hunger

the commital to tear flesh from the bone

off the sacred sacrifice and become satisfied with sated breath

held in holy memory to those buried under the hurricane

rushing towards open windows, annihilation knocking at the door

moaning 'bout it so unbecoming and quite frankly, uncivilized

monkey see monkey do, as speech impairdement have me at a lose

condeemed to be dead, for the dead unloved, for the living labour

break you fool, bend to tune of the zombie dance

is the season for shattered bones and mirages

beaty blossoms in heat 

it appears to me such a tragedy

once the drop occurs

the leave does not penetrate the ground

to reach the other side of gravity

elevated upsite down, surely

for the chaos has to be accidental

and the knock-on effect unplanned, unfortunate, unrelenting

steadfast to hope so you may too try to belong to the other side friend.

 __________________________________________________________________________

mutiny, fires adrift

this raft was doomed to the sea

a misfire propelled from desperation

faced upon a bullet and a threat to life

prayers alone cannot save us all

for the ocean cares little for whose bones

shape and age alike they are embraced to the depths

united at once to feed the fishes, back to the cycle that betrays

stealing breath and regaining land from the ground

they make a mockery of our costumes

I reach for the pillow to better smoother and be put to sleep

so them may share in the bliss of silence

spared the troubles of mispeaking, the harm lengths unbound

frail minds tick a tad wider and the mind crashes, caving in

pouring out blurs of reason, a massacre to the senses

infections that demand a pronounced painkiller

be it coke or caffeine, a fix-me-up before I wake up ready to face another day

numb to the struggle, nodding to let the dust adrift 'till it is all over.

__________________________________________________________________________

I have contracted sin

I have enough to spare, 

have a taste and grill alongside me,

if I tell the truth they distort it

they weaponize it against me

bourne reached, implode

the very last song I will sing

will be for a hand to reach out

a contraction that denies

fleeting, I hope my tome of fire

confined to the halls we learnt from

 do you not understand the camera lies?

so go ahead: smile as you take a bite

leave a hand behind you lose all control

in it I hold the antidote

the thought alone confort

despite the moral panic that walks besides

the crush of bone,

the sight and nerve

of being devoured semi-whole.

does everybody share this disease?

a bath of crushed flowers consumed alive

in this batch we testify what ails and laments

protest louder

prod, twist, ban

perk up from a swift nap

hashtag 'at least there was hope'

confirming the span and timer

the framework we came to waste

upon the rot of a silly defecated cadaver

stinking the goddamm space.

the wrong shade of white

discoloured bottles disconnect agony

from pain as we try to get better

days fly by-a-bye carelessly

disfigurative memory construct me a bridge

to navigate this ocean of hands in the push and pull

the core of the question does not translate in my mother tongue

I remain a dirty imigrant and my status paralyzes my actions

for I drown in the excuses lent to me and therefore I feel bitter

as I lean, coasting with padded breath towards my conceived brothers in arms

the antidote is just so dull and bitter on the tongue

chop off the script the fucked up bits off TV and that just might be hella' entertaining

as long as it does not imitate me.

true defience is holding truth in silence because violence has me awash with shame;

a nerve made plain, ashore and on display

second best and in compare

half-whole, shared soul

bound to turn sour in sinister

insidious ways, walking calm

collected, impending felt

doom: like children, heard, never seen

a tale given a tall spin

to cast a spell and dart the darker times

asunder, on the lap of the elder storyteller

for he had kind eyes and a gentle voice

and just about all that will suffice in my time of need. 

flea, flee, fleeced: (a different colour indeed) free

compost grants rebirth from seed to bloom

so you too can rise up from being let down slowly

may hope amper your fall

sympathy can mend what time shall restore

if we hang shoulder to shoulder mayhap we shan't feel as lonely

certainly not lost to ones that mean us harm

in band we throw at the warm ashes what occurred ages ago,

cheap trills off games that soon consume what we can barely afford

to abdicate willingly, fool those that cannot spare a tribute or sin likewise

to be stolen and taken forcefully in time of need

the timer is set at the resolute hour of confrontation

bound to meet personalities rather challenging

if not past the alkaline, the silver in the mirror

cuts loose the illusion provoked by drink

instigated by futile desire

aging hands cannot forever contain

a child innocence in a basket

protected from all the nasty shit about and around,

truly I should get a puppy for confort but I am so darn childish.

full of blood, shit and cum.

even the tab townkeeper,

pawned my past and spent the coin

it did not take long.

limited vision, blurry

given the weary weather it is

mere luck we can afford to commit,

the very same mistake that soon lead us to our grave.

whoever been keeping score

was a poor mathematician,

can hardly afford to recall

no time to whine about,

shan't regress further

let us roam this ghost town anew,

a saint in paradise won't tell on us.

brackets cannot contain

nor repurpose the merit we atribute someone

who draws close, closer perhaps

or so we hope,

the link and bounds we bind ourseves with

are truly magical:

alive and at that 

second best

stepped on shit 

cursed the sky

I meant well I guess

inhibit malice on the weekend

bend the bother otherwise

we live in torment

we live in hell,

folder inspected

hands behind my back

on trial: get it? get it?

have you tried pressing retry?

a new leader, decapitaded otherwise,

buried alive before his spirit rottens.

__________________________________________________________________________

another stranger crossed your bed

back turned to the dividing paint

'best be on my way out'

words can break silence

in such malicious ways

spilling what once was fortitude

all over the murky floor,

a rug with broken edges

hands outstretched towards the being

we imagined we saw in you

coming true in need ever dumb

save a prayer up above me.

felicidade tem fim (malice is a disgusting disease, insidious and delicious in equal tones of grey)

 craving for words we could not speak

dissipated at the shallow deepth, the margin

fogged amid the lonely island of togetherness long promised

darkness before the light sweet stars as we shut-eye for the night

all we step in makes for a poorer story, a torn bad decision

sister of mine we have come full circle,

know this, what we can control does not lead, often, to paradise

or so I was told and this very words we exchanged, once

now it appears as the white of your eyes travels upwards to the stars

and self-destruction leads you back to a cage you cannot escape

what comes after this does not belong to my hands

for I took no part in the making of the dry well you sank into

and I hear no call for help

I coast in silence, a bad habit to have all in all if truth be told I got little love to lose.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

 the curtains run a mockery

trips, slices and pieces amok

a fool stench resolute and harm

so much pain,

some scars dig too deep to feel

control alt-delete this echo on repeat

a child laughter haunts my nightmares,

what little else have I left to give

justify how to even out the score

for my tongue is shut and pretrified

but my hands adrift flip pages of diaries better left shut

turmoil and silence do not mix, nothing good lasts forever

tell me, is this true?

did I lose the power to feel, I am not surprised or caring

the uncertaintly that a crime was committed

something amiss, a link, a gear in the device

it was another, mention, in passing that agitates my mind

not flesh but touch

not equal but unfinished, unresolved

it was not the wrist that the dagger penetrates but my very heart

a betrayal of sorts, miles away

happy, I hope

so may the scales point because I forgot if I ever said goodbye and it doesn't seem to get any easier

God you dotted the contract now I beg you help me see it through

for my resolve wanders

my prayers heavy despite the sacrifice

the cost too overbearing to let go

of this one thing I remain

better kept unspoken

shown to burn well at both ends

for my very sake.

________________________________________________________________________

if I peek within will I like what I see?

I am okay never figuring it out,

mixing poison in a cup, pinky coasting

atop, sank drinking deep, a tempting offer

one better left well damm alone,

nuts and bolts, ghosts and apparitions

they tag me in, chained to the bed

fermenting with vomit and other spoils of a night wasted

clean up your looks dearest, upwards with your chin son

before I deslocate shoulder from bone, do the math

rip your shirt and aspirations in one great swing 'till all you love is bleeding something awful

then let us see you fit in:

hell yeah I was scared

swallowing slowly to the beat

of the march sinking my core

actions cannot be undone

swimming towards the grave just as me sister

now YOU decide what is it gonna be

this is the end of selfishness 

discard the secrets trapped in the drawer

come clean, see it through and grasp with firm hands

what you really want, whisper it first for I can only imagine the fear you carry

save apologies for mother in due time, for now we still have work to do

a beatiful dream taking shape, one day at the time.

______________________________________________________________________

I want somebody to kill the lonely nights

to hell with sympathy, few inbetween cough breaches off me

a receiver of bad news, a nod and shake

sound advise as long as it doesn't drip my sunday coat

bitch you get what you deserve, don't you know

what goes around comes back around?

love dissipates in the ether of a hallow soul

wrap not your arms around me for a rooting corpse comes undone

under the pressure of simultaneous breathing in and out to collage a silhouette of compassion

my eyes surely betray me, 

the sailor, captain and prisioner long have sank like stone are thrown

kicked about in contempt, silent because words cannot reach the deaf 

I do not know what to say,

but it feels less awkward to placate the storm on a page

hammering ins and outs jumping and departing so swiftly

none stop drums, traffic jam and bam I am now dad

fuck.

fighting implies we are enemies

the one I could not defeat;

the jaw vibrates but what I entertain

without a doubt cannot be right

I come from a place of appearences, lovely

to be that guy that screws up

once, twicefold

how much thirst can a plant withstand

unturned, unloved

the commotion now seeded, the engagement now past

sun alone cannot revitalize

the skin will want

what spare parts we could not provide

in due time

as peace unleashes an uglier side of accountability

post-blame games as the serenate unveils charades

in hindsight we are a mixture of lose, lost and lonely souls

adrift, barely

I suppose

we suffer

because we care.

tonight we grieve like adolescents after the first love

since we last spoke,

O'nd behold herald of stores foretold

for I bled, I sidelined sickness and despair

professional intervention flashed between the cranium

touching the lingering questions carefully and suddenly

we saw what we could not see in a simplificy that should not be

levitate bredren, acquaintance and friend alike

bystanders and witnesses in the jorney we do not share friend

for crossroads may be linked but they forbid me from joining you,

it seems the strings of fate twist in bounds I struggle to forgive the narrow

corridors that do not allow for the memories weighting on my thin frame

upon the shoulders lessons we promised to recount once sat, down, together, again:

so explain me father so I may step unto thy gates,

why do you make us mortal men liars. 

in despair we commit to the letdown,

chilled to the bone, woe is me my gospel.

________________________________________________________________________________ 

am I jaded or gastlighted into being on the wrong

a pact that I ignored, contrary to the resolve we lay down in the snow

lost of hearing, lost of feeling

my availability was crushed by the driving force that goes around

stealing security, devouring control

the course of course hidden only in song was foretold,

a lamb amongst the sinners, a parasite granted

but I am not the only one and that brings confort to the sweat beads on the run

trespassers on my lawn, tomb raiders: escavading my concept of desolation

unearthing what I could not conceal further, rebury it deeper you thief,

feral animals need not for crime, pause or curse to bite back at prey

forever slipped away the moment we opened the door

do away with the final masquerade we need not for riddles,

words conjure powers that the senses beacon at, yearning for stars

those mighty pillars of hope out of reach, a timely fashion

to reach out towards, for it?

clutching poison like its a cure

sister in time the screams aflame may echo alright

exchange places, tear down this walls

the closet unbolts, the terror unleashed.

________________________________________________________________________________

I seek not to break or form new, better habits

in this decade as it unfolds it intrigues me less

it taunts me in boredom the tones of cheaper trills

as they curve, they bend as if giving up in friction

a atypical tyranny activity of engraving a visual place between the ears

taking you for a spin until you throw up, sick and dazed

you wake up to chains around your neck, spare us the drama,

I suggest you take stock of the voices in your head before you end up under dirt

for this years and possibly following ones in kind I resolve to spare my knees

and abdicate least my prayers are the drip keeping me on my feet

in the peripheries of my frame I am bursting with hate

gee this infestation won't come back to destroy me

my current fear is what becomes of my core as my nails are polished to the frontier, bloody

can we hold back before we sever the constant of normality

what to do, what to take:

a percentage of

a

bad

thing.