Cleave the atmosphere of an interview under candlelight, be gentle and forgive.

I used to survive on the delusion that God was a pinball fanatic
bouncing stars and human souls akin to a stroke of luck
And victory would comply with a better place someday
to serve and willful, a role with clear purpose, hallelujah.

Eventually, anyway, my eyelashes were ripped open
as my twin petrified me with a fork, a near miss display
of lesser skill and accuracy with intent to maim, kill, avenge
worse offenses taken place to an animal without equal, hurt
and that pain can be culled over the dinner table, embraced
in rancor, encouraging a pretense that spells downfall
Cleave this atmosphere of an interview under the light doc,
I ain't about pleasantries, gravity takes a toll, burned out.

No longer a partner in crime, a pal singing in defiance to the choir
Probably for the best, scars smear trills in the skin

A canyon that blood flow cannot revert,
pretty please shooting star, mister White
erase this blurred memories
ants been nabbing them by the root
and neglect taken guard too, trust me.

That does taste like something I would say
packed my shit and left. Burned a tear soaked letter
with your last cigarette under the caress of a thunderstorm

the window broke and drove to the cleanest
decapitation by the wind sill
or so I was informed,
the glory mere wrinkles on those that grow old
a conspiracy that twinkles on her wink

let's be honest, I am better now
and I resent it deeply, stings of fear
_________________________________________________________________________________

Let myself down slowly because it hurts

less when the eyes do not connect
not quite ideal but here we be
All the same in permanent rotation
orbiting this earth hoping the ground
sticks firmly to our feet, some dread it
the heartbeat, the sound of a fresh breeze
the jealousy of a glassy grin making it by
cool and a stranger, underpinning sloppy kisses
wagering your happiness in another's mood
open arms might too fail you overnight
tired souls, empathetic vampires salute the sun

it does not matter, the stagnation made it fade
didn't say it, held up the suspense in wet cardboard
wait a second, I did not ask for this?
'just because you move your lips,
doesn't mean you exist'
they sought my ear, worry not it happened before
the rude patrol drummed me down, no lube involved

no more medicine of my own, nothing to drink
just for a while, to steady firm my nerve
fragile male ego torn by audacity of fucking around
it be be like that anew, took root and grew
closed fist, nail deep into vanity and despair
a silence reminder one is never irreplaceable
however unpleasant that might be to hear fella'

Used to have a ting, a tickle merry boom
an equation in need of solvent wash
a throwback to my mind wired up big time
couldn't wait to tell it to my unborn children
you killed this kid, you've gone wrong
the very day I push through the hurdle
aha I'll off myself in celebration

the bastard son that made it out the womb
a cannibal that nurses an ice-pick

i'll be dammed to bend over backwards
a most sadistic form of self-harm and abuse
to please another in order to prevent a further cut
off this cycle of lonesome strangled vibe
that hounds the roof top of my drier mouth

allow me glum, the fuming state of decay
failing eyelashes wavering
blow heavy like cement
what a huge waste, disgrace!
the modern problem same ol' dilemma
I ain't owning it up to nobody, you all suck

Lost, not found. No doubt alive, hopefully happily thereafter 10 years today.

To adorn the mascarade I had to abdicate of my throne
Go further away than previously anticipated
Captivating silence throught the years
have truly been the work of violence
regarding the memories forsaken
the very hands of fate wouldn't reveal
how my foster older brother has been
this vivacious force of nature charms
surely has accomplished his dreams?
may fortune smile on the midnight hour
no longer chained to the comfort of larva,
past pretense and the injustice of choice
certain his path shines true he conquers
slicing away at his craft ever hungry
farther ambition can only lead to victory

Inseparable from beginning to start
A guiding light in trying times,
ever kind if naive and resolute in defeat
day after day the companionship flew by

I do pause to wonder at times of trial
what would he say, do or pursue if
alas my backs are open to stabbing
and it is left to be to shot to kill
whoever attempts by-a-bye worldly trills

As another year dones the calendar
may it be known, do register it
yours truly and once my best friend
Lost, not found. No doubt alive,
hopefully happily thereafter 10 years today.

the knock vibrates anew

foiled by a constipation of big talkin'
gasped for air, lying down
a string of rats do not go out of style
make for a grandeur deco by the depot

staggering battle, mighty fierce bloodshed
feels like dignity itself is dying,
of course misery loves company
was that not why you found me friend?

my very house was distraught by loneliness
forgiveness a drought that was not meant to be broken

a map sealed away carves the very path one must navigate
to encounter, scattered and divine, the other side
of this blameless journey we cannot yet see
nor get right, not quite right

there is hardly method in the madness
a pattern disconnects the vials from liquid
torn flesh from blood awash by despair
no matter how many things one can seek to be
rational it still does not resonate with a man drowning
nor does he see comfort or finds respite contemplating
his bredren scorched by the sun chasing a dream
atop that mountain there is death and yet they fly over the edge

"Tristeza nao tem fim
Felicidade sim"
E quem nao tenha paixao a droga e rapaz atento.

Locked the room and ate madness.

It came to be that to my first lover I never professed my favor

curator to the factions in my heart, torn and swore to never die

without vows and pleas and empty promises, none came to be

for I never spoke false truths and in silence sealed my demise.

It came to be that to my following lover I crawled and abdicated of my eccentricity

resolute in exchanging personal space for splendor and boosted hubris

drunk by the spirits of good fortune I failed to contemplate

how very high I had climbed in order to see the muse up close

Slurping body odor and loose hair down the drain

A mute agenda to feed the gators that habitat the sewers

My appointment is long overdue with a cold shower

to strip my distress, no sweat, and headbutt the wall vigorously

and yet post-confession be clean and perfumed for appearances

those can electrify even a genie and take away your heartbeat

Tremors that skip beats, forfeit or lost, so easily intertwined

I came to a stop during the interview gagging for the punchline

The connection to steal the plot and breakthrough the rhythm

This was not not what I was made to

and the piano jams another at ears reach.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Shimmery down child the dinner is turning cold

don’t ‘cha know firetraps and women are alike?

All out to entrap, snare and capture your darn hide

lick the fat off your flesh and drink the goodness off your merry bones

read off the memories out your soul and erupt in giggles starring at your penis

The novelty that preludes a joyful birth has since dried up

what past can be reconciled if my bosom weeps as a machine

ticks, vibrating eyes maroon by kin and crimson by despair

How can one be expected to love another should he the abomination

have forsaken his own mother? Each step I take on a wooden plank

creaks firmly like a old bitter friend that comes to visit once every year

awkwardness and fake laughter creases aging fingers, linking cheeks

curse alight diffusing by misdirection, ‘I am leaving now”

holding the door to take in the still breeze, terror airs find you once in a while

‘I haven’t forgotten’, I simply did not glance beneath my raised arms

trying to contain the sun, fold it twice, pray and whisper goodnight.

_________________________________________________________________________________

To truly prove that one has only not attained but also substantially

actively pursued to foment and captivate a Good Life his testimony

too must be imperial of note, restless in silent and formidable in song

terrific it should capture the imaginary and make one afraid of himself

such be the stakes at odds, the diversity of possibilities chanced at whim

stupendous adventures and gambits intertwined amidst utterly ordinary days

spent by the countryside with the spouse under a lazy summer day, partial to love

captivating romance for it is a collective endeavor, chain smoking because one can

rendezvous under the careful observation of the natural phenomena at play

and somehow that will be enough for me and you.

Lovers are faithful when they bail one another

Partner in crime, daring to an extend so and so

Bunny figure, dolled up eyes and little to no virtue

All the alternative friskiness and ever so little to lose

Hanging suspended on top of a pile of bodies

Liars, cheaters, phony folk and those that gone broke

All fitting for target practice, all worthless and thirsty

for the renewal of the life circulation to come to an end

regretful that those barely men had to swing proper

dancing on ‘dem sweets merry lips, being instructed

guided towards who they should be, impervious to distrust

The yearn for the uterus defeats the power to resist arrest

Cardiac pump jolts a zombified state unto a darker plane

one where one should address his own stench and past

Fence the ill gains hush hush, morph the coughs and whispers

an ethology of making it big, stick to the plan Sony otherwise

she will be the one who’s fertilizing my backyard

May the stars, bullets and dishonesty serve as a beacon

towards that new found religion of criminal genius in hit pursuit

you, me and the trill of being hunted, underscore the alarm of sirens

Our stagecraft the spoils of drinking straight from the fountain

despite the far-cry, fines and token tribute gifted by the audience

I do not believe the kids are gonna make it, bounty plentiful

either dead or killed, a happier accident should an immediate

decapitation over the wheel having taken a swift turn

‘whatcha say we join the club of not giving up trying

I’ll break the window and you assault the victim

deprived of his belongings, keys and dignity alike

The newspapers and experts will summarize the message

birthday boy stutters with a dislocated jaw and broken nose

worse for wear, roughed up, the mud drowned his attitude

a bitter case of premeditated messing around

Gouge the testicles, scab by scab

Perforate the eyes as you shout

“I told you so”, hangover a buffer

sobriety a sour and a pitiful listless one

a sea covered by piss and plastic tides

obscene like a coast of lab rats numerated to die

in a just order, amazed and kicking, virgin and sterile

fuck drugs that perspirate life in small increments

Spent half my life chasing the pleas
"Stay with me tonight"
and my white lies tore that hand too
not so sure that was what unbreakable stood for
more akin to under siege or unbridgeable divide,
to give nothing and therefore receive nothing
awash by cleansing fire or the palm of a lit cigarette
reconstructed experiences that I did not ask for
burden by the lapse choice of when to be a mute
fearful the day I do show emotion I wind up killing someone
What the lords that be brought me was laughter
irritating to no end, no I do not believe it to be joy
glee and merry cranks raking my peripherals

I too disturbingly contort and twist my own words
sunset uncertain, immediately a collage of lies
and that's just madness.

Your mail is a tempest in my teapot. Ever so necessary.

In took us for a whorl under the moonshine
Ankles clapped in unison, shoulders rubbed tight
Shielded from the rain by the umbrella, alas tick-tack
sobriety the nemesis, time a vigilant parent figure
Fanatic to grasp a hand and have her feed my hubris
Caress my hair, strike down my thunder whenever it may be
For all those that were once lost regain sanity through light
and if frost, be it fog in a summer desolated day, that torch
shone brighter, fair and welcoming, beaming white and true.

Your mail is a tempest in my teapot. Ever so necessary.
news that shred skin like daggers in a wolf howl respite
For more surely will follow and should you survive?
Your breath will be short and your soul hollow
Unassailable guilt would had sufficed, a mere state of mind
To dominate and creep on, like a soft souffle in a kinder palate.
Head to head one should eat oneself truly, to consume before he be taken
By the tidal wave that follows the decapitation of the relationship
To be buried upon the flag of their incapacity to retake another step forward
At least that be how I perceive romance, iconic yes.

 An on and off affair crumbled, dyed with hype and outmatched by will
The sky seemly sunless, happiness awash and empty.
To innovate now would be a survival instinct, a power-point display
presented in the nude awaiting the divine okay of my lopsided state.

Taking it personal

Today my humanity was shaken, I felt that
as the format of self harm peeled my eyelashes off
One at the time, like petals to a child's meddlesome hands
both fiend and keen, my temple shook twice still
In queer query queued at my extended palms in balm
tribute meant for the faithful, those listening and in need
That self-harm can be different for those that help without heed
no longer understating purpose, lunacy engulfing zombies asleep

My heart aches heavy still, pulsing for mere instinct and yet
We cannot discard this debt of life, nurturing its gift and
the wishing well is owned a burden that I rather forget.

If I sound dishonest it might be the signal of a tombstone
a lodestone too generates conflict, for the hands that choke
are my working tools, the very source of sustenance and pleasure
serpents that ever nifty too fall apart and ought to become necrotic
least the whole organism becomes ridden with disease sought by conflict
now it is not the time to listen to own self least it be a trap, bind your time
smitten by kinder words shallower on repeat, solace in tenuous grounds is akin
to coming to accept bad songs as a form of self-medication

Past the shifted resentment, the hollow sadness that floats
I ticked forward feeling a resemblance of saudade, I felt that.