i shan't go just yet. it is my time in the spinning wheel.

writing naked in a lonely place

unsafe, unclean, not quite ever enough space

this graceful memories I hold a sentimental stake over

they put the devils eye upon me, no longer said to trust

high marks, a great achiever, we look away awaiting for dust to flirt

because no one ever calls, words in a screen carry less weight

not good enough after all is said and done.

replace my blood for gold

substitute my lungs for machine (parts)

with vibrant silver lux we pour top to bottom

oil, expensive metal and many other things

chips that connect, whatever for we forget

the bluesprints we cannot understand

the plans have outgrown the scale

the only castle I was ever capable of explaining

I thumpled these cards and stained them with blood

off a cut of a finger 

and for that I am ashamed:

I shall do it again,

this time I felt the cut run deeper

the whispers louder, the flush stronger

it is a mercy truly to take it easy it seems

playing with my senses hoping it eventually makes sense.

taken legacy for granted in exchange for peace of mind

pushing back, down, in vain we breath in unison

an act of mercy, a respite for the broken denied a place to go

thought the meaning of life would slide by the door

just as the flood tied up and they gorged in drink

bloaded walking corpses meant to explode a cheap coffin

searching high and low for the rulebook 

acknowledging that if this roundabout is a game

some are bound to lose, thrown out with revered silence

your compromise is an happy median to a disgusting degrading empathy

hope cannot feed the blind, nor force them to see

your kingdom in ashes father

the broken bones exposed, unburied and these wounds

festering cadavers starving for sinners

hold my hand for once as we step into the sun

so it might toast us clean of this flesh that became our downfall

no salvation without judgement: your fucking words not mine,

I merely come here standing in pursuit, a hard testament to an attempt of clinginess

sex a birth call that in contempt granted me parents that selfishly left me far too soon

did not need nor wished for me and were therefore blessed with 3 too many

I fear all this is as true as the defiant gravity. 

dehydrade, starve thus a suffocating waiting.

tack

overrated mistep have lead me astray

so far as they can tell me 

denying me this nostalgia

this sickening familiarity that binds me

shadow pray tell me what figure seeks to suffocate me

what lines and dark whispers, cracked half-words and blurred faces

this hope, this saudade, this half-hearted wave of a divine soul

I would chop it, sap it, get a fat straw up that bitch

clear house without need for a knife

nor help from a wife to know the meaning of my life.

 

a dread that left me for dead

this self contained distance has a purpose

a masterplan that enquotes whatever I meant I said

the rust of times begone will free the shackles

the anchor has been sealed bound to a new route

and should the dust settle so too I shall merge

bone to earth and dirt no longer condescending

a less fucked up erotic bend of flesh, call me crazy

all I might beg for should my tongue turn

whiplash from wishing to take what was not mine

restless and unsettled 

do not bury from on my back as that sounds mundane.

 

strangers do not aproach me for I do not give in

I do not offer silence, an empty smile in calm control

they do not confide, I no longer appeal to the wounded

to those whose tears need hiding

jesus christ has perhaps left this vessel of advise

how can irony poison ever so wicked That hope for better days

where I may stand still and observe quietly without disturb

and so my walking tomb is now the abundance of this goodness

 

I fear that same liberating scream will incriminate me and inprison me

a jacket is not that much better company 

I gather from the ill, the enferme and the weak

those who feel low, blue or on the knock-down agenda

as if they no longer belong and cannot kick that habit as it bites strong

I keep them all in my prayers every single night.

 

can grace bend

can blood wash away real realization

for true hunger cannot be felled

do not bring doom, gloom and evil to thy neighborhood

disengage with these malpractises and carnal ways at the frontier

no son, that chark is a body mark

shallow hard at the sight of this dark omens

breath harder, take notice of the infection

mine now, mine.

left alone in the wake of dawn

tick.

recreate my age, my idea, my good days. then leave me alone so I can ruin them.

 I do not recall the first word I spoke

nor the second, third, however many

however few collected petals that blew

off my mouth into the radiance of said spectacle

to no avail I forget with reckeless abandon

many other first checkpoints, tracks of progress

civilized installement might one betray

should fancy, substance or love enter your being

medicate at once my friend, at once uproot and be

on the uptake and lift off before the timestop sand runs out.

these were not fences that we sought out to ignore

a new confession, this hurdles are a sight of misdirection

that we presently resolve only to surrender

adressing by playing dumb

when it appeases you.

 

carry stock but not for the hungry

nor the poor much less because I ought to

I simply felt like adding weight to my task

value in delaying my step and transmutating worth

with coin, with token decorative vases and purses

so-so we dangle, we debacle and we exchange

a row, a rouse and a futile intervention

nothing too serious and most pertinent to state

it has nothing to do with you,

good day.

today's gone quick

here's a heed, a shoutout without thiumph

a cry without a hump, skip or fallout

nor anthem, tradition neither.

so easy to slip in without getting what we want

a true nail bitter to bet on the winning team

whilst everyone looks up to the off chance the underdog

overperforms, comes clutch if only the Empire wasn't aflame

seeing I am an animal do I dare drum my chest and roar alike

to a one step, two step carnivore. to devour my lunch all at once. Gulp

is this sudden gravity pull divine intervention?

or a magical spell singing back to reality

in this garden we are but mere seeds

or so this orbit ought to be a blessing of the stars

a lesson learnt a sun daze

hearts beating as we carry on

hangman oh hangman

for what orders do we execute the chosen

what determines who scars and who scatters

what sense be to be left wondering

let this distance be a cosmic drive

this disease is not an infected it's a parasite

a roadkill is an afterthought of beaty

sprayed blood flat out stuck on a loop

'till the shovel from the graveyard shifts it

ain't it a fucking miracle to perform what one before was unable?

yesteryear I cave in to the supression, nowadays I crave it

order me around, set me alight with discipline for my life feels unstable

need a golden star to feel worthwhile the effort of existing

this thirst will lead me to be splat out on the pavement if nothing else

it is no coincidence that mental health has been shot lately

this entire decade is a painful mess and we culturaly drown in stress

we forward hope in an email #unholy morals, thoughts and prayers

salvation revolves about bunkering down on the worse days

unable to tell the difference between bad and good decisions

casting a wide net for the tips that we haven't burnt off yet

all I got left is a chewed leave and a head deeply flawed

stuck in getting it wrong and remembering it well,

chastised when the morning glory fades

if the world spins around the bottom and the top shall mix in

eventually we will not be so different.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

when the room is locked by clutter pilling the window

all is not well!

inside stripped walls

that fire licked clean

and held in contempt truth the told

we best not try that again

I miss the way she said my name

the way she tasted

stone, brick and morta stood

where life no longer could nor should

do rats chatter with other close quarter pests?

do hold suspense and a stiff upper lip? (disregard firmly the bottom one)

If they habit as refugees

they navigate the fog of silence well enough

words a villain

deflate and bite

taken aback by what took shape

a receipt of what needed paying. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

It is not grace that brushes off

the licks that mark the taste

the feverous excitment due pause

caution euphoria might be traumatic and toxic

leaving you well topped up on the meaning of pleasure

left running on fumes

for a season, termper circunvent and drag

ON

OFF we descale, dismember and pronunce (carefully)

Emphasis on sublime crimes skin tight fitting remedy

an adjustment for the cynical world gone clinical by circunstance

do march in flatten sounds, not certain of being human (are we positive)

in this race, breed, king we shall agreeable

remark a monstrous feat, trait, flaw as if we were already dead. 

after all only the dead can be heros and those titles taken

as historians cycle generations. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

frown upon the complement, the praise, the acceptance

simple goods, good words ensnares, traps, eat the given soul

tougher on the outside

how alike, how hip to quantify the noble capacity of an elephant

gentil and slow, calm and serene

 

Do great things amount to greater age?

or, perhaps, is it the attraction of scales

a transplant of elderly wisdom to be last protected?

exempt, if chosen, to be preserved in a turtle soup bowl

which, mind me, is fucking delicious

as my eyes narrow in the presence of prey

do the (act) of squeezing sharpen the mind?

is the contraction producing brain juices

rational dew to channel and facilitate the operation

as thoughts collide so do cogs

the remainer impales and scatters the same gifted eyes

the wondrous orbs slimey and luminous gatekeepers

cousins of course of every other orifice