if my words sting: your contribution cannot justify

what a fucking waste of time, at least we got to try

rocking the boat as we clashed paddles, opposing forces

collision that sparks the world ender, about time we get in

the mix of tryouts that give everyone just their fair share of hell

hey mister bossman won't you lend me shelter, feed and guide me

towards a better reality than the one making me feel down

like proper shit down my throat, stepped on a mighty pothole

is this disease of circunstance irreversable and ever suddenly

forever calling foward, fighting, a cold fire poking and pestering

lie to me and bury me slowly so to better entertain my enemies

curse this road, all the traffic and the deadman whose amputation

will not aid any ressurection nor CPR that much I know!?

my heartbeat is out of control and I am afraid to inhale in case my ribcage gives in

the timer has ticked over and the devil is urging me to act out

if god would send me an angel would I recognize it?

a giving gift filled with grace and no trickery

nor disappointment or poison to curve my smile

May, April soon turns to June, July

where the waves are not not alike

and the ground turns just as

we found ourselves lagging behind

beneath the burst of radiance we shrink

cower in the dilluded rain we mistook for gold

the very air fellow humans is polluded

we shot, we strangle those we are instructed to

blue hair, blue lips, blue skies

fair skin, marble bones, white crumbling nails

nimble nibbbles and disassemble, rearrange what's left

so easily agony dearest takes hold of me

back turn to the sun, interaction an enemy

the very air an obscure premonition of what can be

lucidity a fantasy that makes me livid, now that's beginning

to feel old: I surrender.

my drug dealer has retired and became a baker.

 all sorts of fade outs without a pick-me-up

the words come out but I recognize the touchdown

of whiskey cola and ageless routines

where the afterparties are at dawn

and empty conversations lead to stranger beds

bow over and take whatever pleasantries broken hearts

shards, pieces and ruined curtains on good days!

bargain at will as long as you are willing to bend the truth

once found twice gone all the way, to the priests funeral

we obey and dig our own grave.

candy we peddle, colourful tasteful belogings we exchange

for gold and favour that steals sleep or makes you weak

to glass, song or the inbetween of world colliding

whichever feat that steals breath and scares the living shit out of me

nothing new, the doctor tells me he cannot help those afraid to die.

so valor I pursue, love I endure and creativity I lounge for

respectfully declined in a devout angled situation of wall to body

starring away at very detailed nothings linking no dots

no pattern, no knock-on affections to play for in the distance

towards the escape, a getaway from word to worth

the spoken triangulations be dammed

feel the holy spirit disengage from a primal bellow

the volume expand the pages tear apart my expectations

a burning wreckage we call hope is static and not at all well guarded

who should pray for the undead may himself be disregarded

as clinically better off dead and may it be painfully drawn

his organ preserved and dignity harvested for future recollection

to bestow upon my maker a greater insult and revolutionize the disease

love and living are both terminal that much strikes me as concrete

firm well travelled road that too often is lumpy, deemed unfit for purpose

and generally speaking intent in making the jorney unsatisfatory, the horror

fits the design, the meltdown of a sneeze strikes the systematic shutdown

of all my very being (that of course not amounting to an awful lot)

partial to the tickles and funny caracter, my oh my, prickle me

as if a bleed out is not a refining action demanding (a) taste.

addicted to lips and eyes. too rattled to be any trouble.

 stroke still water, felt my breath sink to the bottom

of this frozen lake whose tint bleeds as a darker monster

silent, whooly blown out of proportion by my human frame

kneeled in treacherous worship as my fears grow stronger

and my paranoid floats above the crystal line shined by the star

science calls Sun and others prayed towards absolution certain of His answer.

no wonder the word cannot be stopped

lies and truth grey out post-haste once decoted by hate

a cloud makes me recognize what was once mine

or so I perhaps imagined, ballooning with pride

not a care for step, the very plants I crushed. unworthy of tenderness

thats the type of man I was, am and shall be if my legs allow me to escape

this maze for a head should I not trade its place with the cold hands

that deceive, deflect and objectively cannot see for me

peeking bird do you know whose word

as the fire consumed best from the mess

generated heat that came from grit and grinded teeth

fermentation to the blind, dust to the hungry, hope to the blameless

happy people drown in the rage Hate could not abstain

so let the parade through, please, do complain.

peeking bird do you know if it be true

that every soul is kept safe by vigil of a guardian angel

the sweats in the middle of the night do not detain

my faith in the method of madness one could obstruct

lounging for more sadness what's the point of wasting away

money, fame, beaty, stability and we all end up the same

just as well some clever people travel first class

this deviation a toxic I cannot distill, a high without comedown

a mirage whose hunger a marathon cannot quell

the same grip that two bodies magnetized together be binding

a promise without words to describe is both at fault

to the ignorant and those too wise to try. 

equality by default. ironic.

tell me bird as we interlook eyes, do you too hunger for mine?

can silence be tone deaf? how come I find myself at a lost

not an illusion but rather an echo, a repetition

the same themes in vain, the same rhythm language and words

do all souls taste the same?

Whoever flooded this womb I partook of birth 

piece by piece I cracked the egg wide open

burst crying outright dammed it all

imploring the good doctor pray tell who else

but me, should engage in fortunate growth

plural education and nurture the fertile land

step by step cross the merry land and rearrange

my brain matter with social engagements of sort

good mother how lucky are we to be gifted a silent night

 one that plays tricks and never apologizes

no victimization for you and me for we have known haven

a golden shore that reflects the power of the saint's word

in the darkest hour we do come together 

however fleeting and bittersweet.  

 

a beard grants no more wisdom

than good conversating instills boredom

aches call prayers from within the flesh

 persistance bore fruit

the spell wore off - inform the people

time to kill or stand still

exercising futility as the blood runs deeper

tiresome to take shots at a dull target

what is this rash decision contaminating

what if the fight, the struggle, the ample sophistication

aged well? controlled, believe it, an art form crawls

a plastic plaything buried unapologetic because inane objects

are a drug that runs in the family. 

a thousand cuts signal doom through smokescreens

no apologizes can erase words bespoken

left burning desires bitter in the tongue

cutthroat indeed as wide as the ocean can swallow

the same fragility that belongs to the lifes lost

by adventurers in carelessly die atop desolated mountains

bones rotten, souls adrift, captain of no ship or vessel

That might prove a lesson to those crossing right past

river of blood rushing, pouring, 

enerving waking up call

no longer drums, a siren

a forbidden softer rythem

from just to stormy weather

all is imagination and untold wasteful honey

golden legacy stolen from the sun

never sweeter than taken off a children's grasp

chopping teeth and coercing a surrender together

 to the hive mind we bow together

merrier candy for those left starring at the mirror

cycle once cycle twice, faded to repeat the circle

we say we are okay, tormented by empty words

that feel like waves crashing in hallow shore

daring admission, it is dangerous to travel alone

a leer to the crowd sparks concern that is tangible

to a polished believe from the looking type

a voyage towards the open seas held by prayer

word by word lighter and stronger, a waste of have, held, touched and thrown

a turn off, was not careful with what was a true lesson to shine upon the dying light

a turtle carries her whole home atop her back

lift off, seafare and all it takes one I am lead to believe

the wind calls to me ever fleeting and the anxiety is suffocating

exausting to act like a person that I do not know

nor can come to grips that I do not trust

a skin that trips me under a minefield of insecurities

I get spiked by the turbulense of curiosity

poke, probe and caress 

grab it and spin it

allow these million spikes to bleed me out

deconstruct mayfare better weather

on clever words without you

on the day we disappear amongst dust

from fame to widespread tumult

is it known secrets are best left alone.

what's so special about you?

braving the cold right to put up a poor fight

flag up the committal to flee on self-imposed exile

let it known nothing of remote importance shall change.

a rifting day whoever few that might give pause and a gentle shake as the world trembles and hope echos.

found a discarding car toy the other day

an older model granted

rusty and looking hella defeated

not worth a burial through fire

so I did what an adult should

sat on a pool of still water and homeless piss

and swang the vroom vroom gotta go fast

childhood no longer on hold

 we are just playing around lalala

straight to the store buy some Lego

found my limits face up into concrete

a car is not my enemy, may this anger be dead to me

 

repurposing humans or perhaps

as we take control anew and descent into

craving and animalistic instincts of struggle

be it faith or binding sounds of souls clashing

whatever floats: be it liquor (liquid truth)

 it hurts, hurts, hurts and it gets to me

my thorny crown is a civilized act of defience

fed by blood echos from victories left behind

call the police and desecrate this victim

compare their scars beneath the grey skin

desiccate the body, mummify the soul dangling

on borrowed time that we cannot hide nor deny

a tamed animal wants not for a cage or string

a command shan't suffice for he crawls under the hold

strangling sound of a stare that beckons the very stale air

 

I wish him goodbye but a confirmed farewell

 

may we never be saved

may we agree to disagree and fight to our merry deaths

may you leave and never return

 

find the door broken in 

in ashes all you ever loved

find yourself alone

may this chest implode without forged commitment

lungs empty devoid of all trust

all because of you.

darkness a tempting blanket once the alarm kicks in

reality comes a calling and gets your name wrong again

feel up the rooml, slow breaths in to embrace the familiary

eyes shut, head first it is the silence that garantees

the expected normality or so I pray

I remember those nights when the shadows talked back

deformed and face blurry, knuckles bloody 

certain I held the goodbye but truly

did I fail to register a reply?

when I wake up holding my other hand

was that my undoing? or otherworldly intervention

a foggy detached mind can invite itself

to rad tappy travels, tacky and hungry

for release, rebuild a throne and start anew

because of you.

 

granted with chewed ankles one can still crawl

to chance upon a psycho whose lungs I might bestow

new air fuiled by adrenaline for if our destiny collide

I just might just eat them whole to fill up my soul

put right to the weight atop my chrest 

to permiate this guilt with justifiable blood

'till death do me apart demark clearly

why, how, when was my spirit broken

a loopy trade, sought after and dug up

 

inhale a moment of repress from running from regret for so long

tempted to take a break now that my lungs fill up so gently

I recall star sparks and wishing for different times

from feeling robbed to failing to decompress the constricts of my head

a satellite that troubles me so

so loud yet so clear

shouldn't had missed the funeral

allbecauseofyouohhIamdead.