felicidade tem fim (malice is a disgusting disease, insidious and delicious in equal tones of grey)

 craving for words we could not speak

dissipated at the shallow deepth, the margin

fogged amid the lonely island of togetherness long promised

darkness before the light sweet stars as we shut-eye for the night

all we step in makes for a poorer story, a torn bad decision

sister of mine we have come full circle,

know this, what we can control does not lead, often, to paradise

or so I was told and this very words we exchanged, once

now it appears as the white of your eyes travels upwards to the stars

and self-destruction leads you back to a cage you cannot escape

what comes after this does not belong to my hands

for I took no part in the making of the dry well you sank into

and I hear no call for help

I coast in silence, a bad habit to have all in all if truth be told I got little love to lose.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

 the curtains run a mockery

trips, slices and pieces amok

a fool stench resolute and harm

so much pain,

some scars dig too deep to feel

control alt-delete this echo on repeat

a child laughter haunts my nightmares,

what little else have I left to give

justify how to even out the score

for my tongue is shut and pretrified

but my hands adrift flip pages of diaries better left shut

turmoil and silence do not mix, nothing good lasts forever

tell me, is this true?

did I lose the power to feel, I am not surprised or caring

the uncertaintly that a crime was committed

something amiss, a link, a gear in the device

it was another, mention, in passing that agitates my mind

not flesh but touch

not equal but unfinished, unresolved

it was not the wrist that the dagger penetrates but my very heart

a betrayal of sorts, miles away

happy, I hope

so may the scales point because I forgot if I ever said goodbye and it doesn't seem to get any easier

God you dotted the contract now I beg you help me see it through

for my resolve wanders

my prayers heavy despite the sacrifice

the cost too overbearing to let go

of this one thing I remain

better kept unspoken

shown to burn well at both ends

for my very sake.

________________________________________________________________________

if I peek within will I like what I see?

I am okay never figuring it out,

mixing poison in a cup, pinky coasting

atop, sank drinking deep, a tempting offer

one better left well damm alone,

nuts and bolts, ghosts and apparitions

they tag me in, chained to the bed

fermenting with vomit and other spoils of a night wasted

clean up your looks dearest, upwards with your chin son

before I deslocate shoulder from bone, do the math

rip your shirt and aspirations in one great swing 'till all you love is bleeding something awful

then let us see you fit in:

hell yeah I was scared

swallowing slowly to the beat

of the march sinking my core

actions cannot be undone

swimming towards the grave just as me sister

now YOU decide what is it gonna be

this is the end of selfishness 

discard the secrets trapped in the drawer

come clean, see it through and grasp with firm hands

what you really want, whisper it first for I can only imagine the fear you carry

save apologies for mother in due time, for now we still have work to do

a beatiful dream taking shape, one day at the time.

______________________________________________________________________

I want somebody to kill the lonely nights

to hell with sympathy, few inbetween cough breaches off me

a receiver of bad news, a nod and shake

sound advise as long as it doesn't drip my sunday coat

bitch you get what you deserve, don't you know

what goes around comes back around?

love dissipates in the ether of a hallow soul

wrap not your arms around me for a rooting corpse comes undone

under the pressure of simultaneous breathing in and out to collage a silhouette of compassion

my eyes surely betray me, 

the sailor, captain and prisioner long have sank like stone are thrown

kicked about in contempt, silent because words cannot reach the deaf 

I do not know what to say,

but it feels less awkward to placate the storm on a page

hammering ins and outs jumping and departing so swiftly

none stop drums, traffic jam and bam I am now dad

fuck.