anger led to disatisfaction. that too came to pass.

the blood pooled in the tongue run dry

a speech gone unspoken, broken

a cassete thrown out by the hurricane

that spun me towards exaustion and pale repetition

or so I last recall as the snow fell by, in need of drier clothes

sick to my stomach, this is not why I came here

this is no education and I concede defeat. 

explorers dive in crystal waters, intruders vacant of breath

soon to be extinct for curiosity has been drove out, entirely

ceased to be, uprotted at the source and poisoned the soil for good measure.

the fevor is a neck bent, down, back hump and crooked, towards the ground, towards submission

Eden child of mine is above, be guided and blinded by the Sun so you may recover

disturb your soul, overwhelmed, know not peace but discomfort so you may discover anew

what desires you hold and may sow to further grow identity

this what is now mistery, now certainty.

to burn a candle for the sake of burning out

every scar in my hand a burn that taught me a lesson

a sear worth the branding if only I see it what for it was

not what it pales to become of me afterwards:

good things too must come to an end,

coal is a present to the devious but alas,

fire to the needed and a lightbearer to those able to see

beyond torment and confusion I cut a hole through

the nucleus, the thick of madness and find happiness instead.

legacy

my favorite colour used to be blue, now that color is grey and lacks desire

Used to aspire for greatness and to learn all languages and more,

now I settle for making it past another day without looking back.

Before I was certain adults, someone surely, fuck it, God had to be in control

in the know, focused, delivered, however slow and tone deaf

all experience taught me was that you have to accept part of choice is out of your hand

and that does not just deny me a say, it invites me looking away which makes me want to

jump over the driving seat or off the window, whichever hurts most. 

I had no plan, no ticket back post getaway, 

did not consider I would still feel miserable far away

my food of choice was whatever mom cooked, lately the flavor has faded away 

Aqua, reflect; reject.

on the holy book I hold sustenance,

rotting the brain,

as the foam erupts I pick it up

wet lips, cigarette for a valentine

 there is beaty in decay, I can feel it now.

I am the village idiot

in love with mediocricy and fearful of loud noises

certain of personal injury and persecution

the paranoia kept me alive

raising the alarm to sudden movement a general sense of panic

that once belonged to me.

cracked skulls like golden eggs left to the sun

exposed to the element of gravity and hollow sin

the very stars shiny globes, rock stones, god tombs for my own joy displayed

up there high, barely out of reach every once in a while

now we preach command do as I tell you speech

and if aren't here to buy get the fuck out of my sight

consume, destroy, repeat anew

enamoured with the absence of instructions within the mainframe

system shutdown, empty house

it was finally time to get out.

no callouses in the hands, clean slat and polished phone screens

greasy fingers for instruments of lesser art

surely the soul proportion has shrunk

what once was meant to be a lonely tango by the doghouse, cold and frown upon

is a frantic new age of sensation, not to be confused with a seasonal fever

I see confusion in your face and can only promise you to slow down breathing

stupidity alone will subsidize you 

all the letting go a release

I relapse,

running wild. 

break that mirror on the wall

counting stitches like points on the scoreboard

heard chicks dig them, eh?

the shore of legacy an anchor that settles me afloat in the whishful thinking

singing so the echo sounds familiar, smells of home.

the floor goodness trembles beneath for it too knows

the cold has outgrowth the guest

and the tongue runs bloody as the tidal wave comes asunder

Love dies:

a singular hour of happiness, worth of being televised

prayers so flesh curling that the very neck bows in awe

an homage to the chemical boulevard

I demand a tribute of blood, riot in the streets, beast in my sheets

a perfect little thing I could howl for once ever blue full moon

all the rage no longer a drunken disregard

'baby got sick, shrank weight (still need a shrink tho)

baby lost her ring, got so thin (still turn me on, oh yeah)

what a man to do, stress out freak out, allegations, inumerous accusations

zest citrus falvoured, an avenue a ting

doesn't cost all that mere sky above, earth below

Math couldn't fool me,

upmarket diamond ring another card

to add my house of cards';

fragile, hostile

if my chest colapses it is for the beating

self-inflicted, unleash the beast within

now reflected, now here on display for everyone to see

bury the man, the human, I would do it all over again

just to prove a point, just to prove those actions belong

to me alone.

even the tune tone deaf and unstable

the fracture in the ribs uneven and quite frankly unpleasant

my dog toy puppet teddie thingie has shown

more crass acid reflux, in hot waters we pick up

fervour burns the circuit, diffuse and back to the start

in a mighty great clift I looked down and hesitated 

the wave crash a call I had to restrain from pursuing

if I could digest this blame properly it wouldn't take my soul

in the lost arts of alchemy the key has been dissolved

God do no offer me the kingdom for I would condeem

I would spare not the men, nor the women much less the children

to turn that clock around and attain the escape I so desire

to reforge and replace on a different avenue this trees and seeds 

what I sow I refuse. and for that butterflies deflect my trajectory in fear

my scent battery acid, a faded and bruised "I told you So" tattooed on the bones.

yet

sipping on a cold brew, all gold on the hard block

like a rock in need of a pick me up

heavier in the morning, still rolling with the flow

that captures the imaginary like the dansel in distress

in the modern age you are the one in need of savin'

swing those arms like a true reject, what a dive

in a second the dope will quell, saturate, couldn't get enough

in the movie screens the scream is held up, in 3d

those flashes and dramatic scenes cannot reach you, yet

they attack the unvigilant, the naive and those otherwise

self-inclined to concede a ceacefire and visit the possibility

a mix-up perhaps, yet

a flood once came, to save us from the blaze

a wet sort of guardian that all powerful raised waves

chocking land and soil alike and it was most certainly

not going anywhere, yet

i met a liar too high to see

a partner in crime in a greater escape

share agony, an indiscreet selfish past

i didn't quite understood what to do

so i tightened the knot wrong and it came undone

there she went, flying off the wall, compromised one last time.

i learn slow but god willing have no conscience

misled by a memory that won't allow me to forget

so i love and god willing, yet, to death. 

for I do remember when I needed it and that time is no longer here and now.

a place of need, a mistake, fleeting, now shattered, yet not broken, fully. 

from a place of drifting spaces as Fall runs its due course without needing guidance

the cold provokes a reaction and the inner warmth reconnects shiver to breath

ever so tightly, don't you feel it in the funeral surrounded by pyres

jump not over least you fall madam, come sit by the side of this burning path away

away from Eden where sinners travel sleepwalking, sleeptalking, still talking, or

at least I do.

a blur, the headache arrives like a spell, summoned by thought alone.

it is not the voices but wires that violate my abandon towards herecy, decimate me oh bad bad decisions

those that bind me to my humanity and confirm that i do not know what the fuck i am doing

yet.

sad today, I guess

there is a knot at odds with my throat

and it prevents me from looking up

the dust is settle and because

yes, because I recall a better place

I have quite frankly have had enough.

I used to look down and feel happy instead:

guiltless, clueless, oblivious to what were to come

every lost a stone thrown

at me whilst hitting both of us

this synch union unveiling, betraying perhaps nothing left

to be careful about, a bad omen reactionary

up the stairs, down the stairs, march

he spun me a tale of 'running without a care'

imagine, 'without a care', and so I travel

to the swing of yesteryear, there where pain does not exist

where a confortable shoulder is a better place to lean my tired decaying body

than the knot.

I do dare then

and look up

a painting from a friend I no longer see, no longer speak

a birthday gift I cherish deeply

the sea I descripted through words

he left painted for me.

suddenly I remember, I feel blessed

for every experience shared, every shoulder felt

and the knot comes loosen, I can now breath, slowly.

I miss and remember every single one of you inequaly and unfairly

waves of emotion mixed with memory capricious and temperamental

linking it dearly to my fading sanity

a blip, an anomaly

for I am the villain in my own personal hell without cause, there I said, I admit it.

do quite detest how bitter I woke up today but the shakes settle,

the hours dive, in. not quite special

nor haunt, nor want.

radiant it was not what I had envisioned. 

the pulse in need of purging.

is it up to us how to feel?

as the dust settles

ground to bone shouldn't mix

to give up blood to sand

the fabric of time does not apreciate death friend

so choose happiness instead.

the drink we shared as the sun settled

there, further, up, on the horizon traces

mere replica but it felt quite real.

the frustration grinds like a blade to skin

slices away with abandon known reversed to the Sun

and those lost at sea. 

a half baked therapy consumes air like toxic waste

makes the very ground shake with weight, a hurricane we nickname catastrophy.

the word feels final, the ground feels wrong and somewhat that weariness is familiar. 

stranger things have occured outside, the open door a warning sign I suppose

we were unsure where to step and we must have step something Off

should it blow will be it close? am I too late to turn tail without conseguence

to go without It. the very saliva tastes the bad type of funny

a mercy forsaken, a wave that bounced into the sand only to be swallowed:

do swallow everything. 

today i sat and counted time

i do mind and it took a while to keep perfectly still and numb

to crawl back into a darker hole where futility has met tranquility

in pefect harmony

the burden cracks under the tear of fear

or so I believed, lost in the memories

that twinkle, blink back and cause me great confusion

blurred emotions, some say we cannot quite quantify reality

but this sure feels pretty darn real to me, stripped of dignity

what is left is ugly and contorned in shapes I unveil forcefully

mea culpa;

I broke my croocked guardian angel neck,

torn apart, didnt bother attending the funeral

I wore red today

no more torment in the basement, it comes out on the weekend

I estimate the remainer of my sanity free flows like the wind

that calls a name that is stuck both ways

it comes and goes like treasure that we easily abandon and forget

only to immediately recall at the 11th hour we crave the teddy, the lover

that now trumps gold,

this suffering for vanity

is unjust, unworthy of the blind

those deaf to the calling

fuck off shall we

I am going home, my bed my throne

rid me of this games, gods and lords

humans and the likes

for this is not how I choose to feel.

my mood is grey today, everyday.

drink to good health,

every once in a while

platinum on my window sill

below the nest ring and all

misaligned by design

though understandable so

some talk of imbalance and particles

like apes can be made of atoms,

criticize, disconnect the power at the source

differ the light, take the fire back to the gods

the struggle was not worth the cost

I see things in a want for desire,

flashes both bold and white, blinding.

riot was the cure, my bed the bait

hear me out like the flow is gold

tore apart by river flow, chasing after

brutal only made harder by finding out

the shine comes undone once you drown

for you never let go of the mighty heavy weight

a pour down from a sober man to a fellow fallen soul

a castaway begotten by horror, I just had to make it through gravity

do define agony.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

MY HOUSE  CARRIES ANIMALS BONES

UNDERNEATH THE GROUND NOT THE CELLAR

THE ATTIC KNEW DECAY AND DESERVED BURNING DOWN

PRIDE WILL CATAPULT US FARTHER THAN THE RAG FATHER

BUT ONLY IF I DO NOT REACH OUT FOR THE NECK

A COLLEAGUE MOURNED A MOMENT OF FLEETING CRISIS

A GOOD SOUL IN BENEVOLENT SADNESS

TAKING UP ARMS DESPITE THE SOLITUDE

A TRUE DIAMOND, CORE AND SURFACE ALIKE

MY FEAR HAS TRANSMUTATED

I NO LONGER FEAR WHAT YOU WOULD DO

BUT RATHER WHAT I WOULD DO

TO STAIN THE DISTANCE THAT I SET WITH THE PAST

IS A FLEETING DAGGER, A TRUE DEATH SENTENCE.

I recall a wiser friends words, soleem in the wisdom

of how powerfully he apologized despite not being at fault

a vehicle for change, arms at the ready, open and welcoming

I tried and therefore failed to get away from myself,

my mood is grey today. everyday

you repeat my words in a timing that cuts

deep,

sharpen stones that erase what I owned and gave

freely, at ease, once

spoken in tongues familiar,

now distant, now gone

array and returned wicked,

now poison, now lost hopes

slowed down expectations,

upside down and out of control

so do be original if that is a choice

I command thy so, kindly:

a driving seat can be shared at arms length,

the gap shortern by stories that came whole,

here we go.

that is

good

form at

it

wit, will, wiff

a space, a sense (a danger when reflected in light)

between

us

i suppose It

is

shared

recognized, understood (in) faith

the same

brother, sister

who else stains the bed

blood, piss

what else dissolves

so well?

what else is worth taking

in this game without a forseeable conclusion,

I beg thy

rain down

on

me.

implode

fibers rearranging love

lost to oneself hip towards bone

ripped from spine along the side

no siren on sight, spit have to hold

I am commited to see this story through

so I kneel, crawl and implore take another's soul

I am that petty and count the years with tremendous avarice

wasting day after day with abandon that sun alone cannot purge.

think I may try

to lace the night with

temper, oblivion a triumph

matching the pulse that drowns

the feeling that sways dangerously

close to the ledge over there where beaty

is found. cloud 9

a different break, an incompatible tear

to scald the peel off my hand

to burn the coat of ear in order to peer underneath

a cleaner oversight in a ill men's attempt at order

finding confort in settling in calling it over.

the vision of the future a sickening shade of grey

blops of ink still wet mark the meltdown,

a fate left behind.

blessed this anguish we take stake,

a dark embrace warm felt

coated in loneliness and hallow scales

measured by actions well intended meant for disgrace

a tragedy in the making molded us in (shared) space once.

dream bigger sister: be all at once, brave, bold, kinder (for)

us united upon a star, 

wouldn't it be brilliant?

but fantasies do not feed the fire,

hell is aplenty with sinners with good intentions

and on both accounts we are guilty

dispute not, waste no penny on the fountain of wishes

for the boatman demands his charge just as well. 

on this lookout, the broken mirror reflects a difference

not a missing piece, merely how it was meant to be

an incompatible tear make us stubbornly similar true

alas, the mold does not fit. isn't it just typical:

born to be thrown into the lions, 

a stepping stone

humans are no kinder to the ants than gods are to to their brothers,

and me, I am the god of my own personal hell.

Pleased to leave to settle my peace over There

in worn shoes rubbing at the heels like a tick

a fevorish disease we cast a mean eye

a heavier shadow that we can forgive a friend

afforded he does not turn coat in clear conscience

no peeking through the rear mirror, tore apart by a notch of a loose elbow

a too common tale of reckless refusal to be guided by the hand

lost we found ourselves in the beaten path nevertheless for the valley deepens at the end.

 

what giveth, taketh

offense perceives A catch

named, read

cannon, over 

history naked, betrayed

His

form At prose, disagree (Able to speak)

venerable hate, positively necessary

sacrifice.

 

One day God was missing,

we took note late as dignity overtook

sight a dizzy spell enchanted by the notion of speed

a blitz from hand to sleeve, the horror no ghost

This is me telling you it is over and there is no escape should we turn back

we will only circle right back just as the sleep diludes terror

a settement without a doubt. 

it is that season (again)

a photograph, a captured soul

infused emotion cascating on the print

reflecting hurt because change has taken hold

of a shared hivemind,

of what, if, but we 'should have known'

and we are better now, no?

 

starving for the input to placate the tidal wave

the expectation titan and on the verge of fucking it up.

pride ties close the poison lace

shatter the codename for both our sakes...

 

is a fool a fool irregardless if eyes prey witness to the state

at which one finds himself out of sorts? 

does laughter become the conduit

do those in the know  serve as beacon

a safer port, a lighthouse and so much more.

__________________________________________________________________________

 Winters was a dame of clamor fate

sober stood her in the extinction of spaces

cracks those lost go to be driven

around in merry, in a magnificent ocean of crystal clarity

I felt like an adult once I understood the choice communion relayed

by the lack of timing in words spoken freely, with a pause, that childhood does not permit

marked by the remark that suffering is indeed optional

balanced in the scale of pizza for breakfast and cake for dinner

the sky awash with grey, a pale dirty yellow full moon discreetly illuminates a rare cloud

disguising the fact I am quite frankly at odds with what to write, what to say

so in silence we confide to the page and whenever requested words

we exagerate and blur out avalance for if I am to be swallowed so shall you.

in oblivion we fall apart, out of turn

the blood drumming my temper is out of sync with my pulse

I am out of touch with my own rhythm

my future has spoken and has me by the neck.

________________________________________________________________________________

Fall is a lover of fair game

notes the exchange of hands, held together

in frail first love,

it is the hand that reaches out,

for the fallen leaves,

in doubtful unequal prayer,

for those who have gone (ahead):

in furtive capture of necessity,

for want of the same fallen in hard times, harven steel tribulation can only separate 

turn the beast inside out: humanity concedes frontier, the cycle breached

sparse light in the divide

how can the tree survive disposed of branches?

how could prey and predator merge in a sickning union of outer madness, coincidence

a dance atop a broken shell, underneath a mountain broken apart just the same

a tale not familiar nor with want of belonging, 

a slip of tongue as the weary walker grows faint.

____________________________________________________________________________

Maggy

We met twice proper

We were young then

foolish and fleeting love That

naive I accepted guilt but fleeting was a lightness that stung the weight I was to carry

as I lost heart, for I bled and retold the story from the moment I heard your voice

and i understood at once an ocean of familiar homely skinship that i knew was too come

and occur it did as if i had willed it into existance however years ahead, however short and sweet

the third encounter was the change of season, the resolution that snow both softens the margins and conserves what is precious within. expanse and expand, space enough I suppose to grow.

the fourth i denied You for it stunk of Home. it was dole advise and proper at that

from The stories i pass along, the books i circulate amongst acquaintances and friendly strangers

you are still my favorite one, however bittersweet

i shall pay it forward with a gloomy grin

in the venture of another realm of fresh possibilities

universes where I am a stronger lover, a present brother

a better son.

agony to find yourself out of worries and trouble

barely feeling, that was my sentence

driven I felt such a thin chance to get out

of this mess towards healing

catching the hint that I am a plus one

if they round in need of something

out of touch, ice cold

an empire of gold turn to stone

imagine throwing me a kiss

a dagger worth feeding whole

hypnotizing,

mesmerizing: phrase it better

so as to placate the burn, acid and vivid

flame atop my skin, coursing through the blood stream.

eyes white, blurry and in ruin

picture salvation and pray on filth

bent mind, cracked skin, 

colourblind to blur the line

peace was never an option for me,

a friend in need

weeps because he knows he is the one odd out.

sliding away, skipping concept: obviously condescending

clear of options deslocating shoulder from bone, hit by the rascal

called imminently spark truth from the smoky remainder of ourbelief, 

not enough to believe me

burning from the inside out,

never meant to be free.  

______________________________________________________________________________

no matter the pace the shade gives chase

the entidy a measure of grieve, parasite to the lesson

emotions in suspence, the eve of morrow brings misfortune

trapped in chains forged in jest, pain and lost dignified in illusion dawned by fear

broken promises they make for blinding belief

no amount of pain distributed can placate the one received

nor tranquility met

ever out of reach.

"no love for myself and no love for another"

frighten to converge to the abyss

that black hole where empty 'fines' go to die

a toll ticket exchanged for tears that have dried

in a well emptied by farewells denied

cut in ribbons and half exchanged memories

pieces fragmented like a wasted life embraces insanity in order to survive

sharp not when inflicted, the pain shies away from the natural

it is when they return sheepily and meek, hysteria difuses a sense of familiarity

like being scared and trapped, at home, from the beginning 'till then:

if you pray and tell no one but the blue sky at noon

like a call upon, hypnotized

did it really happen... to us?

swallowing hard for no fucking reason

weighted down by dramatic nostalgia out of boredom I suppose

a mountain of faded eyes bother me like satellites

we concur to be a mistake still we wave as we go under

pleading our case to the depths

no emperor could grant respite

no calm post-storm could restore

lost childhood contempt for reason

the ultimate prize of curiosity interwined with innocence

is all but lost as we descent further out of reach of Eden

chicken too run headless, momentarily, in a finite proportion

as death reaches suicide (or is it the other way spun?)

following orders so I don't get left behind

not realizing indecision is disappointing the demon in the mirror

preying on my downfall

all agitation, disoriented or so excuses compel my tongue

a poison I hope penetrates my frame akin to acid trust

bones and karma are the ultimate equalizer in this living hell we both share beloved

in no way shape or form could you come to understand how my distain has infected my desire

'till I find my purpose,

wipe the slat clean 

and (bite down)

dispose of the rag with (what?)'s on display

your body will have to suffice.

drifter: a choice, faulty by design. Nomad is the correct word.

a tingle at the ear

nags, drags, dyes meaning to pain

an open ocean tainted by tainted liquid

contamination cannot contain the bite at sight

gospel to paths taken at length, distain to desire

butterflies and bees are not welcome on this mechanized eden.

 hands that once toiled at the land now stand still holding token

beacon of blue light screens, a pyre eating away at the frame

higher delight at looking down never higher...

a choice, consumed by fault on the greater design

a judge callous, bound by encarcerating wisdom to fail

gets rewarded on length, bounty in gold

on the duty promised to uphold normal justice

distractions irrelevant (she says my name I break)

A choice granted, doomed to expire

in grave disappointed post fuck in your face

great are the expectations

confined to pressure, peers on the lookout

jolting, sneering, plotting away

the fever crashing waves

swalloed opinions are deemed venomous

and weaponized as such, satisfied death of mine.

Sand, amongst numerous other things

is a finite resource

misunderstood as otherwise, sad might have a lil' cry

singular finger drilling at my temple

minor source of disconfort and discontent

like a boy whose hungry gaze matches the burning sun

scalding only to erase his vision in a struggle of wills

barren milky white stark eyes

draws awe, terror and wander (no longer cursed)

a warning deflected sought movement

compare two blind men in the swing

breeders match fitting dog to bitch

mix an excess of colour and you too will find

a dark resolve in absence of shine.

slimey, sticky

ever so icky irritating nick

wishing they would bite deeper

oh shadow do move along

flaring up my ears

stealing my breath

putting my heart on the treadmill

taking my blurry vision for a spin

face a mountain of rumble

as the appetite and sleep crumble

where to begin;

now, ahead, onwards.

in is not, after all that eas-

the job was left undone

I would be remiss to ommit

the stars allocated at the start

tall tales from error to embrace

household memories cherished

in time of need ember to fuel detail

in  the path untouched ahead.

to kisses and warm words we rush

heaven must be composed of gifts

shifting sand that defeats war and brings peace

to the safety of shore:

I would dare imagine this is the easy bit

once beneath the salute we must act

kindness can smoother and change

a poison chalice develops resistance

should one survive the ordeal or be donzo.

the fear of mortal recoil drags suspicion

static these secret

a poison to the eyes

of those that wander

ever lost in darkness

desolute this house we abandoned

revolution, vibration, meant to strike true

failed all together, a repulsing drug addict knows too misery

irregardless of weight the sand runs course to the skin still

drugs haze, sun blade become the mercy:

ultimately, love grants peace of mind

for it rings true, bar exile blessed be

home takes root and the forest can be burned to a crisp

just as swiftly as grudge can petrify once dopamine runs dry

at night the monster explores, crawling under my skin

sanity a freedom ever repulsing, lingering on the reflection in the mirror

the creature locks stares and it compels my bloody knucles into a pulp

flashes of past, reality overcamed, overwhelming:

visions that bother sleep, steal precious clarity in time of need

we falter, we fall

those hungry may double down and choke on the mere opportunity

buried outside where it is cold.

killer phenomena occur once the crocodile tears get you no results,

the struggle tilts sideways, rage a flame

sin a darkness pitch black, absolute. 

ride the wave inner child,

new highs can surely only occur by bold risk

falling backwards warrants a risk that hands cannot placate

by all means Do dive in.

wishing for happiness makes me feel guilty

the butterflies have sponged the blessing

a chemical warfare confined to paradise

the peace offer was set ablaze with the premise

drawn in sand and washed by oil, thick virgin blood and white male tears

alas, nothing worth mention was lost, truly praise be

the death of those that break and taste, rather, delicious once blue and cold

a fine fragrance never taken for granted, for the hunter takes just as much

pleasure from the finger press as the cutthroat does sharpening the knife

to better satisfy and bring peace of mind

effort does, more often than not, translate to earned sucess;

cutting loose the wastefulness lost on fools

falling atop of each other and therefore

thieves by chance, hearts tore in two, interchanged

clock that child on the making

a moral instigation blossoming, a bud blessed orange

if it were blue it would constitute post-modernism

a wave of a finger, a fist engulped, digested slow

I slap my leg down the goddamm chair as in sleep

the weight gives in to gravity and the jerking motion

shutsting down restarts the engine by survival instincts I suppose

either desk or floor, whichever strike first

careful who you listen to

the madmen of old or anew are not enough

to wrap up this world, do not settle

if to give you up I had had to cast a spell

a noose I conjured for the both of us

a road I walked past the bifurcated end in a serene anger fit

the heat a rush I cannot match

a thirst I shan't justify for the burn consolidates the memory

what was lost must be immortalised

earned tombstone by the stars, a promised shoulder and a bedtime story

to sleep by.

"If you need a place to hang your head 

a shoulder’s better than a knot 

You’d be a better memory alive rather than not 

If you need a place to hang your head a shoulder’s better than a knot 

You’d be a better memory if no one else forgot 

So let it go" (Bad Omens- Careful what you wish for)

This is

it is three in the morning

dusk invades my being and the truth

recommends actively I go blind

the night terrors an eye opener

the recollections worse

still water a transparency trashing

the connection ever so fragile and open

to change should we turn coat and smaller

in the game of pretends we are mere men

caving in to the push and pull

(the dance got the best of us)

lacerating flesh fresh anew

blood thick and heavy

to conceal the brow foul

and climb in order to fall

closer to the sun. so I did

fell towards concrete

beneath the ground a jungle

long abandon

 

in the games of grey lil' else matters 'suppose

a distraction from the disease infecting the link

bound to torment far beyond the tool of conseguence

 

salivating at the thought of breaking you

so understand I wouldn't show mercy

neither should you

better off doing the right thing

that is the double conundrum that terrifies my ideal paradise

seal my breath and choke me

tape my lips, break thy teeth

like a drug in revolt we spit out the omens

liking what we imagine not what we see.

chewing at the side of my eyes, going blind

slur for sense as we act hella' foolish

local options make us scared to go outside

not everything that makes us good turn out to be blue

fluid flow freaking up gone up and fucked up.

irritated at the mention of idgaf.

___________________________________________________________________________

medicate the ring in my vanity

vanquish my elated ego, detachment a prevention rather than a cure

a leap towards the void, a replacement to suicide that defies

gravity and so much more,

reimagine taking it all in

as if we never left, reminded we dare dance for free under the siphon of the sun

unremarkable despite it all, shaped by the experience unique to everyone

the suspense is concerned not if we should not wake up tomorow but whether

we acomplish worth in signals and breakthroughs in between

a mark passed on upon and beyond

for today we belong

past the point of no return seeds have fallen to be sown and blown away with the scattering wind:

whoever long we travel we make a forgiving soothing sound

to be considered and afford calming, gentle dreams

for now we belong here, learning how to make it last a while longer

a stream runs its course unaware but certain

so too does empathy, of that I have firm believe. 

a stain in the mail.

 the local paper got his name wrong

most bar the keen skipped the page

in the flow of everyday slog

owning to the deficit minus percentage

in account for a waste of potential, probation

strike the tab awash with the struggle

good men ARE sent to war afterall.

make no haste for plans are hardly complete in thoughts easily taken

to feed the meat grinder that fattens the fire

of ambition, assumed lunacy perpendicular to taking sides

us against the enemy, united, jointed at the chained wrists

'this cannot be happening to me'

ever tighten, like a first love, suplicant and naive. criss-cross overlapping

a mistake to lie.

recognize the status of emergency. straight for the egress.

hand in hand dodge the falling timber, ignore the cries in alarm

far from a soft blow, picture brain and bone mesh

in a non gentle stew soupy mixture, vomit inducing

should cannibalism hold the vampiric proprieties of immortality

all hell shall be unleashed when we get to know

and the unfolded zombie apocalypse realized.

they found you: run for your life. 

hunger

the commital to tear flesh from the bone

off the sacred sacrifice and become satisfied with sated breath

held in holy memory to those buried under the hurricane

rushing towards open windows, annihilation knocking at the door

moaning 'bout it so unbecoming and quite frankly, uncivilized

monkey see monkey do, as speech impairdement have me at a lose

condeemed to be dead, for the dead unloved, for the living labour

break you fool, bend to tune of the zombie dance

is the season for shattered bones and mirages

beaty blossoms in heat 

it appears to me such a tragedy

once the drop occurs

the leave does not penetrate the ground

to reach the other side of gravity

elevated upsite down, surely

for the chaos has to be accidental

and the knock-on effect unplanned, unfortunate, unrelenting

steadfast to hope so you may too try to belong to the other side friend.

 __________________________________________________________________________

mutiny, fires adrift

this raft was doomed to the sea

a misfire propelled from desperation

faced upon a bullet and a threat to life

prayers alone cannot save us all

for the ocean cares little for whose bones

shape and age alike they are embraced to the depths

united at once to feed the fishes, back to the cycle that betrays

stealing breath and regaining land from the ground

they make a mockery of our costumes

I reach for the pillow to better smoother and be put to sleep

so them may share in the bliss of silence

spared the troubles of mispeaking, the harm lengths unbound

frail minds tick a tad wider and the mind crashes, caving in

pouring out blurs of reason, a massacre to the senses

infections that demand a pronounced painkiller

be it coke or caffeine, a fix-me-up before I wake up ready to face another day

numb to the struggle, nodding to let the dust adrift 'till it is all over.

__________________________________________________________________________

I have contracted sin

I have enough to spare, 

have a taste and grill alongside me,

if I tell the truth they distort it

they weaponize it against me

bourne reached, implode

the very last song I will sing

will be for a hand to reach out

a contraction that denies

fleeting, I hope my tome of fire

confined to the halls we learnt from

 do you not understand the camera lies?

so go ahead: smile as you take a bite

leave a hand behind you lose all control

in it I hold the antidote

the thought alone confort

despite the moral panic that walks besides

the crush of bone,

the sight and nerve

of being devoured semi-whole.

does everybody share this disease?

a bath of crushed flowers consumed alive

in this batch we testify what ails and laments

protest louder

prod, twist, ban

perk up from a swift nap

hashtag 'at least there was hope'

confirming the span and timer

the framework we came to waste

upon the rot of a silly defecated cadaver

stinking the goddamm space.

the wrong shade of white

discoloured bottles disconnect agony

from pain as we try to get better

days fly by-a-bye carelessly

disfigurative memory construct me a bridge

to navigate this ocean of hands in the push and pull

the core of the question does not translate in my mother tongue

I remain a dirty imigrant and my status paralyzes my actions

for I drown in the excuses lent to me and therefore I feel bitter

as I lean, coasting with padded breath towards my conceived brothers in arms

the antidote is just so dull and bitter on the tongue

chop off the script the fucked up bits off TV and that just might be hella' entertaining

as long as it does not imitate me.

true defience is holding truth in silence because violence has me awash with shame;

a nerve made plain, ashore and on display

second best and in compare

half-whole, shared soul

bound to turn sour in sinister

insidious ways, walking calm

collected, impending felt

doom: like children, heard, never seen

a tale given a tall spin

to cast a spell and dart the darker times

asunder, on the lap of the elder storyteller

for he had kind eyes and a gentle voice

and just about all that will suffice in my time of need. 

flea, flee, fleeced: (a different colour indeed) free

compost grants rebirth from seed to bloom

so you too can rise up from being let down slowly

may hope amper your fall

sympathy can mend what time shall restore

if we hang shoulder to shoulder mayhap we shan't feel as lonely

certainly not lost to ones that mean us harm

in band we throw at the warm ashes what occurred ages ago,

cheap trills off games that soon consume what we can barely afford

to abdicate willingly, fool those that cannot spare a tribute or sin likewise

to be stolen and taken forcefully in time of need

the timer is set at the resolute hour of confrontation

bound to meet personalities rather challenging

if not past the alkaline, the silver in the mirror

cuts loose the illusion provoked by drink

instigated by futile desire

aging hands cannot forever contain

a child innocence in a basket

protected from all the nasty shit about and around,

truly I should get a puppy for confort but I am so darn childish.

full of blood, shit and cum.

even the tab townkeeper,

pawned my past and spent the coin

it did not take long.

limited vision, blurry

given the weary weather it is

mere luck we can afford to commit,

the very same mistake that soon lead us to our grave.

whoever been keeping score

was a poor mathematician,

can hardly afford to recall

no time to whine about,

shan't regress further

let us roam this ghost town anew,

a saint in paradise won't tell on us.

brackets cannot contain

nor repurpose the merit we atribute someone

who draws close, closer perhaps

or so we hope,

the link and bounds we bind ourseves with

are truly magical:

alive and at that 

second best

stepped on shit 

cursed the sky

I meant well I guess

inhibit malice on the weekend

bend the bother otherwise

we live in torment

we live in hell,

folder inspected

hands behind my back

on trial: get it? get it?

have you tried pressing retry?

a new leader, decapitaded otherwise,

buried alive before his spirit rottens.

__________________________________________________________________________

another stranger crossed your bed

back turned to the dividing paint

'best be on my way out'

words can break silence

in such malicious ways

spilling what once was fortitude

all over the murky floor,

a rug with broken edges

hands outstretched towards the being

we imagined we saw in you

coming true in need ever dumb

save a prayer up above me.

felicidade tem fim (malice is a disgusting disease, insidious and delicious in equal tones of grey)

 craving for words we could not speak

dissipated at the shallow deepth, the margin

fogged amid the lonely island of togetherness long promised

darkness before the light sweet stars as we shut-eye for the night

all we step in makes for a poorer story, a torn bad decision

sister of mine we have come full circle,

know this, what we can control does not lead, often, to paradise

or so I was told and this very words we exchanged, once

now it appears as the white of your eyes travels upwards to the stars

and self-destruction leads you back to a cage you cannot escape

what comes after this does not belong to my hands

for I took no part in the making of the dry well you sank into

and I hear no call for help

I coast in silence, a bad habit to have all in all if truth be told I got little love to lose.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

 the curtains run a mockery

trips, slices and pieces amok

a fool stench resolute and harm

so much pain,

some scars dig too deep to feel

control alt-delete this echo on repeat

a child laughter haunts my nightmares,

what little else have I left to give

justify how to even out the score

for my tongue is shut and pretrified

but my hands adrift flip pages of diaries better left shut

turmoil and silence do not mix, nothing good lasts forever

tell me, is this true?

did I lose the power to feel, I am not surprised or caring

the uncertaintly that a crime was committed

something amiss, a link, a gear in the device

it was another, mention, in passing that agitates my mind

not flesh but touch

not equal but unfinished, unresolved

it was not the wrist that the dagger penetrates but my very heart

a betrayal of sorts, miles away

happy, I hope

so may the scales point because I forgot if I ever said goodbye and it doesn't seem to get any easier

God you dotted the contract now I beg you help me see it through

for my resolve wanders

my prayers heavy despite the sacrifice

the cost too overbearing to let go

of this one thing I remain

better kept unspoken

shown to burn well at both ends

for my very sake.

________________________________________________________________________

if I peek within will I like what I see?

I am okay never figuring it out,

mixing poison in a cup, pinky coasting

atop, sank drinking deep, a tempting offer

one better left well damm alone,

nuts and bolts, ghosts and apparitions

they tag me in, chained to the bed

fermenting with vomit and other spoils of a night wasted

clean up your looks dearest, upwards with your chin son

before I deslocate shoulder from bone, do the math

rip your shirt and aspirations in one great swing 'till all you love is bleeding something awful

then let us see you fit in:

hell yeah I was scared

swallowing slowly to the beat

of the march sinking my core

actions cannot be undone

swimming towards the grave just as me sister

now YOU decide what is it gonna be

this is the end of selfishness 

discard the secrets trapped in the drawer

come clean, see it through and grasp with firm hands

what you really want, whisper it first for I can only imagine the fear you carry

save apologies for mother in due time, for now we still have work to do

a beatiful dream taking shape, one day at the time.

______________________________________________________________________

I want somebody to kill the lonely nights

to hell with sympathy, few inbetween cough breaches off me

a receiver of bad news, a nod and shake

sound advise as long as it doesn't drip my sunday coat

bitch you get what you deserve, don't you know

what goes around comes back around?

love dissipates in the ether of a hallow soul

wrap not your arms around me for a rooting corpse comes undone

under the pressure of simultaneous breathing in and out to collage a silhouette of compassion

my eyes surely betray me, 

the sailor, captain and prisioner long have sank like stone are thrown

kicked about in contempt, silent because words cannot reach the deaf 

I do not know what to say,

but it feels less awkward to placate the storm on a page

hammering ins and outs jumping and departing so swiftly

none stop drums, traffic jam and bam I am now dad

fuck.

fighting implies we are enemies

the one I could not defeat;

the jaw vibrates but what I entertain

without a doubt cannot be right

I come from a place of appearences, lovely

to be that guy that screws up

once, twicefold

how much thirst can a plant withstand

unturned, unloved

the commotion now seeded, the engagement now past

sun alone cannot revitalize

the skin will want

what spare parts we could not provide

in due time

as peace unleashes an uglier side of accountability

post-blame games as the serenate unveils charades

in hindsight we are a mixture of lose, lost and lonely souls

adrift, barely

I suppose

we suffer

because we care.

tonight we grieve like adolescents after the first love

since we last spoke,

O'nd behold herald of stores foretold

for I bled, I sidelined sickness and despair

professional intervention flashed between the cranium

touching the lingering questions carefully and suddenly

we saw what we could not see in a simplificy that should not be

levitate bredren, acquaintance and friend alike

bystanders and witnesses in the jorney we do not share friend

for crossroads may be linked but they forbid me from joining you,

it seems the strings of fate twist in bounds I struggle to forgive the narrow

corridors that do not allow for the memories weighting on my thin frame

upon the shoulders lessons we promised to recount once sat, down, together, again:

so explain me father so I may step unto thy gates,

why do you make us mortal men liars. 

in despair we commit to the letdown,

chilled to the bone, woe is me my gospel.

________________________________________________________________________________ 

am I jaded or gastlighted into being on the wrong

a pact that I ignored, contrary to the resolve we lay down in the snow

lost of hearing, lost of feeling

my availability was crushed by the driving force that goes around

stealing security, devouring control

the course of course hidden only in song was foretold,

a lamb amongst the sinners, a parasite granted

but I am not the only one and that brings confort to the sweat beads on the run

trespassers on my lawn, tomb raiders: escavading my concept of desolation

unearthing what I could not conceal further, rebury it deeper you thief,

feral animals need not for crime, pause or curse to bite back at prey

forever slipped away the moment we opened the door

do away with the final masquerade we need not for riddles,

words conjure powers that the senses beacon at, yearning for stars

those mighty pillars of hope out of reach, a timely fashion

to reach out towards, for it?

clutching poison like its a cure

sister in time the screams aflame may echo alright

exchange places, tear down this walls

the closet unbolts, the terror unleashed.

________________________________________________________________________________

I seek not to break or form new, better habits

in this decade as it unfolds it intrigues me less

it taunts me in boredom the tones of cheaper trills

as they curve, they bend as if giving up in friction

a atypical tyranny activity of engraving a visual place between the ears

taking you for a spin until you throw up, sick and dazed

you wake up to chains around your neck, spare us the drama,

I suggest you take stock of the voices in your head before you end up under dirt

for this years and possibly following ones in kind I resolve to spare my knees

and abdicate least my prayers are the drip keeping me on my feet

in the peripheries of my frame I am bursting with hate

gee this infestation won't come back to destroy me

my current fear is what becomes of my core as my nails are polished to the frontier, bloody

can we hold back before we sever the constant of normality

what to do, what to take:

a percentage of

a

bad

thing.