agony to find yourself out of worries and trouble

barely feeling, that was my sentence

driven I felt such a thin chance to get out

of this mess towards healing

catching the hint that I am a plus one

if they round in need of something

out of touch, ice cold

an empire of gold turn to stone

imagine throwing me a kiss

a dagger worth feeding whole

hypnotizing,

mesmerizing: phrase it better

so as to placate the burn, acid and vivid

flame atop my skin, coursing through the blood stream.

eyes white, blurry and in ruin

picture salvation and pray on filth

bent mind, cracked skin, 

colourblind to blur the line

peace was never an option for me,

a friend in need

weeps because he knows he is the one odd out.

sliding away, skipping concept: obviously condescending

clear of options deslocating shoulder from bone, hit by the rascal

called imminently spark truth from the smoky remainder of ourbelief, 

not enough to believe me

burning from the inside out,

never meant to be free.  

______________________________________________________________________________

no matter the pace the shade gives chase

the entidy a measure of grieve, parasite to the lesson

emotions in suspence, the eve of morrow brings misfortune

trapped in chains forged in jest, pain and lost dignified in illusion dawned by fear

broken promises they make for blinding belief

no amount of pain distributed can placate the one received

nor tranquility met

ever out of reach.

"no love for myself and no love for another"

frighten to converge to the abyss

that black hole where empty 'fines' go to die

a toll ticket exchanged for tears that have dried

in a well emptied by farewells denied

cut in ribbons and half exchanged memories

pieces fragmented like a wasted life embraces insanity in order to survive

sharp not when inflicted, the pain shies away from the natural

it is when they return sheepily and meek, hysteria difuses a sense of familiarity

like being scared and trapped, at home, from the beginning 'till then:

if you pray and tell no one but the blue sky at noon

like a call upon, hypnotized

did it really happen... to us?

swallowing hard for no fucking reason

weighted down by dramatic nostalgia out of boredom I suppose

a mountain of faded eyes bother me like satellites

we concur to be a mistake still we wave as we go under

pleading our case to the depths

no emperor could grant respite

no calm post-storm could restore

lost childhood contempt for reason

the ultimate prize of curiosity interwined with innocence

is all but lost as we descent further out of reach of Eden

chicken too run headless, momentarily, in a finite proportion

as death reaches suicide (or is it the other way spun?)

following orders so I don't get left behind

not realizing indecision is disappointing the demon in the mirror

preying on my downfall

all agitation, disoriented or so excuses compel my tongue

a poison I hope penetrates my frame akin to acid trust

bones and karma are the ultimate equalizer in this living hell we both share beloved

in no way shape or form could you come to understand how my distain has infected my desire

'till I find my purpose,

wipe the slat clean 

and (bite down)

dispose of the rag with (what?)'s on display

your body will have to suffice.

drifter: a choice, faulty by design. Nomad is the correct word.

a tingle at the ear

nags, drags, dyes meaning to pain

an open ocean tainted by tainted liquid

contamination cannot contain the bite at sight

gospel to paths taken at length, distain to desire

butterflies and bees are not welcome on this mechanized eden.

 hands that once toiled at the land now stand still holding token

beacon of blue light screens, a pyre eating away at the frame

higher delight at looking down never higher...

a choice, consumed by fault on the greater design

a judge callous, bound by encarcerating wisdom to fail

gets rewarded on length, bounty in gold

on the duty promised to uphold normal justice

distractions irrelevant (she says my name I break)

A choice granted, doomed to expire

in grave disappointed post fuck in your face

great are the expectations

confined to pressure, peers on the lookout

jolting, sneering, plotting away

the fever crashing waves

swalloed opinions are deemed venomous

and weaponized as such, satisfied death of mine.

Sand, amongst numerous other things

is a finite resource

misunderstood as otherwise, sad might have a lil' cry

singular finger drilling at my temple

minor source of disconfort and discontent

like a boy whose hungry gaze matches the burning sun

scalding only to erase his vision in a struggle of wills

barren milky white stark eyes

draws awe, terror and wander (no longer cursed)

a warning deflected sought movement

compare two blind men in the swing

breeders match fitting dog to bitch

mix an excess of colour and you too will find

a dark resolve in absence of shine.

slimey, sticky

ever so icky irritating nick

wishing they would bite deeper

oh shadow do move along

flaring up my ears

stealing my breath

putting my heart on the treadmill

taking my blurry vision for a spin

face a mountain of rumble

as the appetite and sleep crumble

where to begin;

now, ahead, onwards.

in is not, after all that eas-

the job was left undone

I would be remiss to ommit

the stars allocated at the start

tall tales from error to embrace

household memories cherished

in time of need ember to fuel detail

in  the path untouched ahead.

to kisses and warm words we rush

heaven must be composed of gifts

shifting sand that defeats war and brings peace

to the safety of shore:

I would dare imagine this is the easy bit

once beneath the salute we must act

kindness can smoother and change

a poison chalice develops resistance

should one survive the ordeal or be donzo.

the fear of mortal recoil drags suspicion

static these secret

a poison to the eyes

of those that wander

ever lost in darkness

desolute this house we abandoned

revolution, vibration, meant to strike true

failed all together, a repulsing drug addict knows too misery

irregardless of weight the sand runs course to the skin still

drugs haze, sun blade become the mercy:

ultimately, love grants peace of mind

for it rings true, bar exile blessed be

home takes root and the forest can be burned to a crisp

just as swiftly as grudge can petrify once dopamine runs dry

at night the monster explores, crawling under my skin

sanity a freedom ever repulsing, lingering on the reflection in the mirror

the creature locks stares and it compels my bloody knucles into a pulp

flashes of past, reality overcamed, overwhelming:

visions that bother sleep, steal precious clarity in time of need

we falter, we fall

those hungry may double down and choke on the mere opportunity

buried outside where it is cold.

killer phenomena occur once the crocodile tears get you no results,

the struggle tilts sideways, rage a flame

sin a darkness pitch black, absolute. 

ride the wave inner child,

new highs can surely only occur by bold risk

falling backwards warrants a risk that hands cannot placate

by all means Do dive in.

wishing for happiness makes me feel guilty

the butterflies have sponged the blessing

a chemical warfare confined to paradise

the peace offer was set ablaze with the premise

drawn in sand and washed by oil, thick virgin blood and white male tears

alas, nothing worth mention was lost, truly praise be

the death of those that break and taste, rather, delicious once blue and cold

a fine fragrance never taken for granted, for the hunter takes just as much

pleasure from the finger press as the cutthroat does sharpening the knife

to better satisfy and bring peace of mind

effort does, more often than not, translate to earned sucess;

cutting loose the wastefulness lost on fools

falling atop of each other and therefore

thieves by chance, hearts tore in two, interchanged

clock that child on the making

a moral instigation blossoming, a bud blessed orange

if it were blue it would constitute post-modernism

a wave of a finger, a fist engulped, digested slow

I slap my leg down the goddamm chair as in sleep

the weight gives in to gravity and the jerking motion

shutsting down restarts the engine by survival instincts I suppose

either desk or floor, whichever strike first

careful who you listen to

the madmen of old or anew are not enough

to wrap up this world, do not settle

if to give you up I had had to cast a spell

a noose I conjured for the both of us

a road I walked past the bifurcated end in a serene anger fit

the heat a rush I cannot match

a thirst I shan't justify for the burn consolidates the memory

what was lost must be immortalised

earned tombstone by the stars, a promised shoulder and a bedtime story

to sleep by.

"If you need a place to hang your head 

a shoulder’s better than a knot 

You’d be a better memory alive rather than not 

If you need a place to hang your head a shoulder’s better than a knot 

You’d be a better memory if no one else forgot 

So let it go" (Bad Omens- Careful what you wish for)

This is

it is three in the morning

dusk invades my being and the truth

recommends actively I go blind

the night terrors an eye opener

the recollections worse

still water a transparency trashing

the connection ever so fragile and open

to change should we turn coat and smaller

in the game of pretends we are mere men

caving in to the push and pull

(the dance got the best of us)

lacerating flesh fresh anew

blood thick and heavy

to conceal the brow foul

and climb in order to fall

closer to the sun. so I did

fell towards concrete

beneath the ground a jungle

long abandon

 

in the games of grey lil' else matters 'suppose

a distraction from the disease infecting the link

bound to torment far beyond the tool of conseguence

 

salivating at the thought of breaking you

so understand I wouldn't show mercy

neither should you

better off doing the right thing

that is the double conundrum that terrifies my ideal paradise

seal my breath and choke me

tape my lips, break thy teeth

like a drug in revolt we spit out the omens

liking what we imagine not what we see.

chewing at the side of my eyes, going blind

slur for sense as we act hella' foolish

local options make us scared to go outside

not everything that makes us good turn out to be blue

fluid flow freaking up gone up and fucked up.

irritated at the mention of idgaf.

___________________________________________________________________________

medicate the ring in my vanity

vanquish my elated ego, detachment a prevention rather than a cure

a leap towards the void, a replacement to suicide that defies

gravity and so much more,

reimagine taking it all in

as if we never left, reminded we dare dance for free under the siphon of the sun

unremarkable despite it all, shaped by the experience unique to everyone

the suspense is concerned not if we should not wake up tomorow but whether

we acomplish worth in signals and breakthroughs in between

a mark passed on upon and beyond

for today we belong

past the point of no return seeds have fallen to be sown and blown away with the scattering wind:

whoever long we travel we make a forgiving soothing sound

to be considered and afford calming, gentle dreams

for now we belong here, learning how to make it last a while longer

a stream runs its course unaware but certain

so too does empathy, of that I have firm believe.