This is not the end, this is the end of (off)

An emphasis on the worsen  ways
A blockade of sorts
Means and ways
From which (I wish) salvation is forfeit
Alongside your life my friend
Ever so wicked
It has gotten to the point
Of late
That I no longer care
My efforts are slim and shallow
Fake and transparent
Sad music finally makes sense
Turning the cycle into the conclusion
That we are through
 Traitor, reaper of souls
Your own demise my recollection of lies
Here I lay broken, gone from end to port
To end up drowning in stupidity, alas my ultimate answer
And our togetherness, our misery
I could not stop the World, and words are weak
To repent, I might forgive but I shan't ever forget
Your death and my mistake
Not a sign of good-bye, good wishes for a better life
What follows next? Mother, I can only cry at night
I fear the dark and I tremble at night
I acknowledge my regrets
But I shan't ever change my ways..

The tired mule wastes away, along the carrot still.

All aboard the last train going nowhere
In particular
No rush nor delay should slow us down
Onward as it stood for a poorer excuse
Of either birth right or privilege
To be discussed post-offense in therapeutic treatment
See Hall 5 for 'that', dearest
Ever so smooth, as if the very Wind embraced change
Silly me, rambling about
Head resting in a dead man shoulder
There cannot simply be love weighted down
By past regrets and climbs still
Onward up that Hill, there don't you see
Limbs fall flat, were it ever sand and decay
Sadness and despair
Inflating those who stare and command
Comment and entertain
Three cheers for defeat and fences
That surround those too weak to build defenses
And tarnish their egos, set aside for a rainy day
That never truly came

Surely one is worth more then this
Two bullets and dry turkey
A gift of God and pain for a fortnight
Calculating cost with the expertise
Of a blind man that walks dreadfully fine
Great indeed, backwards and onward
Cannot be stopped, furthermore:
won't you let me know,
as we set below,
deep en-traced in our mowing temper
oblivious to traffic and the overall commotion;
that you didn't had to go

Time gets slow
Eyelids struggle
My breath breaks through
But the body gives way
Ever so fragile, eternity no more
Kiss me darling
If only you could.

One wants the World. perish the word, forgot to stay in touch, master of another

Have you been drinking at night?
NOW
Surrendered by unbounded thoughts
NOW
Going to fine places, hurray
NOW
Wishing for nothing else of late
NOW
Loving another, the chariot aboard
NOW
Despaired, banging the wall like a drum
NOW
Burning, wasting away
NOW
Spreading kerosene like a bad habit
NOW
Parking his self-doubts in sub-zero slots
NOW
Gambling his hate, winning big
NOW
Preaching a sea of salty tears
NOW
I know not where to turn to
NOW
Towards tomorrow we row

In the finest hour, pain is the kinder reminder. I still hate surprises though.

I hold a theory of old
Remote and absolute
About personal space and prayer
Firm like scars
As crimson as the familiar hatred that binds
Unit dear ones, do not cry tonight
We were in the verse of change
Our undoing was hoping for salvation
Whenever we understand, or better yet
Whenever we understand we ARE
our own masters, architects of our devises
makers of our own prisons and demise, alas;

Oh my, I thought I had made it clear, clearly not
How I hate this old jiggle
The scene, the tone, the self-embrace
As we sing ourselves to sleep
To rest my head on her bosom again
Haven't I told you? About this theory of mine
It revolves around personal space
or lack of it.
A barrier, pushing grounds to a mental breakdown
A powerful accelerator of the heart pulse
How awful to become embarrassed
How sinful could it possibly be
To admit I have this highly regarded need
for some lovely fingers massaging my skull with intent
to caress my hair, hold me close and deary, keeping my safe through the night
no more nightmares, no more hounds barking at my ears
I swear I am either going insane
or its a folly ironic state of affairs this world has came to
we must actually been striving straight down to this lonesome end-game result
To swallow the pills and end up alone? Now now, everyone may got a disease
But to gang-up on shallowness? Clear the way, fuck the sorrow and see you lot tomorrow.

Pour me

I drink to forget I am alive
I drink to forget I know you
I drink to forget I survived

In order to howl to the moon
Without looking half-baked
Effort brings the cake home
Poor me, oh poor me
Do pour me another
I haven't the faintest idea
What I ought to moan of late
I might faint, I might explode
Due to lack of enthusiasm
Should come to no surprise
How much more needy
I wished I had no control
Pull the trigger and boom
No limit, effortlessly fading
Away to the bottom of the next
Bottle that would, could be
My sole comfort and support
When things are rough
When life gets harsh
I drink to forget why I started

Shot the next man you see
Shot the messenger
The glass knocking at wood
Shall bring me better luck
Pour me another
I came from a broken home
And I got a worse excuse to go back to
Take pity at this soul
And let him sing his anguish through liquor
His throat will grow tired
Set aflame again and again
'It' has grown worse off late
I throw back some for the sheer amusement
Hoping to kill boredom
My bed composes of glass shards and agony
Vomit for a blanket and self-loathing instead
of a much needed shower
Ahah but you itch are nearly out of my mind

Drumming fingers crack no doors

I got this irritating itch
Up my wrists
Its agony to wait.
Scissors where may you be

I am overtaken by this shakes
My mind promises to break
Knees weak, dizziness spells
Hammer where may you be

I got this jolting pain
In my ears, inside my arms
The room closes down
ON ME

Head banging the wall
Doesn't seem to suffice
To wake me up you need more then a knife
You need more then minding the false step
Tripping, a consumed vice begs no chance
Let's play it smoothly, collapse in the dirt (that you call fucking floor)

Shuffling through life
Yet missing the briefing
We were supposed to sit in silence
I rather spend this last few moments
Enjoying the breeze
Having you tear my heart

Would someone kindly show me how
To carve calmness in my mind
I admit the echo generates doubt
And pause. Consorting with the blurs..
I want to be known past the point of recognizance

I drum my fingers
Up my arms to the very end of that table
Cracking them down as they flow
Like a madman counting the days and hours and the minutes and the lives
He takes with the same ease and he loses count of his path and direction, alike.
As if they were one and the same
Hello, mister clock wise man
Teaching those kids how to be good
Showing the door to those whose standards
fraternize with the demons inside who's head?

I am out on a hunch
I might die tonight
From fear of not trying
From coincidence or predestination
From willingness or a inconsequential push and shove
Awaiting the test results from the morgue
I believe in no ghosts.

Unintended

She came out for blood
And she was having none of it
No rest for the wicked
No mercy for the weak
I am torn apart by words alone
Nothing new

'In your World, no one is trying alone'
no one is dying alone.'
Alas, cursed I was
Lounging for change
Ah! Hahahahaha.
Disclosed miseries of the soul
Forgive me my forebears
What I seek here, now, today
Is closure. In order to collapse this very tunnel
That has bind me. Snared by delight'
trapped in a vortex of a delusion
That may very well be so
But this light, my want for it
I render it null
One cannot sleep in while it is bright
I require the comfort, once again, of the dark

I remember once. The magical communion
What a grand affair, what magnificent invasion
The release that only skin shivering musical touch
could ever provide
None other shuts the pain, kept at bay ever so gently
'And dreaming I am alive..and I am not breaking down,
I am BREAKING OUT.'

In my lonesome I imagine the laughing hyena
Driving me insane, compassion drains through the floor
Head banging the walls, the floor, the roof all up to the moon
The ones who dodge relationships are still children
Alike those that still pretend to outrun their shadows
Or sleep over the pretense of achieving said feat
Those who shake furious over a prank
Which they are but sure enough soon to repeat

One should ever so often, I find.
Start over.
By all means keep the experience of yesterday
Keep the torment and anguish, how else,
how else is one to escape if he does not feel in need?
I remember once, gazing at the time
That shattering dimension that breaks any and all
Attempt of redemption
There is no template for salvation
No easy mend to salvage the product of my eagerness
Oh lalala, make no mistake.
I do honestly swear to lose control.