I (do not) know

who whispers under my ear

occupies the periphery of my glasses

and agitates my soul as the spell

of boredom reignites numbers and troubles

come aknocking, a mockery of a worrying tide

today-tomorrow-freak frenzy-weekend

mesmerizing grace, oozing confort and confidence

strikes me foolishly awake

as if emerging to a stage wide enough for two

where prior this soiled cage compressed bone to fused skin

trouble to the narrow split burning mind,

fairness loaded to rules and the right to rule

gets between me and you

yes all of you and it wound me further to

negotiate with apparations, ideals

that consolidate, remnants of scarless shine

perfection incarnate for they are where I shone brightest

happy as I am still for in sleep I turn and burn,

I shout, scream, fly and cry

as a child I heard her callback

now I dread to think what I would be ready to abdicate

"Just let me go or take me with you" 

a plain refusal to engage, for I trust

(I know) the die I cast is a gamble worth a grin

for I believe it is the day I die I shall remember

the password, the codename, her nickname, her silluete and her name

of my imaginary friend as a child 

or the ghost haunting me in uneven grace

to this day.  

October reminds me

of a broken fairytale napping in

the backend of my shattered mind

snippets of a lonely fairy foretold by

a drunken third grade teacher at 10 in the

tropical morning chain smoking a senerate 

pictural scene of wonder, tragedy and lost playground games;

memories, counting and recounting parallels alibis

shared white lies and lullabies, bled by the pavement or our fathers belts 

of sweeter ends and love for all, let us share and tell by tracing fingers on moldy faded pictures

savages truly, an impossibility held barely together by betatin and stolen corn  

not a trial nor a condensed retaliation against Fate

destiny gifth and taketh

but the greatest lie strikes me firmly that Time does walk

besides oneself and the feelings grow numb still

blurry digits, ants crawl, phantoms haunt and give chase

on ever shadow, eyes narrow, obssess over movement

I must confess I detest the October blues

running deep, inescapable

delusion is to plead internally

from where safety is a mirage 

and from pained, dragged echoes 

one can only find misery and exausting dissapointment.

frozen in space,

it beacons THAT dread

stripping my sanity, sleep and serenity 

from cosmical wonders we pay tribute

to gasp in momentarily devotion, 

from little compreension: tribulation/attrition

in this storm I hope

the Eclipse involving me may spare

me the kindness of a

uneventful death of peace of mind.

my soul is bound to another and this shore

two broken shards do not match nor agree

in partaking of a resolution

sand reminds of a wasteland

and the word Waste triggers me further

into what abandonment eyelids can dissolve

in far greater fortitude than violence and stumbling 

to the force of gravity, rewarded with bruises

I used to have vertigo because of this same conflict

of wanting to want not to fly but being curious to peek

under the veil in grave longing

are Heaven gates golden or green?

if not myself, would you acompany me this Eclipse oh gone by September

call you brother November, promised to another

fuse me to the grounded embers, lukewarm

err on the side of wantings to cross the road

someone has to transport the chicken 

not for a reward, I am not that fiendish

the fox gets there first and the riddle remains unsolved

I only competed in this silly problem-solving games for the sake

of fishing for complements held against my name

with glee, radiant and sunny

shields ran on solar batteries still

moral letter from oneself delivered to a better untainted self

served in order to desist, honest tension

I see youth in a state of absolute panic paper thin

if I apologize for existing they let it go

as if I had a say in that excuse? 

Pull a face, match the facade and let's go.