I felt the simplicity of it all shatter my mingle hope wide open
eaten alive to the spectacle of my feeble family support
a weaker attempt at, insinuations that ignite a fire within
to try one best does not equate success and I do resent
I must confess discontent
ironic that it translate to the drag of an eraser on coarse paper sheets
more destructive than otherwise meant to be
darling I do not call for I do not care
to pay attention to what is not worth saving
to commute and bless thy being, as you are
It is suffocating to barely tolerate, it burns my throat
I am just the way they left me and nothing will bring back
my rosy fantasies that we clearly share
Have no faith dear one, I am not the one worth saving
but yesterday I did care a little more and else
my guardian angel too weeps and believes it is time
to leave behind a poisonous land where the dance floor
has been soiled by eyes fixated on the wall and missing the point;
not on the eyes, on the rhythm and the soundtrack
less on the lips or the waiving of the hands
and so much more on the repetitive jukebox
what a fucking waste of the quarter I found by the door
quite frankly speaking I fear I will collapse under a spell
of indisposition should our eyes meet once again
and thereon my very soul be bound for eternity once again
worse still, and this a fate not worth living at all, I crave It
and that would be F'I'N'E if it matched the pulse of reality
but look here, it is emotionally unstable to have a problem with being good as one is without needing to catch-up? I put it all behind and got no intention of shattering my nostalgia with what you are as you are if you are not gonna feed my neurotically batshit crazy delusions.
domingo, 12 de abril de 2020
quarta-feira, 29 de janeiro de 2020
Rotten moods hit the mark
It all started with a plastic bag, ensnared under the fig tree.
The flush of branches had ripen a hole
tore right through the OHHH from the branded sign
It looks pale in recollection, worn off and musky
therefore inresistable, I must make that plain
drifting plagues from a slumber towards a seven old year version of what I rather be
My project at hand, nursing a bruised knee
token setback and lion reward from a rescue mission
down the fields up the road to bring back
a litter of kittens amid misjudged shortcut leaps
sideways of a hill facing the town church
Perhaps the blood fueled the commotion
in retrospective mood, that birth of scars
amiss tears to anchor the lesson,
or front teeth to savour with a vengeance
Regardless of control and tall tales,
that merry knee never quite twisted gates
like before, spun now crooked, now moany in every single season.
wounded crushed pride forced my hand, surely
feign disinterested adrift carried momentum
binding my ascend up the trunk of that fig tree
planning the movements from the corner of my eyes
playground funfair, like a cruel mistress whose skirts one preys upon with gait delight, joy torn between obsessive compulsion and devoted method
alas, infected, misguided fondness down to the core.
The day I learnt how to fly, I was most certainly not pushed
shoved, thrown out the ledge. I vively deny or cannot recall slipping, tripping or otherwise being conned by misfortune
I must make that plain.
The rumble stumbled off my lips solely once, oopps,
as the call of the void stroke my very being into motion and I,
foolish and reckless stepped into uncharted planes of physics.
For what felt like a very long drawn breath indeed,
clutching the bag like a drawn flag,
I parachuted away mighty invincible, most certainly without a care
oh benevolent significant other part of me.
Pins and needles came visit first, ants to my sores
pitch dark and eerily quiet after, tender and warm always
what I couldn't smell, see or touch I felt.
Liquid hot, in waves, blazing and chilling sharp from end to end
both ways, the body seeking to make amends.
At that hour I felt scared, not off the prospect I not make it back mind,
do heed my predicament, rather, of what fiendish repercussions
the consequential chain of events underneath the basket of fate
my fears were safely extinct no doubt, in due time mind,
I never made it back, my bones remain to be found,
do not quite get it myself.
countless problems indeed, an ironic hypocrite,
significant other that hug my burial hole
wise words shells cutting short my ambition to grow old
'take responsibility...and die quietly' , ah 'alone'
and as my voice was taken to be honest,
the artillery follows wild and random, a spectrum to my open window
reflective of a gap, a prayer your grace for the sever link
that agonizes my sleep, darkening my passing journey through sorrow and sadness
as I did say, countless problems indeed.
Perspective volatile, often uninvited and periodically feisty
an audience, a dispute, the inner monologue eager,
perhaps to entertain, (a conspiracy without meaning) feeding a state of insomnia
or to be honest, far from spent and passive to famine
should had kept shopping for firmer window glass.
a bridge of reasons, deconstructives blocks of decisions
far worse be those half blasted frescos
venomous too be tales and hall whispers of intrigue,
disguises marred years still after the fact, cease you beast.
I must insist in this act of purge as a most divine intervention
in order to amend my deflected pride should doubt throw amok
the sphere of maddening locus, to hurt another to spare oneself
elevate the divorce of the argument and achieve cloud nine.
sweaty hands, oh betrayal, oh inner conflict
short clipped half-chewed nails do,
do re-frame my face;
hanged in shame as a tribune appointed
turns their bend backs towards the exit on a Sunday afternoon
I be excused for not feeling quite alright.
The stale tale of a mute guardian, rather, how his vigil came to be
halved, encased in magical glass, it wore no shine
knew not that it should reflect and share content
that unto which it came to protect, reveal thy secrets
on a era of peace, eons weld, scathe on a clean facade
Campfire stories recognize the guarded reasons given
volunteered oh yes that guard manned his unconditional surrender
the gift of choice, the post itself comfy and mellow prior
an inkling of foreshadowing by skilled bards
his breath grown weary and finally still, to conserve struggle
accounted by interchanged sleep his eyes slit open, beacons of threat
repose turns to stone, such secrecy that their existence drew a blank in maps
the parchment, books before, Time itself killed them, a myth and fairy-tale now.
Vegetation too aided, ally and friend
to garnish and fortify both secret and prize
no man should ever step within the grounds bemused
be by scourge, rampant insanity or ludicrous stunning luck
you see, more potent than concealment it was forgotten
therefore, immensely at ease. At large it was the hubris
the gay naivety that stayed with the guardian
for the young dread sleep and pursue their lips!
and dreams in exponential leaps gutting away in a perfectly worthy proportional too
to the certainly of a pin drop magnetic pull amiss and lurking amid tosses on a lovers midnight ruse,
penetrating the bosom and killing her at once.
a twice blessed sneeze evacuates the essence of tranquility, emancipating the air.
The superfluous yet distracting fear is at will superficial and haunting.
negate this urgency, a current electrifying and so self-assured.
a crawl of panic licks the surface, connection abridged, throat inflamed,
truly a sorrow state of rot nevermore.
The flush of branches had ripen a hole
tore right through the OHHH from the branded sign
It looks pale in recollection, worn off and musky
therefore inresistable, I must make that plain
drifting plagues from a slumber towards a seven old year version of what I rather be
My project at hand, nursing a bruised knee
token setback and lion reward from a rescue mission
down the fields up the road to bring back
a litter of kittens amid misjudged shortcut leaps
sideways of a hill facing the town church
Perhaps the blood fueled the commotion
in retrospective mood, that birth of scars
amiss tears to anchor the lesson,
or front teeth to savour with a vengeance
Regardless of control and tall tales,
that merry knee never quite twisted gates
like before, spun now crooked, now moany in every single season.
wounded crushed pride forced my hand, surely
feign disinterested adrift carried momentum
binding my ascend up the trunk of that fig tree
planning the movements from the corner of my eyes
playground funfair, like a cruel mistress whose skirts one preys upon with gait delight, joy torn between obsessive compulsion and devoted method
alas, infected, misguided fondness down to the core.
The day I learnt how to fly, I was most certainly not pushed
shoved, thrown out the ledge. I vively deny or cannot recall slipping, tripping or otherwise being conned by misfortune
I must make that plain.
The rumble stumbled off my lips solely once, oopps,
as the call of the void stroke my very being into motion and I,
foolish and reckless stepped into uncharted planes of physics.
For what felt like a very long drawn breath indeed,
clutching the bag like a drawn flag,
I parachuted away mighty invincible, most certainly without a care
oh benevolent significant other part of me.
Pins and needles came visit first, ants to my sores
pitch dark and eerily quiet after, tender and warm always
what I couldn't smell, see or touch I felt.
Liquid hot, in waves, blazing and chilling sharp from end to end
both ways, the body seeking to make amends.
At that hour I felt scared, not off the prospect I not make it back mind,
do heed my predicament, rather, of what fiendish repercussions
the consequential chain of events underneath the basket of fate
my fears were safely extinct no doubt, in due time mind,
I never made it back, my bones remain to be found,
do not quite get it myself.
countless problems indeed, an ironic hypocrite,
significant other that hug my burial hole
wise words shells cutting short my ambition to grow old
'take responsibility...and die quietly' , ah 'alone'
and as my voice was taken to be honest,
the artillery follows wild and random, a spectrum to my open window
reflective of a gap, a prayer your grace for the sever link
that agonizes my sleep, darkening my passing journey through sorrow and sadness
as I did say, countless problems indeed.
Perspective volatile, often uninvited and periodically feisty
an audience, a dispute, the inner monologue eager,
perhaps to entertain, (a conspiracy without meaning) feeding a state of insomnia
or to be honest, far from spent and passive to famine
should had kept shopping for firmer window glass.
a bridge of reasons, deconstructives blocks of decisions
far worse be those half blasted frescos
venomous too be tales and hall whispers of intrigue,
disguises marred years still after the fact, cease you beast.
I must insist in this act of purge as a most divine intervention
in order to amend my deflected pride should doubt throw amok
the sphere of maddening locus, to hurt another to spare oneself
elevate the divorce of the argument and achieve cloud nine.
sweaty hands, oh betrayal, oh inner conflict
short clipped half-chewed nails do,
do re-frame my face;
hanged in shame as a tribune appointed
turns their bend backs towards the exit on a Sunday afternoon
I be excused for not feeling quite alright.
The stale tale of a mute guardian, rather, how his vigil came to be
halved, encased in magical glass, it wore no shine
knew not that it should reflect and share content
that unto which it came to protect, reveal thy secrets
on a era of peace, eons weld, scathe on a clean facade
Campfire stories recognize the guarded reasons given
volunteered oh yes that guard manned his unconditional surrender
the gift of choice, the post itself comfy and mellow prior
an inkling of foreshadowing by skilled bards
his breath grown weary and finally still, to conserve struggle
accounted by interchanged sleep his eyes slit open, beacons of threat
repose turns to stone, such secrecy that their existence drew a blank in maps
the parchment, books before, Time itself killed them, a myth and fairy-tale now.
Vegetation too aided, ally and friend
to garnish and fortify both secret and prize
no man should ever step within the grounds bemused
be by scourge, rampant insanity or ludicrous stunning luck
you see, more potent than concealment it was forgotten
therefore, immensely at ease. At large it was the hubris
the gay naivety that stayed with the guardian
for the young dread sleep and pursue their lips!
and dreams in exponential leaps gutting away in a perfectly worthy proportional too
to the certainly of a pin drop magnetic pull amiss and lurking amid tosses on a lovers midnight ruse,
penetrating the bosom and killing her at once.
a twice blessed sneeze evacuates the essence of tranquility, emancipating the air.
The superfluous yet distracting fear is at will superficial and haunting.
negate this urgency, a current electrifying and so self-assured.
a crawl of panic licks the surface, connection abridged, throat inflamed,
truly a sorrow state of rot nevermore.
sexta-feira, 15 de novembro de 2019
an odd familiar case.
caress the gilded star, at one at last, undo it
a folder holds dearest twisted shadows of yesterday
lovers faces unconfined by chapters of forgiveness
a lost lamb whose flood gates once thought at drought
a dreadnought of disciplined pain at odds with a deck of cards
so many ticks give you away, your soul draws you to the mass
one where the Sunday came with clarity, listen and pierce the veil
to draft a diagnostic the sun must place flip the megalomania
the smothering act of breathing conveys sadness
throws down shade to sea in ruins that I once held under control
firmly, strictly under lock and key and rather tricky to orchestrate
a victimless crime of omission knows not pause
the bogeymen of old were at least honest
they came to sequestrate, maim and rectify the mistake of living
more that meets the third eye, do be polite and take heed
lock the door and hide under the bed sheets
accelerate the selfish machine that pretends to fuel my sunshine
make it boil, torment it deeply and see it implode,
become dizzy with this fever, cold for my fire has ran out
somehow the heartless are afoot on the streets that lurk beneath
like cockroaches on the walls they surprise, outlive and murk about
marking your house round the block, a pirate does not forget nor forgive
and that very hook will dangle thy feet like a salted fish gets gutted prior
to the wind scarce guts reach, bones and a loosen tongue perhaps
a pestilence thrown chop my fingers, eat my throat, say it is a treat
hesitate and know my coping device reconciles joints with fractures
popping off pressure, applying cold iron to exorcise holy presence
this vest ain't a corset and the kids got issues prayers cannot devour
tar curtains cannot trap wild fire and it is foolish to deny
benevolent guardian I wish you didn't disappear over Winter Hill
no matter what fortitude can death attribute to thy works
your surrender aches still, ever so tender
these white flakes aren't snow, back off me.
I greed not for advise, oblivion has a cure encased in glass
tapping away now, hoping to perforate in mild distress
should a vigilant sentry knock out all my teeth
make me feast in blood through a straw, take a wild guess
fiction holds a charming spell to snare a soul under duress
it might just fucking dispel the discontent, sneezing, sneering.
a folder holds dearest twisted shadows of yesterday
lovers faces unconfined by chapters of forgiveness
a lost lamb whose flood gates once thought at drought
a dreadnought of disciplined pain at odds with a deck of cards
so many ticks give you away, your soul draws you to the mass
one where the Sunday came with clarity, listen and pierce the veil
to draft a diagnostic the sun must place flip the megalomania
the smothering act of breathing conveys sadness
throws down shade to sea in ruins that I once held under control
firmly, strictly under lock and key and rather tricky to orchestrate
a victimless crime of omission knows not pause
the bogeymen of old were at least honest
they came to sequestrate, maim and rectify the mistake of living
more that meets the third eye, do be polite and take heed
lock the door and hide under the bed sheets
accelerate the selfish machine that pretends to fuel my sunshine
make it boil, torment it deeply and see it implode,
become dizzy with this fever, cold for my fire has ran out
somehow the heartless are afoot on the streets that lurk beneath
like cockroaches on the walls they surprise, outlive and murk about
marking your house round the block, a pirate does not forget nor forgive
and that very hook will dangle thy feet like a salted fish gets gutted prior
to the wind scarce guts reach, bones and a loosen tongue perhaps
a pestilence thrown chop my fingers, eat my throat, say it is a treat
hesitate and know my coping device reconciles joints with fractures
popping off pressure, applying cold iron to exorcise holy presence
this vest ain't a corset and the kids got issues prayers cannot devour
tar curtains cannot trap wild fire and it is foolish to deny
benevolent guardian I wish you didn't disappear over Winter Hill
no matter what fortitude can death attribute to thy works
your surrender aches still, ever so tender
these white flakes aren't snow, back off me.
I greed not for advise, oblivion has a cure encased in glass
tapping away now, hoping to perforate in mild distress
should a vigilant sentry knock out all my teeth
make me feast in blood through a straw, take a wild guess
fiction holds a charming spell to snare a soul under duress
it might just fucking dispel the discontent, sneezing, sneering.
sexta-feira, 8 de novembro de 2019
You the fallen one, the one without a name, the one that met God.
the moist tip of my nose itches
my index finger presses on my eye globe
searching unto the socket for want of to do
feel the callous rub the iris
pushin' it firmly like it is the first time
recognizing a sensation, felt lost
cut off by the root, ignited by the wild waste
awaiting the pain, trembling in shame
an accountability to doubt placated by sound
be it the shouts, kings too merge in fantasy
safe travels met in silent whispers run amok
of our sorry state, nonetheless,
an idea cannot be exterminated
easily.
mold the ground, thy passage a myth
the fluctuation of the reference maddening (truly)
the fallen forest comes alive, erupt branches
sudden bloom springs into song, my head nests
birds of prey seek my liver and I am willing
shelter and shade, nurture and leisure
sustaining this p-perfect state makes one camp
gloriously satisfied to the core, accursed to quit it
the fires nightmare and the flesh a fair trade-off
little prince caress not hate, take guard against hostility
tough love is a thorn in my spine firm still
and no amount of alcohol can dilute the lesser man
I could never aspire to be, a foreshadow of projects past
nor the shadow of those that smelted me, goddammit
to erase ones essence is suicide in a swirling chasm of hate
and I swear I sought hard to be different, stronger despite the fact
the fissure on my reflection, my whole being a descent into the unknown
sought to aid another hopeful the product would feed a distraction
to the beast within there is only known opportunity, ever vigilant
a hummingbird sank my sleep effortlessly, am I dreaming again?
the pull drafts me anew, truly my calling come midnight
a murderer stands trial only once, no parole conceded, to the nines
a free solo that came to a close, slippery feet renew faith
and you might think you are in love, a trope of filthy cliche
and mellows like a poorly aged wine takes solace in the majority vote
resorted to a tutu, a distraction, 'yes' to us all will suffocate the euphoric
you lost the game that you hadn't paid for, yet.
my index finger presses on my eye globe
searching unto the socket for want of to do
feel the callous rub the iris
pushin' it firmly like it is the first time
recognizing a sensation, felt lost
cut off by the root, ignited by the wild waste
awaiting the pain, trembling in shame
an accountability to doubt placated by sound
be it the shouts, kings too merge in fantasy
safe travels met in silent whispers run amok
of our sorry state, nonetheless,
an idea cannot be exterminated
easily.
mold the ground, thy passage a myth
the fluctuation of the reference maddening (truly)
the fallen forest comes alive, erupt branches
sudden bloom springs into song, my head nests
birds of prey seek my liver and I am willing
shelter and shade, nurture and leisure
sustaining this p-perfect state makes one camp
gloriously satisfied to the core, accursed to quit it
the fires nightmare and the flesh a fair trade-off
little prince caress not hate, take guard against hostility
tough love is a thorn in my spine firm still
and no amount of alcohol can dilute the lesser man
I could never aspire to be, a foreshadow of projects past
nor the shadow of those that smelted me, goddammit
to erase ones essence is suicide in a swirling chasm of hate
and I swear I sought hard to be different, stronger despite the fact
the fissure on my reflection, my whole being a descent into the unknown
sought to aid another hopeful the product would feed a distraction
to the beast within there is only known opportunity, ever vigilant
a hummingbird sank my sleep effortlessly, am I dreaming again?
the pull drafts me anew, truly my calling come midnight
a murderer stands trial only once, no parole conceded, to the nines
a free solo that came to a close, slippery feet renew faith
and you might think you are in love, a trope of filthy cliche
and mellows like a poorly aged wine takes solace in the majority vote
resorted to a tutu, a distraction, 'yes' to us all will suffocate the euphoric
you lost the game that you hadn't paid for, yet.
segunda-feira, 21 de outubro de 2019
Blindspots
once known a perfect man
permanent and suave, a statue
of determination and compassion
no stones unraveled, hands built houses
wiped off children tears and consoled all
snuggled words, coy and uplifting
to find his secret was shattering
the impact on which I have yet to recover
fully understood, digested akin to his thrown
the cracks in his tempered armor akin to rapture
the ages themselves froze my anguish
what to do? shivers and general state of panic
the blinds are down, the light dim
the sunlight is exhausting and deepening
in the measure of feeding sadness
creeps through me eating away
at the cage bars relentless, starving
eager to shake off the sores of stillness
to hold that thought entirely
suspend the breakdown and regain control
intervene anew, positive that completion is key
whatever caused it, I'll outlive it stronger
however bitter, raw and crude
disfigured and scarred
sweeter whispers within the closet
clawed by demons that chose to hide inside
one should not be foiled by digital disregard
nor the starry nights caused by fireworks
or the blabber of spitfire words
anent my heart, stand by the knockdown
hitting the deck is a gift
the blind-spots of picking up deep
solace in friends and whatever rings true
a thunderstorm under my skin
ragged by words in turmoil
so the music will have to do
the promise will have to hold
my better side will have to shine through.
permanent and suave, a statue
of determination and compassion
no stones unraveled, hands built houses
wiped off children tears and consoled all
snuggled words, coy and uplifting
to find his secret was shattering
the impact on which I have yet to recover
fully understood, digested akin to his thrown
the cracks in his tempered armor akin to rapture
the ages themselves froze my anguish
what to do? shivers and general state of panic
the blinds are down, the light dim
the sunlight is exhausting and deepening
in the measure of feeding sadness
creeps through me eating away
at the cage bars relentless, starving
eager to shake off the sores of stillness
to hold that thought entirely
suspend the breakdown and regain control
intervene anew, positive that completion is key
whatever caused it, I'll outlive it stronger
however bitter, raw and crude
disfigured and scarred
sweeter whispers within the closet
clawed by demons that chose to hide inside
one should not be foiled by digital disregard
nor the starry nights caused by fireworks
or the blabber of spitfire words
anent my heart, stand by the knockdown
hitting the deck is a gift
the blind-spots of picking up deep
solace in friends and whatever rings true
a thunderstorm under my skin
ragged by words in turmoil
so the music will have to do
the promise will have to hold
my better side will have to shine through.
terça-feira, 8 de outubro de 2019
quinta-feira, 3 de outubro de 2019
the reliable source opens the airways.
whose stranger captured your heart so
opened the cavity forcefully, took it away from me
even exposed to the sun I feel a chill, growing remorse
I don't seem to know who I am to you anymore,
beaten off my system, cough choke implode sunshine
Melodies ajar on my eardrums string my guilt
executioner and jury alone judging myself, I am guilty (indeed)
Rubbed my restrictive shoes in pale laces to be hidden, guilty.
Neurotic and confused, a stark realization many a feet above, somewhere
off where the breeze caresses my naked back and the mind leaps
from wonder to beauty back to the streets where we dreamt of flying all the same
realize that I too could let go and hang by a sturdy thread, sewing my arm
Sawing it off whilst sleep talking out of this lullaby, sew it back darling, rapidly
in fear you might condemn by prejudice what will transpire, do not follow
do not comply, take your meds and look the other way.
underline what is missing,
IT HAS! been days in succession, a collective arms race
to be felt, better, in my opinion, used as subtle ammunition
against my psyche notwithstanding, which one tends to dislike
being under assault, siege, attack! stab-stab-stab
alas, I wake up.
Did I ever get to know you
or was the momentum one of opened window
sea bound, stars aligned and all.
spread wings and farewell to this ol' strange me
ad along these pieces I fall sinking under alarm
one in a million someone said,
owned to the clutch of sleep stalking.
opened the cavity forcefully, took it away from me
even exposed to the sun I feel a chill, growing remorse
I don't seem to know who I am to you anymore,
beaten off my system, cough choke implode sunshine
Melodies ajar on my eardrums string my guilt
executioner and jury alone judging myself, I am guilty (indeed)
Rubbed my restrictive shoes in pale laces to be hidden, guilty.
Neurotic and confused, a stark realization many a feet above, somewhere
off where the breeze caresses my naked back and the mind leaps
from wonder to beauty back to the streets where we dreamt of flying all the same
realize that I too could let go and hang by a sturdy thread, sewing my arm
Sawing it off whilst sleep talking out of this lullaby, sew it back darling, rapidly
in fear you might condemn by prejudice what will transpire, do not follow
do not comply, take your meds and look the other way.
underline what is missing,
IT HAS! been days in succession, a collective arms race
to be felt, better, in my opinion, used as subtle ammunition
against my psyche notwithstanding, which one tends to dislike
being under assault, siege, attack! stab-stab-stab
alas, I wake up.
Did I ever get to know you
or was the momentum one of opened window
sea bound, stars aligned and all.
spread wings and farewell to this ol' strange me
ad along these pieces I fall sinking under alarm
one in a million someone said,
owned to the clutch of sleep stalking.
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