pastor

if I fall I trust

the ground shall be met

entirely, with sympathy if slowly

as the choir echoes towards voids embrace

we reminience as if caught, luckily, before we slipped underground

assured the sea breeze carries news whichever shape

they may be, occupying space 

tiresome when you rush to be spent

with a friend, past tense, that you discarded

a while ago:

a letdown to die lonely,

pitiful the murderer that chains an innocent life to his own

so as not to be frozen alone for the road they walk

is not connected and now there is one more specter

not to be confused with an unloved ghost; 

in the fringes theres a forest wild fire

not quite the march towards the wall as the salut

opens fire on your naked chest

waking up somewhat feral

curve to form, a bad omen to reconnect

hurt to intent, time scars just as alcohol burns and ignites

a opportunity is shared potential, both can waste and Be wasted 

igniting a lost fight condeemed to be let loose

destroyed then, disposed later

I may grow older, despite remaining sober

what was once broken has grown rustier still

in disuse or abuse, there was neglect and lamental misguided touch

who could fix Pinocchio now?

if not the whale, left to drown. 

it haunts me, assaulted in waves

betrayed by the bitterness of truth

infused by beating heart activating landmines

clicking cups out of repertoires

blurry faces

'not enough experience', what do you propose I do then?

in this spectable one has to learn and to hold to hopes

the experience won't sour the mood entirely

if what's left of my bruised knees is dignity

abandon the pieces: rebuild.

 

/understand I won't ask again

last time I got shoved

the skin tore I lament

the trust they took I care little about

discontent from dusk to a wave and a nod

in seeding discontent, lesser peace of mind/

extinguished

unresponsive, darting eyes are bullets

offshoot from the road distant from the path

hurtin' by the lack of limp; pigment on the target#

~nightmares the creature feels aproaching the call~

at long last the method to the madness

afinity interlinked

minus the ruptured muscles, broken bones

do souls dance above or beneath the oceans?

are they full of love or is it rapture they crave

does breathing erupte all delusion

are we on a timer exorbitant in weight

for heavy are the words kept at a carefully minimum

it is at odds gold and promises that anchor good, dignant men

to the chambers of corruption

awaiting another

a mirage best believed quietly

that time mends carefully beneath it all

in truth dirty oily fingers plague my water at a stir

blood drips where teeth, lips and tongue should dance and meet

my thirst shall not know remedy

nor be extinguished

bones are not cages:

they protect, they hold you tight and they break

swallowing keys and blades cannot fulfil any depth

they only ensure theres less of you to reach out for

answers that are not prayers

infusions that diffuse illusions that hurt the most

do you think the Devil knows?

beyond what particles and the fabric matter

step by word by choice working out viper from the trees

does he know any better by now?

the creases in my face hold emotion and age poorly spent

floating, bouncing off wants and tells now turned echoes

an unwilling participant in a joint race

I chance a recognition of hair, skin and chipped tooth adrift

have we taken a wrong turn or is it too soon to panic? to fallout or blackout?

I dont know what I want alas

I want to want something that will not bring me down.  

i learnt that i

feel (now) less betrayed by surprises 

i invite the possibility

the arrival of news are not, necessarily

a tidal wave destined to shakedown the coco tree

of all you hold dear though it tastes sour

opens your head open and makes you overall mood worse

the dullness, frail empty spaces

confusing boredom for safety of rooms filled with sand

kept inside a snail shell we hole ourselves in called home

if i pee in the ocean my tap waters goes green

at least thats what i dreamt of yester-year and

the realization of nonsencical direction

exacerbated my loneliness, engraving It to the chasm

making it worse, at night the road no longer has loveless monsters

nor chained regrets, noisy, desperate familiar spectres

like waking up to realize the distance bridged cannot be leaped backwards

 

and that shit hurts.

i try to practise what i found myself preaching

'do as i do not as i say' 

it sounds insincere when dialed back by a mirror and a record-player

 

Today I got complemented and although my instinct was to reject it

discard it swiftly and violently

a quick smirk triumphed. dopamine to my acetone. 

 

love is but one facet of emotion,

do you feel loved?

i hold myself open to the interpretation

that surprises will no longer make it any worse. 

a set-piece routine could just about placate

the anxiety of separating causality from casuality

timeframe, timestamp the first of -09

selective memory clashes with the provider of bending (rules ending in the ICU)

or worse still, 

married to an old friend exchanging a life spent in unbothered shared silence

to amount to a meaningful difference

to carve out an insignicant piece of heaven

until the day of interlocked fingers

be they mine on my grave or otherwise

taking part on a movement of ghosts too unserious to lose

conceding granted that will not bring me closer to developing good sense

i was taught good sense that i chose to ignore

what i want

what i crave

is to say 

i do.