Taking it personal

Today my humanity was shaken, I felt that
as the format of self harm peeled my eyelashes off
One at the time, like petals to a child's meddlesome hands
both fiend and keen, my temple shook twice still
In queer query queued at my extended palms in balm
tribute meant for the faithful, those listening and in need
That self-harm can be different for those that help without heed
no longer understating purpose, lunacy engulfing zombies asleep

My heart aches heavy still, pulsing for mere instinct and yet
We cannot discard this debt of life, nurturing its gift and
the wishing well is owned a burden that I rather forget.

If I sound dishonest it might be the signal of a tombstone
a lodestone too generates conflict, for the hands that choke
are my working tools, the very source of sustenance and pleasure
serpents that ever nifty too fall apart and ought to become necrotic
least the whole organism becomes ridden with disease sought by conflict
now it is not the time to listen to own self least it be a trap, bind your time
smitten by kinder words shallower on repeat, solace in tenuous grounds is akin
to coming to accept bad songs as a form of self-medication

Past the shifted resentment, the hollow sadness that floats
I ticked forward feeling a resemblance of saudade, I felt that.

I wish I could.

Happy ever after.

I lounge for the leap to obey gravity
The shambles under my feet to cease
To look at the godless without omission
Under no pretense or guise, to hold my breath
Smoking lungs contract ash and fearful advise.
Fending off numb cries that pale words attempt to cure
On the playground, to be drown in delirious laughter
I do wish it was possible.

Further procrastination spells disaster with a ting
Flinging aces and stars to the mark, an act of treason
Faking attention for the sake of a pompous master.
I lounged to speak only to fall quiet at a time of need
a trial I was meant to awake to, screaming for I broke the code
a promise I could not hold, I wish it would not cast a shadow.

a man so simple, treatable and kind
Earned his keep, a rightful place in the kingdom
Of man, the divine and all things true.
Alongside peers, loved ones and enemies
For peace comes all but at once and everlasting.

If Life starts now where am I been thus far?
Where do you intend to hide the shuck off me?

Do not return me there
the very edge of the World
is all but flat in substance
Tasteless it fails to entertain
a positive car crash
Anonymous reasoning
Push, pull, swing, take and oops,
Phone call terminated.

Courtesy of seeing the wrong way.

I saw a fellow breather riddled with passion
Basking in the stream of sound, singing for hella'
Tad preachy on the peacekeeping ways,
busking for bread and admiration
"Sugar we are not made to break, surely?
Let's us resolve this friendly fire in common grounds
let my children be the last ones to die, flying down now
with angels and the Divine, innocent still, missed and loved all the same."

No matter how many times I pump my own empty chest
The desired response stood timid leaving my mind cloudy
Gratitude can be freaky and mankind can be stripped of her beauty
Starring down a well of infectious deadly mold
We hanged a poet for his preposterous arrogance yesterday,
for his love for the word was both powerful and penetrating
made my skin curl, trying to retreat to the guiltless womb,
now it is the rotten bones that need rescue. Fantasize outrage,
cannot mellow the irony of the rope, messy if I say so myself.

I shine like polished fool's gold in the candlelight
Nothing a smokers spit cannot dissolve.
Locked in a room with restless specters,
all but one wish me harm, tolerating my presence
Nevertheless, the Sun bathes the wicked all the same

This pins in my ears, round my lips and encased on my skin
are but a faint warning sealing away forgiveness and meaning
for all I paint is vain, all I dare sing off beat and deafening,
for all I write spells trouble and sounds cross and petty
Do you ever feel nauseated, the surroundings strange and distant?
The constellations drive a hard bargain to salute your path to familiar grounds
It has been hours and your heart is still restless
Wondering if you ever are gonna relearn how to pace yourself
Will the tick tock ever slow down.

A phantom lays low underneath your ear.

Body sweat can cure jealousy, petrify demons
eat away the apple of my eye and looking back
I drank 'till I believed in roller coasters leading to God

The venom of diving down the hatch of affirmative response
Why yes sir I choke gracefully, do note the needle and remember
Chopping fingers can lead to decomposition, got it memorized?

Warfare mimics a getaway of a lab rat greater wall banging
Chopped teeth experience the regurgitate a fragrance of decay
Tensions wasteful at a glance, motherfuckers be on the offense

Some questions do not fulfill their purpose, eating away at curiosity
Did my unborn twin earned a proper burial under the divine veil?
Is he floating in the wind, set off in adventure towards ours truly

might just be a dreadful waste of time 'innit?
a vigilant outlook true, snooping around and listening
picking up clues like a cannibal scavenges for corpses
too feeble to kill, not quite desperate enough to bite the hand
In order to feed I swear I would do many a despicably things
but sleaziness will prevail, not to fears disadvantage ahah
It is very much so present, in mild dosage, makeup of my being
A phantom lays low underneath your ear, those halls of perdition
Should thy words string erratically one can do away with thy tongue;

I find my saga is all but lost, all too driven to pick up speed towards the window
I am but a fiend whose hands crave response, whose flesh is coarse and bitter
a desk slamming demon that grew up chasing voices in the rain, misspelled and all
dispel this curse, anyone, and I raise my chest in disbelief if it were not my lies
that sabotaged my destiny, lock-downed my memory to a fermented mess of shit

and I swear, oh yes I swear the reason I conduct myself in faint melancholic
nonetheless, easily identifiable hand flowing monologue is to pay tribute to hope'
 
to jump the wall and land fairly well in appropriate sing-along, should she be listening.

Black and blue knew them well.

Black be the sun, two folded, in savant request
Blue a gentler eccentric song worthy of pen and drippy blood
Thine a conundrum empiric to melodrama
Wound ac rooked device holistic
Hands torn, aching sores, fail to capture hot air streaming off
a rusty scream for liberty that's not quite there
They can, however, rope your throat and interrupt your living state
assault your senses, now roused of chance, off it;s divine lung capacity
Deserted of a tapped conscious, both murder and minuscule prisoner
a lab rat, one battered black and blue, his boyhood emancipated and stripped down
forcefully and certain, immediate and everlasting, never liked him anyway.

The pen, black ink, black casing, black problematic hands profess
a criminal confession, a bluish hurrah spun in a shared dream
Tolerable yet unwarranted eyelashes slip through, nuisance, lashes... yes?
hundred folded unto his skin, prized for conduct, cherished for the lesson bent
Black be the taint charred unto the soul
in coarse blue bruised skies as she cries
Negro tones of affliction unplanned, untold, gave way for you
Off the book a fuming solution tastes of iron
Crux be thy rod, scarlet agony, beaming rope in late compromise
Custom made, to measure and customary enough. Practical and final.
As you feel the neck break under the weight, judgement is passed.

Uncut emeralds guide towards the edge of the world

All it remains is the aftertaste, crashed party
Hollow walking corpses edging on a hard reset
'Cos your eyes slaughtered me as I tore contact
I broke down into another self, a lesser version
Incomplete, sleepwalking and deeply dissatisfied.

This itch scratches my very essence
The nail tear bone and flesh,
The ballad of heat and motion
Carve fever into my madness
The lesser evil remains to pay
in blood cull my backwards fall

What was the point?
Put a sock on the stinger
Rubbed me off all sorts wrong
Doubled down on petrifying spells
Conduits of hate and shortage of breath

Capture that emotion and archive it
Label it down as 'weak bones syndrome'
And burn it immediately, may the voodoo cure
What time couldn't.
_________________________________________________________________________________

First came pride, the air overlapped sundown. Best friends are seasonal. Lovers are therefore optional in defeat.

Sneer as the pencil preludes a calm rolled tongue

Rubbing fingers indicates laughter. Do hold the esteem pen

Lush and translucent. It mares the feasting prelude, damaged.

Clogging the airways, stirring in ajar consorting with loss

A tear off course, the page demands singular responsibility:

lead carries it, ink wills it, his master vigilant,

the trainee integrates omission like a poison lake

faces torment with void empty streams and floating bodies

Oh woes be footmen trespassing on my bosom

The desk knock an insinuating top hat facade

Shivering free trade for empirical denial 

on the third achievement the sun came down

as we sat on the edge of the cliff we depreciated (carefully)

one another, perhaps lovers then still 

pilling hands, dreams and saliva anyway

cos we could not sleepwalking simultaneously

clashing bodies feel better when the makeup

and egos exhausted ride the yawn past the cane

up the blindfold, round the rope/chair/naivety

I was not what I spoke, foretold (in a million years)

chasing the glimpse of a skirt rogue to the blur

Sunburn. my hide comes face to face with a bud

a time capsule of my thinking', roll the credit scene

shine through the americas' scandal, dough and gold

Can weight the same as my free mass should I will it

Manipulate the odds and snap the magic back into her

or us? Definitely crashing off cocaine.

Getting by, boosted by abnormalities that defy 

the immorality of my revolver, bested by a lion

a lioness and her brother, linked by context

fated by word dropped off a pedestal

seldom missing the point, watchful be the cop out

we are hardly what we need at a given time

and lack the strength to admit it, Missy

love, put that needle down the drain

you break your heart and poison the air

we shared once.