feel (now) less betrayed by surprises
i invite the possibility
the arrival of news are not, necessarily
a tidal wave destined to shakedown the coco tree
of all you hold dear though it tastes sour
opens your head open and makes you overall mood worse
the dullness, frail empty spaces
confusing boredom for safety of rooms filled with sand
kept inside a snail shell we hole ourselves in called home
if i pee in the ocean my tap waters goes green
at least thats what i dreamt of yester-year and
the realization of nonsencical direction
exacerbated my loneliness, engraving It to the chasm
making it worse, at night the road no longer has loveless monsters
nor chained regrets, noisy, desperate familiar spectres
like waking up to realize the distance bridged cannot be leaped backwards
and that shit hurts.
i try to practise what i found myself preaching
'do as i do not as i say'
it sounds insincere when dialed back by a mirror and a record-player
Today I got complemented and although my instinct was to reject it
discard it swiftly and violently
a quick smirk triumphed. dopamine to my acetone.
love is but one facet of emotion,
do you feel loved?
i hold myself open to the interpretation
that surprises will no longer make it any worse.
a set-piece routine could just about placate
the anxiety of separating causality from casuality
timeframe, timestamp the first of -09
selective memory clashes with the provider of bending (rules ending in the ICU)
or worse still,
married to an old friend exchanging a life spent in unbothered shared silence
to amount to a meaningful difference
to carve out an insignicant piece of heaven
until the day of interlocked fingers
be they mine on my grave or otherwise
taking part on a movement of ghosts too unserious to lose
conceding granted that will not bring me closer to developing good sense
i was taught good sense that i chose to ignore
what i want
what i crave
is to say
i do.
