legacy

my favorite colour used to be blue, now that color is grey and lacks desire

Used to aspire for greatness and to learn all languages and more,

now I settle for making it past another day without looking back.

Before I was certain adults, someone surely, fuck it, God had to be in control

in the know, focused, delivered, however slow and tone deaf

all experience taught me was that you have to accept part of choice is out of your hand

and that does not just deny me a say, it invites me looking away which makes me want to

jump over the driving seat or off the window, whichever hurts most. 

I had no plan, no ticket back post getaway, 

did not consider I would still feel miserable far away

my food of choice was whatever mom cooked, lately the flavor has faded away 

Aqua, reflect; reject.

on the holy book I hold sustenance,

rotting the brain,

as the foam erupts I pick it up

wet lips, cigarette for a valentine

 there is beaty in decay, I can feel it now.

I am the village idiot

in love with mediocricy and fearful of loud noises

certain of personal injury and persecution

the paranoia kept me alive

raising the alarm to sudden movement a general sense of panic

that once belonged to me.

cracked skulls like golden eggs left to the sun

exposed to the element of gravity and hollow sin

the very stars shiny globes, rock stones, god tombs for my own joy displayed

up there high, barely out of reach every once in a while

now we preach command do as I tell you speech

and if aren't here to buy get the fuck out of my sight

consume, destroy, repeat anew

enamoured with the absence of instructions within the mainframe

system shutdown, empty house

it was finally time to get out.

no callouses in the hands, clean slat and polished phone screens

greasy fingers for instruments of lesser art

surely the soul proportion has shrunk

what once was meant to be a lonely tango by the doghouse, cold and frown upon

is a frantic new age of sensation, not to be confused with a seasonal fever

I see confusion in your face and can only promise you to slow down breathing

stupidity alone will subsidize you 

all the letting go a release

I relapse,

running wild. 

break that mirror on the wall

counting stitches like points on the scoreboard

heard chicks dig them, eh?

the shore of legacy an anchor that settles me afloat in the whishful thinking

singing so the echo sounds familiar, smells of home.

the floor goodness trembles beneath for it too knows

the cold has outgrowth the guest

and the tongue runs bloody as the tidal wave comes asunder

Love dies:

a singular hour of happiness, worth of being televised

prayers so flesh curling that the very neck bows in awe

an homage to the chemical boulevard

I demand a tribute of blood, riot in the streets, beast in my sheets

a perfect little thing I could howl for once ever blue full moon

all the rage no longer a drunken disregard

'baby got sick, shrank weight (still need a shrink tho)

baby lost her ring, got so thin (still turn me on, oh yeah)

what a man to do, stress out freak out, allegations, inumerous accusations

zest citrus falvoured, an avenue a ting

doesn't cost all that mere sky above, earth below

Math couldn't fool me,

upmarket diamond ring another card

to add my house of cards';

fragile, hostile

if my chest colapses it is for the beating

self-inflicted, unleash the beast within

now reflected, now here on display for everyone to see

bury the man, the human, I would do it all over again

just to prove a point, just to prove those actions belong

to me alone.

even the tune tone deaf and unstable

the fracture in the ribs uneven and quite frankly unpleasant

my dog toy puppet teddie thingie has shown

more crass acid reflux, in hot waters we pick up

fervour burns the circuit, diffuse and back to the start

in a mighty great clift I looked down and hesitated 

the wave crash a call I had to restrain from pursuing

if I could digest this blame properly it wouldn't take my soul

in the lost arts of alchemy the key has been dissolved

God do no offer me the kingdom for I would condeem

I would spare not the men, nor the women much less the children

to turn that clock around and attain the escape I so desire

to reforge and replace on a different avenue this trees and seeds 

what I sow I refuse. and for that butterflies deflect my trajectory in fear

my scent battery acid, a faded and bruised "I told you So" tattooed on the bones.