I hearsay that I fear to show myself. Awkward..

The wall is not a wall
But a totem of hope warped beyond
Hope
Tainted by the ideal framed through skin
Scratched in a flurry of gestures, each farther
Inside a rotten concept of trashy desolation
There is no original ideals, only new modalities
Around flashy prostitution. Plastic too can bend.
Bend

A new layer does not protect from infection
That which has not changed, much less improved
We already been there, taking candles for viability
The hot wax for playthings, and before we knew it
Gone. Animals too can be impatience, and we feel
The same, running it down to the minimal effect.
In fact, I infer by particulars and sinisters frames
In my eyes we do not shout, we embrace doubt publicly
To float anew in the dauntingly high veranda
Nauseated with ourselves.

I talk in riddles not for I might be only one
But for many could take my place
And come up to the very same conclusions
Helping none, whatsoever, to improve my condition
This enfermity it consumes, ravenous plague of conscious resolve
I want to be somebody, rather, it becomes therefore awkward
Society, as it should, and by principle throws me that low baller'
"Now, now, slow your roll
Keep your head low
Your life is a joke
Don't make this awkward"
Cannot say I disagree. 

Bitter laughter rings in my brain
Or somewhere damm near it
Now that I achieved the bliss
Of ever wishful solitude
What comes next remains a mistery
For I got no one to contradict for way of passage
Direction or otherwise guidance, please send help

I used to care

If in order to recreate the momentum
A silver lining before we turn coats
To the way we were raised, choosing to embrace
Each other inbetween all the lost, the anger
Separation bounces these and those like toy
Soldiers of fate, of misfortune and gold
To crumble upon, such as my atrophy
No panic lingers beyond the necessary
To feed one last charade, a rather cute nostalgia
Effective and optional, and one I would repeat
Without objecting more then enough to make it obvious
How I would trade the good for the bad
To impossibility commit myself to repetition
And the irony of a multitude of destruction and charity
For no lesser evil then enforcing what I believe to be
Just that, be truthful and realistictly so dubious
At best. On my lesser days the confidance weakens

And so, forward, came proof
That early came what sought after went
A day without conflict, that we chose to erase
We already been there, and glimples
Off with tranquility, we chase soul adjectives
Meaning, alas, tell, rather, explain it
To a better man, I shall begone
Past the wall that divides us
And now, sea and land apart
It feels the same, if I am to be honest
I see it still, every now and again
Frame by frame
Sinister images of what could had been

Realizations that drag on
Courage that fates immediatly
For current changes for no man
And I used to care more
And when, on what I assumed
To be good intent I was pointed out
Of my shortcomings
My very soul gave in
I have given up
Running it down
I feel the same
But then again
Something fell apart
I still see it in their eyes
Kindness and hope
And so I wait
For the current to change

In hindsight, I could admit
In want of precaution and superstition
In equal measures a sound reasonsing
To linger in ghastly depravation
To an ideal of a wrong advise
From myself to me mind, no harm done.

Restless nights under the vigilant present of light
That would confort me to a swift lullaby
Stranger things have happened since then
Now I have came to realize I cannot save the World
I reckon I am still afraid of the shadows
But the sun burns my eyes

Disconcerning how self-assured
Of an everlasting impeding doom
Senseless and chained to the walls
Shallowed the key, already well tamed
Devoid of a survival instint my friend
Touched by misery to such an extend
I struggle to come to terms with
You have changed, and not for my sake

I identify as crazy other's that iluminate my wrongs
My shortcomings and my failings
To erase my presence, or at the very least
My malice and selfishness
Reduce it really, let's not to overly ambicious
Anything to lesser the risk of self-destruction
Anything to be able to say once again
I am coming home.