domingo, 13 de dezembro de 2020

Season of crashed lies

 shattered glass, crooked frame

6am and a stretch fares damm well

love junkie on the prowl, bloodshot screaming eyes

resentment is the enemy

defeat the aftertaste that taints the water

revitalize as a token of mercy


this gift remiss of words unspoken

few years gone by the bus window

a pillar of waiting the storm

out of breath, out of dreams

cannot match the eyes on the bathroom mirror 

admiring the sink drain spit, blood and tears

this hurt a gargoyle of age,

always late

when one speaks his mind


when the lungs alert me to the fact

they are collapsing due to the altitude

as the rope dangles and the brow stick to the clouds

carrying my sweat and doubts

as my mate holds my life unto a rope and metal device

I grind foolishness to dust

the journey to the peak fulfils my necessities

this course a remedy that delays the trigger


in the walls my weakness is exposed

and boy, does that canny beauty steal my breath

it gets exactly what the horizon deserves. 

quinta-feira, 3 de dezembro de 2020

 I toggle peace of mind at night
a hard reset of what hides inside
what the sheets cannot strangle soon creeps from within
a rush, panic instills in a vibe that surges you awake
petrified and weary, unwilling to run
in denial, afraid of the morning dawn
burdened by the still cries of the unborn
the echo of their reflection a remorseful Christmas carol
that pales my empathy, slaughters my core
my soul now exposed, now wanting
what great words to unriddle this mess?
a missing piece, a fracture which glue cannot unbridle
something awakes
reeling, confidence commences to tear
brick by brick, we tore down the town
escape through the portal? Laughable masquerade
left to interpretation as the faithful are ready to die
forever a murderer at his parents eyes: "Bad man, bad man"
a living, breathing flux of time
trapped, no redemption story, no morning-come
Shone evil intent
under the callous alleyway
bled my pride willingly
Lick after tender metal lick
put these potful holes, now exposed
pouring misery unto the moonlight kingdom
double barrel spitting lead

Pink sky, summer night witness both
how the tentacles of chance silenced another life.

domingo, 4 de outubro de 2020

adds up

 a mathematical casualty

born amid the multiplying fears

that spring off my decisions

a fools' errant is contagious

preordained is a matter that layouts beautifully

just as sure as the sundown making up the soul

the very composition of the shattered dreams I chased down

memory lane, display the faces I blur out, sustain the division of changing

one individual amongst the crowd, my voice had to harp away, gagged up

barely.

adds up that I left before they got given the chance

if I ever so meant so much to them, I am now what can be heard

an echo of can, do, better now attitude and a polished set of shoes marching

under that sundown, that we presently share the same sky sickens me. 

the hate has come to mellow and yet my disease mutates just the same


the starting point split through the root

a moment to trust, uphold the truth 

my sense of love has humor 

the starting point chopped by high heavens

fixated by acceptance, amen.


I do not know this people that well

been cruising by the good times

blurry memories shine brighter

when we praise loved ones on their birthday?

as my silence echoes in my chambers,

the mind hemorrhages amid coping, hoping

the fading breaths of yesterday were a mistake

in what a torn state does sleep birth us

miles away, accepting humanity bonds

and they too do feel at times this weight, 

the very same name. 

sábado, 8 de agosto de 2020

surprise

 It took me far too many years to spell my birth name right

it felt daunting, the pen akin to a blade strung to my heart string

as I aged my spelling grew thin, akin to my love to my fellow brethren

awoke to the lack of resistance at hand, all it takes was amiss and gone

the clock is badly fixed and pulled apart like lego taken apart

you might lack imagination fella and my excuses are taking flight

my past is fixed in stone and buried, the paint is long dry and it shows

to be put to bed, my lament is not that I forsaken my happiness

but how lazy the seeping sadness has taken a toll

festering, akin to a deer stunned by the car lights about to crash

no speech can deviate the imminent disaster

I do not quite hit the mark, off my very best, I must confess

what is the point my limbs seem to drag past the carcass

ever lasting after this sick state that pauses my trembling state

affairs for the mundane day


lament as in passing I swore to renegade the photographs of the zoo

an eternity of caged beast, foul stench don't make for sweeter tears

the door is locked at night, the walls shrink as I dream of joy

 as I clutch the crux with hatred in my heart

those days too


'I am done waiting for her to be a person I wanted her to be'

transfixed it spoke to me in alarming fashion


"I felt the Lord begin

to peel off all my skin

and I felt the weight within

reveal the bigger mess

that you can't fix"


where to begin, in what direction should I tear myself
how far should I crawl in order to restitute a broken image
of Home

quarta-feira, 29 de julho de 2020

I soon confused a soothing voice for an open door
an extension of a white flag, redemption
cease fire breath, sit still my chest, mercy.

this coffee a magical brew, elixir of life, nectar of wasteful bliss
it remains the lucky one, the sole comfortable collector of lovers that went wrong

as the hand agitates and the tongue trembles, mostly gone
as the fog instills itself and the images fade into a blur
I know for a fact I caused it, the reckless consequence of choice
the carnage of action that one soon forgets
as the sun burns and the ledge steals my reason
the wristwatch counts cycles atop my veins
the traverse of waking up 'till I run dry
off solutions, all void out of a million and one

terça-feira, 7 de julho de 2020

dear mom and dad

a work of artful hope has many faces whispers of sugarcoated warmth
a mastermind craves some downtime in the beaches belly faced down
sporting a mighty tan killing time at will in repose despite the crimes
what a joke to shallow in despair, desperate us now to divine what unfolds

prison this skin that shields me from harm and cages the ghosts that I can't see past
torment this eyes, that!: lacking ail for dust; reach and light. red stained and it pains to see

the coffee has turned cold as the shoulders dip
lost momentum, written off and counted out
down for the count, no more sticking around
it is like when things get tough I stick the dagger deeper
carving a well of self-loathing and doubt to drown
falling short of ever turning towards the best
the very best mold, oh Maker my chest is apprehensive
the hours multiply, the mind is fuzzy and shrouded by fear
that I might not stand a point, the voice of reason a mere draft
escaping an open window, losing face

to witness the dove of hope smothered a penance to feed upon
hung like a vulture stalking the feast, a torch lit for disaster
his mind a mess, his life a bad joke and his throat awoke a scream
the only commendable pause is how limb his arms went resisting the violent urges
of a nasty dull breakup craning at his heart, dead fish eyes ring at the shake-up
shedding a tear when the promised phone call came and no meaningful words exchanged
no longer important, now an ex another drop of a name in less flattering ways

lover boy goes on a ride, just him his car and his darker thoughts
boxing her belongings, burnt the love letters and chain smokes to kill the vibe
that trembles at his bones, this insecurity is fucked up and taking over the void she left behind

me? I am an spectator to this vibration in space, a drag of a cigarette is an open coffin case
as I fear the infectious white lies cannibalize his spirit, I do believe in the strength of a new dawn
it is with pity that timidly I must point out the inevitability of contradiction, a ghost that haunts
the house you built mate, and the silence she provokes is truly deafening

the jolt that awoke the dread that we cannot turn back is a bullet that chipped my denial
a phase I suppose to make me believe in whatever powers need be to lose less

this very spanking desk has been my sole confident and pillow at the dearest of time
to top off the circumstances a carnivorous demon that consumes, consumes, consumes
the magical good days shrink, sinking down and they gnaws at my ankles pulling half determined
they too despise the mess that I chanced upon the mirror

segunda-feira, 1 de junho de 2020

The captain of a ghost ship

Grim dawn beacons a fighting spirit
Will it into shape oh misery
I do not recall begging for sympathy
Chasing highs, emptying pockets in a whim
a crippled soul forfeits value so I stare at the receipt

recognize the night preys upon, another ghost takes notice
abnormal, an afterthought of dirty sheets, awake midday
the sickness rings true, the symptoms colossal the ivory of her eye
tooth for tooth it takes a shine that feeds a crave that is to die for
this walls cannot quarantine the misprision of resistance to magic
as long as one can smell the blood they will know it has been done
they remember the halls, the greatest heights forsaken
the seas are silent and that my friend is a foreshadow of death.

the grimoire taints the water and beacons us further into drowning
its concrete pull magnanimous, irresistible siren of vile triumph
matched ambitions and desires must be suspended by-a-bye
the exchange is torment, shift and careful, meticulous and pointless
the stuff of legends decays just as much as gold shines upon the apple of my eye
in other words, my empty stomach is perfectly numb, "here's a blade: dig deep"

my conscious accuses me of being a fool, my throat dried up long ago
the years crashed down darling, it has truly been a while to recoup this feelings
it dawns upon the lengthy breeze, carried a yawn through a storm, missed the point
my resentment was born from fear of letting go, caged my very soul on this chest
ripped away brutally and yet it repulses me so to see the crest depicting my vengeance

this rip cage is barren from vital signs
the flesh rotten and fed to the seagulls

Today I found the unpleasant suicide note I had concealed amid my shadows
It's steepened high hopes held no mercy as long as it is mine
'It is complicated' and suddenly the morning sun pulls me out of my slumber
and here we go hating indiscriminately again, I assumed everyone knew
to be replaced, step by step, limp by limp, from new to old

My glasses steam in earnest, cross my heart this déjà-vu walks vertically

leagues of vile scum, bane of the very earth for treacherous mateys
shit floats and that know-how zones me out
let it be known this words cannot amount to the poison
that festers my mental capacity.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Foul mouthed, perhaps bad natured
The reset button is jammed, sound the alarm
What if it was simple? Chop down trees before they respawn
hey kid don't bite that apple, it shines golden and pure
must be worth a nickle, far more than the Devil bargained for my soul
maybe it makes sense, stretch the very heavens
diluted blood feels watery and soggy, timid and puff
no vampire would be happy, let us feed despair and fall apart
haven't slept in days, my nails are gone and unhappy
my knuckles are a thready bloody mess, glued to my sides in protest
what if it was simple, drop the dead weight before it cuts you open
shallow the stress before it can be devoid of sanity, what's left to do?

my particles miss the bedtime stories, my voice contained
my cage now unsealed but my breath grows weak
I fear the silence the most, it knows me inside out far too well
and so I must ramble, raving mad truly enchanting particles
they sing for you, word by word unaccounted and therefore true
unplanned, projected to last forever, doctor please I do not want no pills
your needles are a threat to my story, they soothe my agony
I bark at the Moon for company, it has been a while
it answers back and it feels somewhat like it will be alright

what terrors console in unison at midnight, ever so present
let it be certain they may never abandon you, a warmth that children
can depend on it, relay sympathy for orphans and murderers alike
they drew a fleeting bus stop, northwest and fast asleep
have stenciled the capacity to cry in the guise of apathy
sleep, dull and slow, steady and overwhelmingly serene

domingo, 12 de abril de 2020

Guardian Angel

I felt the simplicity of it all shatter my mingle hope wide open
eaten alive to the spectacle of my feeble family support
a weaker attempt at, insinuations that ignite a fire within
to try one best does not equate success and I do resent
I must confess discontent
ironic that it translate to the drag of an eraser on coarse paper sheets
more destructive than otherwise meant to be

darling I do not call for I do not care
to pay attention to what is not worth saving
to commute and bless thy being, as you are
It is suffocating to barely tolerate, it burns my throat
I am just the way they left me and nothing will bring back
my rosy fantasies that we clearly share

Have no faith dear one, I am not the one worth saving
but yesterday I did care a little more and else
my guardian angel too weeps and believes it is time
to leave behind a poisonous land where the dance floor
has been soiled by eyes fixated on the wall and missing the point;
not on the eyes, on the rhythm and the soundtrack
less on the lips or the waiving of the hands
and so much more on the repetitive jukebox
what a fucking waste of the quarter I found by the door

quite frankly speaking I fear I will collapse under a spell
of indisposition should our eyes meet once again
and thereon my very soul be bound for eternity once again
worse still, and this a fate not worth living at all, I crave It

and that would be F'I'N'E if it matched the pulse of reality
but look here, it is emotionally unstable to have a problem with being good as one is without needing to catch-up? I put it all behind and got no intention of shattering my nostalgia with what you are as you are if you are not gonna feed my neurotically batshit crazy delusions.

quarta-feira, 29 de janeiro de 2020

Rotten moods hit the mark

It all started with a plastic bag, ensnared under the fig tree.
The flush of branches had ripen a hole
tore right through the OHHH from the branded sign
It looks pale in recollection, worn off and musky
therefore inresistable, I must make that plain

drifting plagues from a slumber towards a seven old year version of what I rather be

My project at hand, nursing a bruised knee
token setback and lion reward from a rescue mission
down the fields up the road to bring back
a litter of kittens amid misjudged shortcut leaps
sideways of a hill facing the town church

Perhaps the blood fueled the commotion
in retrospective mood, that birth of scars
amiss tears to anchor the lesson,
or front teeth to savour with a vengeance
Regardless of control and tall tales,
that merry knee never quite twisted gates
like before, spun now crooked, now moany in every single season. 

wounded crushed pride forced my hand, surely
feign disinterested adrift carried momentum
binding my ascend up the trunk of that fig tree
planning the movements from the corner of my eyes
playground funfair, like a cruel mistress whose skirts one preys upon with gait delight, joy torn between obsessive compulsion and devoted method
alas, infected, misguided fondness down to the core.

The day I learnt how to fly, I was most certainly not pushed
shoved, thrown out the ledge. I vively deny or cannot recall slipping, tripping or otherwise being conned by misfortune
I must make that plain.
The rumble stumbled off my lips solely once, oopps,
as the call of the void stroke my very being into motion and I,
foolish and reckless stepped into uncharted planes of physics.
For what felt like a very long drawn breath indeed,
clutching the bag like a drawn flag,
I parachuted away mighty invincible, most certainly without a care
oh benevolent significant other part of me.

Pins and needles came visit first, ants to my sores
pitch dark and eerily quiet after, tender and warm always
what I couldn't smell, see or touch I felt.
Liquid hot, in waves, blazing and chilling sharp from end to end
both ways, the body seeking to make amends.

At that hour I felt scared, not off the prospect I not make it back mind,
do heed my predicament, rather, of what fiendish repercussions
the consequential chain of events underneath the basket of fate
my fears were safely extinct no doubt, in due time mind,
I never made it back, my bones remain to be found,
do not quite get it myself.

countless problems indeed, an ironic hypocrite,
significant other that hug my burial hole
wise words shells cutting short my ambition to grow old
'take responsibility...and die quietly' , ah 'alone'
and as my voice was taken to be honest,
the artillery follows wild and random, a spectrum to my open window
reflective of a gap, a prayer your grace for the sever link
that agonizes my sleep, darkening my passing journey through sorrow and sadness
as I did say, countless problems indeed.

Perspective volatile, often uninvited and periodically feisty
an audience, a dispute, the inner monologue eager,
perhaps to entertain, (a conspiracy without meaning) feeding a state of insomnia
or to be honest, far from spent and passive to famine
should had kept shopping for firmer window glass.

a bridge of reasons, deconstructives blocks of decisions
far worse be those half blasted frescos 
venomous too be tales and hall whispers of intrigue,
disguises marred years still after the fact, cease you beast.
I must insist in this act of purge as a most divine intervention
in order to amend my deflected pride should doubt throw amok
the sphere of maddening locus, to hurt another to spare oneself
elevate the divorce of the argument and achieve cloud nine.

sweaty hands, oh betrayal, oh inner conflict
short clipped half-chewed nails do,
do re-frame my face;
hanged in shame as a tribune appointed
turns their bend backs towards the exit on a Sunday afternoon
I be excused for not feeling quite alright.

The stale tale of a mute guardian, rather, how his vigil came to be
halved, encased in magical glass, it wore no shine
knew not that it should reflect and share content
that unto which it came to protect, reveal thy secrets
on a era of peace, eons weld, scathe on a clean facade

Campfire stories recognize the guarded reasons given
volunteered oh yes that guard manned his unconditional surrender
the gift of choice, the post itself comfy and mellow prior
an inkling of foreshadowing by skilled bards

his breath grown weary and finally still, to conserve struggle
accounted by interchanged sleep his eyes slit open, beacons of threat
repose turns to stone, such secrecy that their existence drew a blank in maps
the parchment, books before, Time itself killed them, a myth and fairy-tale now.

Vegetation too aided, ally and friend
to garnish and fortify both secret and prize
no man should ever step within the grounds bemused
be by scourge, rampant insanity or ludicrous stunning luck
you see, more potent than concealment it was forgotten
therefore, immensely at ease. At large it was the hubris
the gay naivety that stayed with the guardian
for the young dread sleep and pursue their lips!

and dreams in exponential leaps gutting away in a perfectly worthy proportional too
to the certainly of a pin drop magnetic pull amiss and lurking amid tosses on a lovers midnight ruse,

penetrating the bosom and killing her at once.
a twice blessed sneeze evacuates the essence of tranquility, emancipating the air.
The superfluous yet distracting fear is at will superficial and haunting.
negate this urgency, a current electrifying and so self-assured.
a crawl of panic licks the surface, connection abridged, throat inflamed,
truly a sorrow state of rot nevermore.