i ask myself how am i supposed to be

it was regal, a colour of distain stuck on the horizon

a pastel of hurt mixed with blood and broken hate

misguided, the fog sobers up

upwards the state, the stakes

so typical to dance to the rythm of someone else

we used to care so much and it shows

a note by the cadaver we drag alongside pride and self-doubt

it teethers and it blinks but it never disconnects

I feel it, make me vibrate and hurt

the precipice holds the song or so they see it

believe it it is not a miracle so get on my lap,

I hold the key but I hide it well, turn tail and make haste

lap around the bend and cut the cord that unites this disgrace

it does not get easier, they lie and they are not fine.

 

to be a stone cold killer is so oldschool

a forgetful tale of bullets and offline content

a throwaway age of waste and decay

far, far away wouldn't you say, eh?

a man hidden in children clothes

emerges from within abundant and clear

we do do nurture what we pray and sought for

despite the lost at any given battle we fought for

the war is not hopeless and the banner stands tall

complicated surely is an understatement to display sacrifice

battered beaten down men: faceless, nameless men we denied

a seat by the fire when they were and they are buried down under, cold.

a duality between a scream cut short, silver faces that were meant to be another day

 

hooked on ecstasy, tainted by paranoia and a scent of lost sleep

suddenly I am invaded by a near miss deep familiar sorrow

a creep, he lingers and borrows time

never felt like a profit, an investment worth the trouble

lesser demon, a petty thief distorting reality

it does dawn on me that I no longer spell O-B-E-Y

discontent with having my breath crawled down to an indecent pace

the hunger shall overcome the sinner.

 

we are too far past the boundaries of the dream

what is the piece I am missing?

where is safe to settle a home? why do they keep asking me why do I stand HERE like I need to justify

an hypocrite I came to resent society and look for excuses to lash out and dispel this rage

my walls tremble under my fist and I shrink face to face with the demon

she reaches out to me

inviting me towards the open door

promising me everything gets better on the other side

I half believe her and thankfully I have a terrible sense of direction

and stumble upon the crossroad to rest

a reprise of a vision that once came to me

one I pretended not to see nor believe