame men

release some inner violence, 

let us find out how many men need to be thrown off to keep a good one afloat

a shy road may curve

but it's limited in hold

the sea atones

sinks all waste 

on the current we return to the beginning

not a bad afternoon for low tide.

chronically online, absent and destined to fade away

chasing feelings like they can turn back

the clock that lay There, shattered

meaning to forcefully partake of change

by the grace of oneself, selfishly win against the system

this crocked diced hand we are given might divide us

unto more parts that we recognize as the wind picks up

and infects lovers oceans apart

seals another letter whose voice they contain

words we hear better still when the distance becomes years

they stockpile. domino effect that we couldn't possible hide

the chest was spilled open and we woke up shook

no greater grey past the screen

the silence faces the fake laughter as my adolescence passed me by

refusal of exchange of temperament of hurtin'

either we speak our mind or we suffocate and that fucks us up eh?

the absence of colour does not surprise

not what I needed to be honest

be what may

may it come quickly

for the chemistry was brief and left bruises that caved my being

I find myself addicted to the exaustion and digging at nothings

moody to a fault, I cannot let go

chewy wallpaper plug the hole inside my soul,

placate the bleeding before I lose all control:

I scratch, I headbutt, I faint

hands in the air off the driving wheel,

got nowhere else to go. 

a sharp memory turns out to be a lonely place

as the age burdens further

puts on airs of elegance but deep down

we know it is fake

those that died young burnt brighter

their ashes scatter to the wind and travel farther I swear

felt like forever was imprisioned in her lips

sweet like honey, red like the blood we crave

now that we wised up to the wait

in queue, fancy ourselves civilized but the truth is burning

in the tip of our tongue, in the particles we gave out unwillingly

now our tongue echoes, our bodies ache, feble spirits and mellower moods

a cripple society I personally condeeem to hell

look away, do not match eye contact and do hold your breath 'till you turn blue

bide us all farewell, the hallow pale conversions of our fucking ideal selves

it is not the loss we pretend to abdicate but the fact we came close

we tasted triumph and then, only then, we caved in. 

 

The day of the Dead

a mercy we envoke

a dance we never show

turning cogs we left out in the pouring rain to rust

on the intended purpose to conceal the fact the candle was melting at both ends

'till the fuel dries out and the oxygen is simply not enough to keep us in line.

 

a treasure sank a ship

mid course the crew swam

in the sharp dark-ice abyss

re-entry the circle of life

forcefully;

praying would not have changed a thing after all.

an open door casts a terrible visage

effort that came to conceal the unseen

a necessity that buys time and asks curiosity

for a brief reminder the boggyman is most certain

not.in.the.closet

under.your.bed

holding your heartbeat honest and accounted for

matching your breath.

The next December could be the last.

my spirit is forfeit, kept inbetween

a letter never sent, a reply lost to choice

an empty promise that eats away at the calender

round this fallen time of season where decay is glorious

and chestnuts burn ever lively in sole company of leaves we used to enjoy

branches, ramifications that died otherwise engaged in the cycle

for we cannot know, we do not see and it is eating me alive.

the bonfire alleviates the differences

like wax, skin loses grip and surrenders

wanted to satisfy both sides and equalize the table

spare some change gatekeeper, pearly jaded wings being

You of form, format and formulation

grant me a boon of wisdom so my realization can't take away

whatever justify my suffering

retrack my steps, put away bait and trap alike

regain the time wasted tempting fate 

for I have neglected to learn the lessons

so I wish to say

I hope there is still take to make it right with you.

_________________________________________________________________

there is a monster under my bed

I hear its crawls and I sense the lurk

the nail upon the wooden floor akin to a coffin

being scratched at, grappled with intent and desperation

rolling on the secrets I hid, festering in the horrors in pleasure

the stench intoxicating and revolting, pushing upwards on the ends of the end

calculating how can the topless Decembers without snow added up to be so naked

a multitude of echoes mingle like discarded armor clashing with solid ground

ever aproaching and bound to be savoury and bittersweet underneath

maybe that is for the better

the cold permeates my exposed skin

makes me remember clearly as it was designed

no softer blow as the days are cut short

a pause for the love both exchanged and cut short.

-

I once wanted to be a soldier

pay my duties

play a part

be a cog without vice

take upon arms and stand so very still

silent to the world

for there was little need to show

weakness for it was carved out

rebelness for it was stamped out

confusion for the captain goes down with the ship

all passangers are alike in this violent hill

faceless and mute we interlock arms for we bear no longer passion to the clauses,

rules and dissections may follow to better allocate joint from bone

or was it to separate and disfigurate? no...wait...

some things are probably best left well alone

unkept and ignored

 

"The worst thing about listening to old songs is that they make you remember those times when life was easy..."

my MP3 player is old and stuck on shuffle repeat,

supports me with the same old playlist when I am scared

please, come back and haunt me

I need that same old bedtime song to sleep.

I accidently peeked up

upwards, upstairs as I stretched my neck

a risk I was bound to take once I let go

of the knot rolling my tongue

felt quite like something

an experience I quite have had enough

for both trys, for surely I had to blink once

as silence quivers, wanting

one more time, the last and first time

we came apart, none to blame

friends dissipate, counted days, nothing left to say

it chilled my veins to realize my music taste, hobbies, the chain of event unfolded

do not quite match the aroma now new, now disgusting my very core

shaken, one again, we are once again counting days

no one left to ask, none to lie to or for.

a friend once drew a portrait quite alike his vision of my facade

a pretend pretending to actualize what's real, again.

in the end, all the plans for the pleasure of acting with a certain disregard

for dear life, ta-taka-take-takeitallfuckingfuck;

once I took a vow of silence

a week better spent quietly plotting what came next

do not quite recall what words came first, I must have written it somewhere

wanted to be sure it came out right

What is granted can be taken therefore I abdicated.

woodpecker woodpecker drilling at my door

what bringings can you pursue on the arms of Autuum 

what other tones of questionable timing can you suggest

the reading bores me and the words melt down the page

the rage will not subsise, my breathing stalling

the heat, the wave, the stationary consultation

to concede leap, defear or otherwise social etiquette

watch carefully for I might believe it myself.

firestarting a catastrophe we can barely recognize

no longer a parasite, the caged animal has had enough,

I can no longer bow to the sun and breath the concrete lining ofuscates

the splendor I claim for my own, thumpling the tower (used cards, burn the deck)

I always suspected my words could not change anything

To this day, livid, paranoid, absurdiny afraid to notice things have remained the same

my presence is eateble, digestable and overall not nutricious to the system

feel the pulse, take notice and remember well, did we ask for this?

my word is good

my promise holds steel truth

the shine translucent, toes quiver

eyes vibrate, a ride that we took for granted

once before, why not yet again?

may this claim dispel bad weather all the same

it is during sleep the thorn crown is laid to rest

in repose the chambers of thought lose face

and embrace the gratification we lived another day

the feeling of loneliness and fear is put to the sword

and we see dark, we merge, we fly ever and forever.

the angels present the vile stench of morarity

hold a second fella may I study this contract page ca-re-ful-ly

whilst that go take a hike, respectfully, before we have a scene

got a chip in my shoulder and the rat won't stop nagging at it

_____________________________________________________________

today we play! (the getaway alarm shattered)

we set loose the boundaries of society

moods shall swing, relationships lost and reforged

from stranger to brother we sank anew

amidst peers and friends for those that join

can't resist the earned title

enthusiasm, let's have some fun

curiosity or chance opportunistic coincidence eh

all bound to change as blood and energy levels pump

 __________________________________________________

the future is so. damm. noisy! blinding neon lights

those that do not blink. Imagine, has techonology zeroed out effort

the absolute nerve, and worse still, you can feel it at the pulse.

A belt of spacebars crowd the sky in patterns, accident free since 2200.

Odds are, next year, in 2201, we will still be dulled by outstanding A.I impulses

stunt perhaps by the lack of working lunges. or was it lungues and we discarded legs and exercise?

anyway, I miss colour really. I dreamt of nature and wildlife sporting along

the concrete jungle, the cities have it worse

the landscape multiple and unrepenting

vampires afraid of natural daylight, we better keep it dark

prolific and of a certain adquired taste, vultures exchanged for insomniacs

 the eye and lense fuse

a silver so unnatural it is theorized it does not exist. Levitated by the power of believing,

a marvel of

weird

F

our

________________________________________________________________________

Help was not coming

on the note of caution, it arrived late

the aroma of feeling out of discontent

they know something we will never know

a blossom of sorts, rubberband and swolen pride aside

yearly check-up, fair dues, yes doctor, no doctor, never doc

straigten back, held core, why not dream of something beatiful?

sapped of strength, defient to the lack of sight

shove over, I will dare die another day

leap and bounds, intact dental record mind you, sharp edges divulge conseguences

out of breath, contained in a song, always a song that promises empty truths so malleable

like the friendships that were meant to be started over never achieving true closure. 

you would do better not taking a peek after all

grey walls bled white by murky tempers and hasty hands

devour the crime, damage done the hard way

someone call this man, it has been a minute

bring a camera along, save the date, watch this space. 

__________________________________________________________________________

I turned my phone off and hooked a book from the shelf

one I face every year 'round this certain calendar stage

we come and go in waves in a lull state of wallowing and fever

not quite satisfied we meditate, mediating the burdens we destroy within

to pour out akin to a ritual tribute, mourn and bruises aside

we get talking in an empty room until we beg, we have had enough.

speculation thrives in a festering wound conceived at the womb

trial by desire we couldn't hide the scandal of what's wrong

a miracle the overgrown forest did not split concrete from skull

putting right fright to the cynicals, the absolute spectacle.

this is not a metaphor, we are miserable and have had quite frankly enough.

push and left to hang, the dirt carries a weight overbearing and it stinks of discontent

presently the bodies lay cold, too far gone and we cannot afford the proper burial

blissful prayers must suffice.

trade the soul for a chunk of bread and change

a penny we exchanged for the thought of hope

__________________________________________________________________________

I remember a time when my mom sang me to sleep

every single night she would dance with the stars

invoke heroes and princeses, legends and tales as tall

as the word could travel and her song rang true

her word was good.

time was cut short

memories decayed, 

faces now blurry

the laws dictate I forget the colour of her eyes

just as much as the earth shall take mine

tempers under control

promises on hold we are told we may let them go

for my anchor is my mantra, my temple, my sole existance in quake

my word is good.

_________________________________________________________________

saw a rat mouse about, spin around and dash into a bush

as rain splinked me into reality

pulling me out of a dream within a scene

I carry within me, taunting me to step inside

a warmer place where we dance atop tables

and the only bad thing how sleep separates us

interwined funeral with a homecoming celebration.

broken glass

fingers linger, they drag across skin, never with violence

a sting, the eletricity levitates a childish glow

we grimace nose to lip, happiness intertwines in my forehead

we are hopeless, of this we rest assure and we could not care less as we vibrate

the connection resonances between human skin and what's within

or so the chemicals want us to believe, fencing your worth, so be 

shrug my shoulders and brush off the dusty bits

console the heartbeat with a sway and whistle unto the wind

become one with the mellow feeling, ever needy and it shows

to feel skin crawl is such a trill, 

guess I am a megalomaniac, There, I said it.

do we get to eat the clouds now? decorate them a brighter lick past grey?

be taken in and swirl my head 'till it make us hurl

these fragilitiy of wordplay is merely a demo

the worse has yet to come and my hands cramp, fuck.

partial to human glow, charming I suppose

is it just me that juggles pain infused with small print

corresponding to conditions we forgot to meet

fighting fire with fire does not make it any easier

do you follow the heartbeat stuck on the inner walls?

can you time the hesitation, fresh from the exercise

where flesh meets the ground and nightmares creep in

dare joy match, the options are seemingly finite

light it, strike it, waste it all

second chances should not exist

cursed be the notion,

repent and lament this suffucating hope

that anchors and pins down under

on the hallow void where elephants wander

when they are due time;

may the sentence be fierced and nineteen lashes be added to their name,

so relentless, pursue skin with a lit cigarette and leave a burn

ask no further seeing you mistook my words for a spell

and a careful pursuit for mercy.

 

secrets leave me awake at night

they open the closet door, 

they leave the window ajar as a provocation

can't you see they are poisoning my mind?

tapping my feet, one, two, thr-

i ask myself how am i supposed to be

it was regal, a colour of distain stuck on the horizon

a pastel of hurt mixed with blood and broken hate

misguided, the fog sobers up

upwards the state, the stakes

so typical to dance to the rythm of someone else

we used to care so much and it shows

a note by the cadaver we drag alongside pride and self-doubt

it teethers and it blinks but it never disconnects

I feel it, make me vibrate and hurt

the precipice holds the song or so they see it

believe it it is not a miracle so get on my lap,

I hold the key but I hide it well, turn tail and make haste

lap around the bend and cut the cord that unites this disgrace

it does not get easier, they lie and they are not fine.

 

to be a stone cold killer is so oldschool

a forgetful tale of bullets and offline content

a throwaway age of waste and decay

far, far away wouldn't you say, eh?

a man hidden in children clothes

emerges from within abundant and clear

we do do nurture what we pray and sought for

despite the lost at any given battle we fought for

the war is not hopeless and the banner stands tall

complicated surely is an understatement to display sacrifice

battered beaten down men: faceless, nameless men we denied

a seat by the fire when they were and they are buried down under, cold.

a duality between a scream cut short, silver faces that were meant to be another day

 

hooked on ecstasy, tainted by paranoia and a scent of lost sleep

suddenly I am invaded by a near miss deep familiar sorrow

a creep, he lingers and borrows time

never felt like a profit, an investment worth the trouble

lesser demon, a petty thief distorting reality

it does dawn on me that I no longer spell O-B-E-Y

discontent with having my breath crawled down to an indecent pace

the hunger shall overcome the sinner.

 

we are too far past the boundaries of the dream

what is the piece I am missing?

where is safe to settle a home? why do they keep asking me why do I stand HERE like I need to justify

an hypocrite I came to resent society and look for excuses to lash out and dispel this rage

my walls tremble under my fist and I shrink face to face with the demon

she reaches out to me

inviting me towards the open door

promising me everything gets better on the other side

I half believe her and thankfully I have a terrible sense of direction

and stumble upon the crossroad to rest

a reprise of a vision that once came to me

one I pretended not to see nor believe

a soul, a romantic notion.

reconcile the taste of rain with the pain in her smile

the hunger in her eyes led to a deeper sorry state of sorrow

I was not careful nor did I care enough in accounts for bad weather

amidst this storm we feed the worms festering the ground

the very snakeskin we abandon becomes the memorabilia that electrifies the collection

a random prize, a fruitful bounty for the bareback bones of old

a hunters trophy we couldn't wait to return, looking over the shoulder

in a lovers wounded pride we bite down harder

ain't that a pretty fucking miracle?

it raises the hairs as I stroke my neck covered in sweat

stay your hand and observe the candle burn at both ends

they say we dug our own luck from pennies and fool's gold

they say the divine touch is a mistery, the devil bleeds drama

understanding what confort can attribute meaning to scars

with reckeless throwaway chatter we engage a revolving door

that does not placate the bleeding, this running well oh let the river flow freely

blank stares in raw disbelief interlocks eyes

occupies space we consider whole, where's the getaway car?

these are the games we lose at

rituals enchanting, unrelenting

sever bone, devour flesh, take apart the sheep

daughters no longer caged, fishes leashed by contempt

captured and trapped in the bottom of a barrel 

if we don't get over the fact we are different understand we drown young siren

betrayed by expectation, exposed to the wolfes

a sand clock shatters pouring, flushing out at an angle

that was deemed necessary, a voluntary proposition to hell

take confort in the scratch, the tear, the sharp ting as the teeth sink in

 

there is a trade-off in action

boredom negotiates with the fervour

there are trapped keywords seeking to escape

these prisioners on deathrow

destined for a wall stare down, 

matching the gaze of a rusty rifle waiting to go off

wanting, lusting, desperate and its will is not even

will the hunger take us first?

 

another year another tick pays installments

living rent free in my shallow mind

a vibration that dangles my neck

the headbang, the dizzy spell oscillated

perhaps my protectors have lost all hope

the negotiations were dropped and condeemed

hollow, shallow and impertinent needs

tattooed across the insides of my throat

underneath my upper stiff lip

across the wrist.

ever lost, never found.

 as the day stretch I wrestle down bubbles of moody evils loosely alike

the connections we draw they grow nearer to the heartbeat at times

I pick up the pieces and they dig deeper from the scabs to the heavier trenches

they bake within the friction, no longer obstacles of fiction they turn mistake as I turn pages

into a faded grey, the doom lingering feeling of finishing an epic novel and feeling empty

the caffein fades, the synergy disconnects and we enter a cursed state of half a person

bent in waking up without courage to run the course nor write a story

a mickey mouse avenue, the fool cruising for a bruse knocking on tables for attention

beware of the tumpling effect young soul may this life be best suited at a timely fashion

a hole we dig anew and rightly so identify as a fresh take on burrowing time by burying it

with uneventful pursuits, stalking fear underground where no man can see the sky

and therefore the stars cannot guide the lost, the confused and we partake of the hologram after all

an halos can be a shadow, a mirage on the guise of self-reindentification

re-tries are finite but boy do we love seeing the fire burn on the colder nights

the embers eclipse all worries, melting and vibrating in a chanting dance that pulls you in

a chemical draw we do not respulve for we do not possess the instinct nor desire to avoid said flame

sit about as paradise floats about ever fleeting and etherial friend for we choke words and apologies

a bitter remedy for the hours we no longer share and the space between us we did not pace and no longer felt hidden meanings, if we regret it we don't remember.

can, shall, would measure and that is just not okay.

in the face of reckoning we whisper a curse disguised as a question

can pure, eternal power sweep the fallen and pull them further

to the realm of peace. 

in absolute overwhelming absolving not splelicit absolution

a decisive strike

may we come to regret it too

even good things must come to an end

so why must sadness invade ahead of time? and take sweet revenge in my storm

how dare you be calm as the sound drums louder.

I would do it again despite the outcome

two shots down and I can no longer read the danger signs

may the kingdom colapse at the threshold

may the gate sustain and endure enough along the curbs

for my people need passage and my back cannot carry them.

that is a villainy and at the bottom of a bottle we find a failing problem

liver colapses and we drown sorrows for we are scared of dying

it is both hard to satisfy and to realize triumph

for we are bugs to be stepped upon

or giants swole with contempt

 coveted, intoxicating, bruisers for love bites

down to the core the particles walk with us;

we haven't had enough:

the angel struggled in the fall

it did little to alter the blow

or soften the ground

paralyzed by the recognition that we are flawed by design.

gonna enact a battle and stand there like money

was a walk in the cellar, hostage and all

we carry on and clap as the show has us calm in the palm feeling like prestine casanovas

hella' alive, we feel better with cigarettes marks in our arms and scars in our hearts

a massacre must unfold, remember we asked for this

exchanged friends for trophies

the children too

lord we spared none

and now there is no one to take our cause,

to take us out of the dark.

pulled curtains at sunrise

 the very earth is burning, enough to be taken from me

this lothing, this feverish relentless everlasting bad to worse tendencies

erupt already you fiend, concede defeat in this hellish wave

the one of many to come should we not repent.

 

vanity is taken for granted and I feel no shame

it pains me to no end to drag the carnage forward

to satisfy peace of mind we condeem others to the evidence

we partake of their flesh in binding, desperate, love intrusions

take shelter in the skin leaving no space, leapfrog to the end

peel off this hunger layer by bite by nail by eye

break bones, break a sweat, no turning back now.

can one capture this bark shell of instinct

and institutionalize it, frame the middle man

to compensate for his lost we shall blurry the screen

ofuscate the audience and keep them guessing

it adds to the dramatic effect and delays repeating lines

no need for subtitles for the lost and those confused

by the time they realize the crime we will be far away.

 

my memoirs hurt me

anxiety steals my breath

a sort of phantom pain chases me in the silence

I stop, I break

I begin to dream again, in those moments I do not bleed

nor know who I am

in a silver ring I linger a promise to try

and so I drag myself towards a perceived finishing line,

may it be allowed.

lonely for the company of looking gazes and giving in

disgust has mellowed the meal

invaded my kingdom through force

impaled my lover, pursued by maggots

hate is not a choice, rather the remedy of sanity

provided one reaches a distrusted state of faith and never looks back.

my destiny stole my smile

devoured my sympathies, spoiled of wars to those granted lesser evils

regret of no conseguence as the throne has been adjourned 'till breathing moments past

long buried and forgotten, exchanged for grim nights in the dark.

chump at those nails you greedy fuck as air escapes your lungs,

pressure mounts atop your chest compressing, narrowing the canals of hope as despair festers

and travels deep, it drinks deep, the only thing that desires your heart and blood.

 

bide my wishes lightbringer, oppose my foretold song

it does take a tall toll for a poor soul in a state of decay and rot

spilt poison whilst coasting, swallowed whole by the undertow

truly it didn't take shape as despair dissipated by misfortune comes and goes

perhaps a broken mans purpose is to feed the fishes.

 

a storyteller exchanged his missive for my tongue

 to speak this frustration once unknown, spread this word and be mad at an inferior clone

travelling from ear to mouth to mind, one fool at the time

where else should a charlaton to go with tremendous abandon once the sky has fallen?

 exercise caution least you wake the weak, the feble and those without a cause

for you see they hunger for a justification and restless they hunger for proper freedom

a true pandemic virus, I wish I could call the now extinct thought police to solve this catastrophe

elated by a challenge to throw our lifes away as we contemplate a hopeful cure that we fragmented

at once at arms always ignorant and yet self-assured this is the one exclusive way to pull the trigger

who the fuck bought a gun to a civilized discussion? gut this swine and find his family at once.

blood rushes to my head, never in my wildest dreams could I realize to become THAT guy

a slave to the game, too illiterate to prime ahead with a clear understanding of rules and stategy

swinging at the trees, climbing only to fall back down, not quite a fly move

who the fuck set this forsaken timer to the terms, an accord so black and mean

we ain't about logivity do we look like we count more than hours?

 

devil by my ear, ever lasting youth and a dreamy despair petrifiying gaze what has happen

for you to harpoon me with words that linger in my head

do come a little closer and keep us company, be a good storyteller

and improve what comes next, one be all we ever needer or wanted

awaiting an heart attack the seal the contract, not at all a bad disease that puts me at ease

what is there to cure for the self-injured, those insecure and of need, want and tripping affairs

that one could better medicate satisfaction without absolving the victim for the crime

requires punishment and that takes time, timing and precisely being deeply aware of thy enemy.

 

this hunger for fantasy takes me for a spin and wants me to fall in

a dark abyss that I DO want to enable and trust

no matter the cost.

not okay with the past.

a crow with a crooked back

clipped wings and broken beak

found his way to me yesteryear

to the date, the hour, the minutes of this uneventual meeting which

the bizarre cannot detach

a similar experience may scar and take will to heal

should we feel want for, I pray we do: 

I would do it again.

a dirty doomed scrawny living thing

what, who and why has Death so narrowly shoved you my way friend?

instead you throw no weight, get carried by the jail of the Wind ever binding

at mercy, unrepending; unto me, my arms, my open door

both starving for answers

stuffed and weary of pilling on further questions.

 

chosen to be seen

apparition you Are deformed 

afraid of what's to come

they pass the time playing cards

and I throw a tantrum and bicker

for I have not been invited to join table

pour myself a drink, rest a while, listening out for my name just in case.

Improved upon + can my god take us back * freely given in vain

 a man, monk in gowns                                                              

fashionably late should society dictate                                     

overlaps our heroine personal space          

serene, simulatenously at ease and not

at all imposing

his eyes were not shut nor shone

for he had open tears for sockets 

and a shallow breath you see

an added terror to our girls surprise

Emotions are not building blocks

Just as well they feel incompatible

found wanting by a current

into the typhoon we go

absolved of all unrequested alibis

a nose drop, an eye twitch

a most necessary facial reset

is happiness a buried default state of mind?

of the sane weightless capacity per tranquility

a removed cousin perhaps of those already dead

may they come back to haunt me.

face to face, space shrinking

tiny quarters and yet we quarrel silently

they stand like statues as the urban zombies slide by

an attack, an intrusion

undeniable, unforgiveable, scowl and hiss

spill poison and be done with it all 

choking tears because we do not identify where to go

"you can give sight to the blind

but you cannot force them to see."

mistery akin to hope is a deadly drug

not to be trusted, do not pursue don't you see?

how travel lust can not be sated

how could we stand to be grounded once we learnt how to fly

digging deeper at the root of the possibilities

i shan't go just yet. it is my time in the spinning wheel.

writing naked in a lonely place

unsafe, unclean, not quite ever enough space

this graceful memories I hold a sentimental stake over

they put the devils eye upon me, no longer said to trust

high marks, a great achiever, we look away awaiting for dust to flirt

because no one ever calls, words in a screen carry less weight

not good enough after all is said and done.

replace my blood for gold

substitute my lungs for machine (parts)

with vibrant silver lux we pour top to bottom

oil, expensive metal and many other things

chips that connect, whatever for we forget

the bluesprints we cannot understand

the plans have outgrown the scale

the only castle I was ever capable of explaining

I thumpled these cards and stained them with blood

off a cut of a finger 

and for that I am ashamed:

I shall do it again,

this time I felt the cut run deeper

the whispers louder, the flush stronger

it is a mercy truly to take it easy it seems

playing with my senses hoping it eventually makes sense.

taken legacy for granted in exchange for peace of mind

pushing back, down, in vain we breath in unison

an act of mercy, a respite for the broken denied a place to go

thought the meaning of life would slide by the door

just as the flood tied up and they gorged in drink

bloaded walking corpses meant to explode a cheap coffin

searching high and low for the rulebook 

acknowledging that if this roundabout is a game

some are bound to lose, thrown out with revered silence

your compromise is an happy median to a disgusting degrading empathy

hope cannot feed the blind, nor force them to see

your kingdom in ashes father

the broken bones exposed, unburied and these wounds

festering cadavers starving for sinners

hold my hand for once as we step into the sun

so it might toast us clean of this flesh that became our downfall

no salvation without judgement: your fucking words not mine,

I merely come here standing in pursuit, a hard testament to an attempt of clinginess

sex a birth call that in contempt granted me parents that selfishly left me far too soon

did not need nor wished for me and were therefore blessed with 3 too many

I fear all this is as true as the defiant gravity. 

dehydrade, starve thus a suffocating waiting.

tack

overrated mistep have lead me astray

so far as they can tell me 

denying me this nostalgia

this sickening familiarity that binds me

shadow pray tell me what figure seeks to suffocate me

what lines and dark whispers, cracked half-words and blurred faces

this hope, this saudade, this half-hearted wave of a divine soul

I would chop it, sap it, get a fat straw up that bitch

clear house without need for a knife

nor help from a wife to know the meaning of my life.

 

a dread that left me for dead

this self contained distance has a purpose

a masterplan that enquotes whatever I meant I said

the rust of times begone will free the shackles

the anchor has been sealed bound to a new route

and should the dust settle so too I shall merge

bone to earth and dirt no longer condescending

a less fucked up erotic bend of flesh, call me crazy

all I might beg for should my tongue turn

whiplash from wishing to take what was not mine

restless and unsettled 

do not bury from on my back as that sounds mundane.

 

strangers do not aproach me for I do not give in

I do not offer silence, an empty smile in calm control

they do not confide, I no longer appeal to the wounded

to those whose tears need hiding

jesus christ has perhaps left this vessel of advise

how can irony poison ever so wicked That hope for better days

where I may stand still and observe quietly without disturb

and so my walking tomb is now the abundance of this goodness

 

I fear that same liberating scream will incriminate me and inprison me

a jacket is not that much better company 

I gather from the ill, the enferme and the weak

those who feel low, blue or on the knock-down agenda

as if they no longer belong and cannot kick that habit as it bites strong

I keep them all in my prayers every single night.

 

can grace bend

can blood wash away real realization

for true hunger cannot be felled

do not bring doom, gloom and evil to thy neighborhood

disengage with these malpractises and carnal ways at the frontier

no son, that chark is a body mark

shallow hard at the sight of this dark omens

breath harder, take notice of the infection

mine now, mine.

left alone in the wake of dawn

tick.

recreate my age, my idea, my good days. then leave me alone so I can ruin them.

 I do not recall the first word I spoke

nor the second, third, however many

however few collected petals that blew

off my mouth into the radiance of said spectacle

to no avail I forget with reckeless abandon

many other first checkpoints, tracks of progress

civilized installement might one betray

should fancy, substance or love enter your being

medicate at once my friend, at once uproot and be

on the uptake and lift off before the timestop sand runs out.

these were not fences that we sought out to ignore

a new confession, this hurdles are a sight of misdirection

that we presently resolve only to surrender

adressing by playing dumb

when it appeases you.

 

carry stock but not for the hungry

nor the poor much less because I ought to

I simply felt like adding weight to my task

value in delaying my step and transmutating worth

with coin, with token decorative vases and purses

so-so we dangle, we debacle and we exchange

a row, a rouse and a futile intervention

nothing too serious and most pertinent to state

it has nothing to do with you,

good day.

today's gone quick

here's a heed, a shoutout without thiumph

a cry without a hump, skip or fallout

nor anthem, tradition neither.

so easy to slip in without getting what we want

a true nail bitter to bet on the winning team

whilst everyone looks up to the off chance the underdog

overperforms, comes clutch if only the Empire wasn't aflame

seeing I am an animal do I dare drum my chest and roar alike

to a one step, two step carnivore. to devour my lunch all at once. Gulp

is this sudden gravity pull divine intervention?

or a magical spell singing back to reality

in this garden we are but mere seeds

or so this orbit ought to be a blessing of the stars

a lesson learnt a sun daze

hearts beating as we carry on

hangman oh hangman

for what orders do we execute the chosen

what determines who scars and who scatters

what sense be to be left wondering

let this distance be a cosmic drive

this disease is not an infected it's a parasite

a roadkill is an afterthought of beaty

sprayed blood flat out stuck on a loop

'till the shovel from the graveyard shifts it

ain't it a fucking miracle to perform what one before was unable?

yesteryear I cave in to the supression, nowadays I crave it

order me around, set me alight with discipline for my life feels unstable

need a golden star to feel worthwhile the effort of existing

this thirst will lead me to be splat out on the pavement if nothing else

it is no coincidence that mental health has been shot lately

this entire decade is a painful mess and we culturaly drown in stress

we forward hope in an email #unholy morals, thoughts and prayers

salvation revolves about bunkering down on the worse days

unable to tell the difference between bad and good decisions

casting a wide net for the tips that we haven't burnt off yet

all I got left is a chewed leave and a head deeply flawed

stuck in getting it wrong and remembering it well,

chastised when the morning glory fades

if the world spins around the bottom and the top shall mix in

eventually we will not be so different.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

when the room is locked by clutter pilling the window

all is not well!

inside stripped walls

that fire licked clean

and held in contempt truth the told

we best not try that again

I miss the way she said my name

the way she tasted

stone, brick and morta stood

where life no longer could nor should

do rats chatter with other close quarter pests?

do hold suspense and a stiff upper lip? (disregard firmly the bottom one)

If they habit as refugees

they navigate the fog of silence well enough

words a villain

deflate and bite

taken aback by what took shape

a receipt of what needed paying. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

It is not grace that brushes off

the licks that mark the taste

the feverous excitment due pause

caution euphoria might be traumatic and toxic

leaving you well topped up on the meaning of pleasure

left running on fumes

for a season, termper circunvent and drag

ON

OFF we descale, dismember and pronunce (carefully)

Emphasis on sublime crimes skin tight fitting remedy

an adjustment for the cynical world gone clinical by circunstance

do march in flatten sounds, not certain of being human (are we positive)

in this race, breed, king we shall agreeable

remark a monstrous feat, trait, flaw as if we were already dead. 

after all only the dead can be heros and those titles taken

as historians cycle generations. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

frown upon the complement, the praise, the acceptance

simple goods, good words ensnares, traps, eat the given soul

tougher on the outside

how alike, how hip to quantify the noble capacity of an elephant

gentil and slow, calm and serene

 

Do great things amount to greater age?

or, perhaps, is it the attraction of scales

a transplant of elderly wisdom to be last protected?

exempt, if chosen, to be preserved in a turtle soup bowl

which, mind me, is fucking delicious

as my eyes narrow in the presence of prey

do the (act) of squeezing sharpen the mind?

is the contraction producing brain juices

rational dew to channel and facilitate the operation

as thoughts collide so do cogs

the remainer impales and scatters the same gifted eyes

the wondrous orbs slimey and luminous gatekeepers

cousins of course of every other orifice

I crave attention. I dream of wanting to aspire greatness. My levels of ambition feel farther from a distance.

sell what's mine and keep what' yours

gifted those that obscure the rough stream

holy courage can feel tough, dumb shit

felt empty from inside so I said good-bye

scrolled down for a word of motivation, topped up

blank faces of those that live unsure of status, hey, huh, oh

as if we are already dead, make some space don't forget to subscr-

disregard the currency of pixelated art, can envy poison more than souls

drop the sham and therefore this phone call. as stars explode we write

of demons we love to hate to talk, think and test ourselves against

a foreign grain whose taste is rather adquired with moderate intent

lacked time to burn the candle of this one

all we give is spent and yet we keep track

perceived emotional investments, count me out.

 

a revolution draws near so foretold the butterflies

at the bottom of my guts tearing me kind of pain

as the toxins run finite we regain colour and we try again

after all we are human, we are not so different

we enjoy the moon and not getting over the leap

 

That threw us around the bend

inviting us to stay down, us the unworthy

afraid to make any sound, whatever might appeal

to a predator's assault, meaning, better breath me in

a welcoming smile by the morning.

the right words overrated

the connections a mismatched on a cut circuit

the string misused for ill purpose, grim gain and

 

I find disconfort in knowing I lost my way

struggling to get up and navigate the storm of present days.

 if my words sting: your contribution cannot justify

what a fucking waste of time, at least we got to try

rocking the boat as we clashed paddles, opposing forces

collision that sparks the world ender, about time we get in

the mix of tryouts that give everyone just their fair share of hell

hey mister bossman won't you lend me shelter, feed and guide me

towards a better reality than the one making me feel down

like proper shit down my throat, stepped on a mighty pothole

is this disease of circunstance irreversable and ever suddenly

forever calling foward, fighting, a cold fire poking and pestering

lie to me and bury me slowly so to better entertain my enemies

curse this road, all the traffic and the deadman whose amputation

will not aid any ressurection nor CPR that much I know!?

my heartbeat is out of control and I am afraid to inhale in case my ribcage gives in

the timer has ticked over and the devil is urging me to act out

if god would send me an angel would I recognize it?

a giving gift filled with grace and no trickery

nor disappointment or poison to curve my smile

May, April soon turns to June, July

where the waves are not not alike

and the ground turns just as

we found ourselves lagging behind

beneath the burst of radiance we shrink

cower in the dilluded rain we mistook for gold

the very air fellow humans is polluded

we shot, we strangle those we are instructed to

blue hair, blue lips, blue skies

fair skin, marble bones, white crumbling nails

nimble nibbbles and disassemble, rearrange what's left

so easily agony dearest takes hold of me

back turn to the sun, interaction an enemy

the very air an obscure premonition of what can be

lucidity a fantasy that makes me livid, now that's beginning

to feel old: I surrender.

my drug dealer has retired and became a baker.

 all sorts of fade outs without a pick-me-up

the words come out but I recognize the touchdown

of whiskey cola and ageless routines

where the afterparties are at dawn

and empty conversations lead to stranger beds

bow over and take whatever pleasantries broken hearts

shards, pieces and ruined curtains on good days!

bargain at will as long as you are willing to bend the truth

once found twice gone all the way, to the priests funeral

we obey and dig our own grave.

candy we peddle, colourful tasteful belogings we exchange

for gold and favour that steals sleep or makes you weak

to glass, song or the inbetween of world colliding

whichever feat that steals breath and scares the living shit out of me

nothing new, the doctor tells me he cannot help those afraid to die.

so valor I pursue, love I endure and creativity I lounge for

respectfully declined in a devout angled situation of wall to body

starring away at very detailed nothings linking no dots

no pattern, no knock-on affections to play for in the distance

towards the escape, a getaway from word to worth

the spoken triangulations be dammed

feel the holy spirit disengage from a primal bellow

the volume expand the pages tear apart my expectations

a burning wreckage we call hope is static and not at all well guarded

who should pray for the undead may himself be disregarded

as clinically better off dead and may it be painfully drawn

his organ preserved and dignity harvested for future recollection

to bestow upon my maker a greater insult and revolutionize the disease

love and living are both terminal that much strikes me as concrete

firm well travelled road that too often is lumpy, deemed unfit for purpose

and generally speaking intent in making the jorney unsatisfatory, the horror

fits the design, the meltdown of a sneeze strikes the systematic shutdown

of all my very being (that of course not amounting to an awful lot)

partial to the tickles and funny caracter, my oh my, prickle me

as if a bleed out is not a refining action demanding (a) taste.

addicted to lips and eyes. too rattled to be any trouble.

 stroke still water, felt my breath sink to the bottom

of this frozen lake whose tint bleeds as a darker monster

silent, whooly blown out of proportion by my human frame

kneeled in treacherous worship as my fears grow stronger

and my paranoid floats above the crystal line shined by the star

science calls Sun and others prayed towards absolution certain of His answer.

no wonder the word cannot be stopped

lies and truth grey out post-haste once decoted by hate

a cloud makes me recognize what was once mine

or so I perhaps imagined, ballooning with pride

not a care for step, the very plants I crushed. unworthy of tenderness

thats the type of man I was, am and shall be if my legs allow me to escape

this maze for a head should I not trade its place with the cold hands

that deceive, deflect and objectively cannot see for me

peeking bird do you know whose word

as the fire consumed best from the mess

generated heat that came from grit and grinded teeth

fermentation to the blind, dust to the hungry, hope to the blameless

happy people drown in the rage Hate could not abstain

so let the parade through, please, do complain.

peeking bird do you know if it be true

that every soul is kept safe by vigil of a guardian angel

the sweats in the middle of the night do not detain

my faith in the method of madness one could obstruct

lounging for more sadness what's the point of wasting away

money, fame, beaty, stability and we all end up the same

just as well some clever people travel first class

this deviation a toxic I cannot distill, a high without comedown

a mirage whose hunger a marathon cannot quell

the same grip that two bodies magnetized together be binding

a promise without words to describe is both at fault

to the ignorant and those too wise to try. 

equality by default. ironic.

tell me bird as we interlook eyes, do you too hunger for mine?

can silence be tone deaf? how come I find myself at a lost

not an illusion but rather an echo, a repetition

the same themes in vain, the same rhythm language and words

do all souls taste the same?

Whoever flooded this womb I partook of birth 

piece by piece I cracked the egg wide open

burst crying outright dammed it all

imploring the good doctor pray tell who else

but me, should engage in fortunate growth

plural education and nurture the fertile land

step by step cross the merry land and rearrange

my brain matter with social engagements of sort

good mother how lucky are we to be gifted a silent night

 one that plays tricks and never apologizes

no victimization for you and me for we have known haven

a golden shore that reflects the power of the saint's word

in the darkest hour we do come together 

however fleeting and bittersweet.  

 

a beard grants no more wisdom

than good conversating instills boredom

aches call prayers from within the flesh

 persistance bore fruit

the spell wore off - inform the people

time to kill or stand still

exercising futility as the blood runs deeper

tiresome to take shots at a dull target

what is this rash decision contaminating

what if the fight, the struggle, the ample sophistication

aged well? controlled, believe it, an art form crawls

a plastic plaything buried unapologetic because inane objects

are a drug that runs in the family. 

a thousand cuts signal doom through smokescreens

no apologizes can erase words bespoken

left burning desires bitter in the tongue

cutthroat indeed as wide as the ocean can swallow

the same fragility that belongs to the lifes lost

by adventurers in carelessly die atop desolated mountains

bones rotten, souls adrift, captain of no ship or vessel

That might prove a lesson to those crossing right past

river of blood rushing, pouring, 

enerving waking up call

no longer drums, a siren

a forbidden softer rythem

from just to stormy weather

all is imagination and untold wasteful honey

golden legacy stolen from the sun

never sweeter than taken off a children's grasp

chopping teeth and coercing a surrender together

 to the hive mind we bow together

merrier candy for those left starring at the mirror

cycle once cycle twice, faded to repeat the circle

we say we are okay, tormented by empty words

that feel like waves crashing in hallow shore

daring admission, it is dangerous to travel alone

a leer to the crowd sparks concern that is tangible

to a polished believe from the looking type

a voyage towards the open seas held by prayer

word by word lighter and stronger, a waste of have, held, touched and thrown

a turn off, was not careful with what was a true lesson to shine upon the dying light

a turtle carries her whole home atop her back

lift off, seafare and all it takes one I am lead to believe

the wind calls to me ever fleeting and the anxiety is suffocating

exausting to act like a person that I do not know

nor can come to grips that I do not trust

a skin that trips me under a minefield of insecurities

I get spiked by the turbulense of curiosity

poke, probe and caress 

grab it and spin it

allow these million spikes to bleed me out

deconstruct mayfare better weather

on clever words without you

on the day we disappear amongst dust

from fame to widespread tumult

is it known secrets are best left alone.

what's so special about you?

braving the cold right to put up a poor fight

flag up the committal to flee on self-imposed exile

let it known nothing of remote importance shall change.

a rifting day whoever few that might give pause and a gentle shake as the world trembles and hope echos.

found a discarding car toy the other day

an older model granted

rusty and looking hella defeated

not worth a burial through fire

so I did what an adult should

sat on a pool of still water and homeless piss

and swang the vroom vroom gotta go fast

childhood no longer on hold

 we are just playing around lalala

straight to the store buy some Lego

found my limits face up into concrete

a car is not my enemy, may this anger be dead to me

 

repurposing humans or perhaps

as we take control anew and descent into

craving and animalistic instincts of struggle

be it faith or binding sounds of souls clashing

whatever floats: be it liquor (liquid truth)

 it hurts, hurts, hurts and it gets to me

my thorny crown is a civilized act of defience

fed by blood echos from victories left behind

call the police and desecrate this victim

compare their scars beneath the grey skin

desiccate the body, mummify the soul dangling

on borrowed time that we cannot hide nor deny

a tamed animal wants not for a cage or string

a command shan't suffice for he crawls under the hold

strangling sound of a stare that beckons the very stale air

 

I wish him goodbye but a confirmed farewell

 

may we never be saved

may we agree to disagree and fight to our merry deaths

may you leave and never return

 

find the door broken in 

in ashes all you ever loved

find yourself alone

may this chest implode without forged commitment

lungs empty devoid of all trust

all because of you.

darkness a tempting blanket once the alarm kicks in

reality comes a calling and gets your name wrong again

feel up the rooml, slow breaths in to embrace the familiary

eyes shut, head first it is the silence that garantees

the expected normality or so I pray

I remember those nights when the shadows talked back

deformed and face blurry, knuckles bloody 

certain I held the goodbye but truly

did I fail to register a reply?

when I wake up holding my other hand

was that my undoing? or otherworldly intervention

a foggy detached mind can invite itself

to rad tappy travels, tacky and hungry

for release, rebuild a throne and start anew

because of you.

 

granted with chewed ankles one can still crawl

to chance upon a psycho whose lungs I might bestow

new air fuiled by adrenaline for if our destiny collide

I just might just eat them whole to fill up my soul

put right to the weight atop my chrest 

to permiate this guilt with justifiable blood

'till death do me apart demark clearly

why, how, when was my spirit broken

a loopy trade, sought after and dug up

 

inhale a moment of repress from running from regret for so long

tempted to take a break now that my lungs fill up so gently

I recall star sparks and wishing for different times

from feeling robbed to failing to decompress the constricts of my head

a satellite that troubles me so

so loud yet so clear

shouldn't had missed the funeral

allbecauseofyouohhIamdead.

coffee stains

 hear hear, they have found a way to kill the sun

alongside the frenemy that pierced the heavens

betrayed our principles and assassinated our logistics

came and dined at our table and slept with our spouse

in a mighty rouse, silver tongue and decadent risks

to just get what I can take away

a piece of new anew renew close to my heart

clear the words stuck on my throat 'fraid it caught on

regurgitated desire a tall tale left trailing like a donkey's tail

stubborn and foolish drowns at the well on the fairytale

decapitaded on Monday, a cursed day for utter pointless reasons

those that leave home willingly and still resent the merry crushed berry

they don't even like jam and yet the music tune lingers

haunting ear drums out of their depth: never alone 

afraid of fear

waiting to come down 

mocking the ground

 

up here we are safe, closer to the cosy mercy of the sun

doesn't take a fancy of genial inclination to be spent

and trilled by the sights uphill what wonders

and mysteries are resolved by splendor and distractions

raised stakes and burned testaments playing devils advocate

 a species scopes potential: controlled mutation

 

heroes death are stories foretold granted all along

they are bodies to the crematory either way

poor, sane or grey skinned

battle fit or white flag carrier 

only those that bare scars truth be told

are left behind, broken and bent

beyond repair, war a loom

greed the feet hard stuck on the pedal

calibrated to eternity the cost all blood on earth

as just as long as it misses Me

by all means set fire to the passions of old

outside of the corners of my desires

is the dragged skid marks of what I am

tyre reused, belongings of my parents

shown or lack of, it does not matter now

personal duty fucks me up over what I should do

to become a better human since society dictates

I should be something that not a mixed race man. 

do you know how to deconstruct a nose? or a noose? what about a broken spell?

 repeating on ocasion

on a loop that casts a longer shadow

under the borrowed brow of a show and tell

under a spell which sings the child to sleep

had my phone turned off I guess

silent and defiant we engage comatose parades

from birth to the grave we serenate 

moody and a sort of fucked up colour faded strength

when we do get to meet

we regret it however brief

we tend to repeat

 past blinding grievences 

we do carry in grief

a mourning slumber upon the shoulders

that we missed the shot at throwing it past

what was said and done

neurodic, allegory, effing fine planitude can too exaust

fake love a sorrow paperthin

the paper castle woke up the dragon whose yawns are toxic and killed the princess

flesh bleeding wounds scratch on repeat

I meant less harm and more feverous grace

to leave a mark on detachment 

however tender and brief

this pounded meat branded issues

that somehow got out of hand

booted up what's given, quick, freely flowing

on tap, not worth a penny, stuck, in a loop, on repeat

 there's a fly buzz serenating in my bedroom

contemplating the infection of a circular disaster

the devil's contract a product of contraband 

a defected rectangular human skin marvel of the underground

nurtured by war, famine and disease soon to be followed by death

humanities darkest hour is upon those that forgotten how to pray

snowflakes have lingered as dawn departs upon a new year

I pray my resolve shan't falter and betray

the devotion of my past pretense, forgotten and abandoned 

to cast a longer shadow atop the hilt of a drawn greatsword

awaken breathing gates tremble as the dreaded name is forsaken

escaping lips best left in selfish regret: troubled cause

however much was lose beneath the crashing bay in this city

where adults are dreamers that have given up and grown up

always looking down, eyes so heavy that they borrow the ground

they stink of grounded sunflower dust crushed by heavy metals

telling stress weights down grave pale faces quietly telling 

whatever reasons they found to be stuck in a life that is bleeding out nevertheless

the candle is extinct, the traces foolish

no disease nor decay can cleanse a hopeless cause

to afraid to turn around and engage

thought process vanished

if life goes on do we comedown from meltdowns?

does it get more bearable to take a letdown

vanquished.