Gone sight seeing

 if it rings true

how bitter dry my mouth has been

despite rainy eyes, shallow and disperse 

its dew a waste of saliva run astray

clothes of moderation cannot conceal salvation

alcohol is not the Higher Power that cures a cowards heart

the award of merit is my own and the judge personal and familiar 

closer to Home, a tribute, don't you hate me, you own me

lying, cheating my patience gazed away in a distance farewell

to the bitter possibilities of change that came to bring me joy

one quick to burn when we met at the crossroad of goodbyes

must we deny happiness at its climax? no celebrations

no more birthday cake, no parents glee, no one left to bury

that was my decision

do not sympathize with the conclusions of my meltdown

I ran and keep running away from stable ground

at least until I have no more friends around, no more time to combat this demons

to find myself in doubt, to drown despite knowing how to float, to swim one needs determination I suppose

if ever a lie I was told, which I recent...father

is how Time does not amend this wound, this pain does not fade

my heart was caged at Home

and nowhere else feels like home.

rather go to hell

 if this dirt that graces my feet

is what separates my future grave from the gates

where angel whispers guard my mother

despite the silence met

the scars left by my journey so far

the graceful passage under the gates must be worthwhile

I'll imagine I would grow indifferent to the horizon

from mighty above, where there is no more struggle 

after all, I suppose I would still hold a grudge

the undertow of what came to pass

like a river that swamps my brethren

and it is compassion that holds me to the ground

self hatred is intoxicating like mulled wine

these seeded chains became familiar

flowers to my bosom, holes to my potted garden 

one I wake up to and I am due return when the slaughter of living smothers me

I cherish the possibility of nurturing new life after the fact

do not deny me L'ord

for that I rather go to hell.

that my friend is too, tough love.

Chambers of uneasy hearts cased in stained glass

 Chambers of uneasy hearts cased in stained glass

you must understand I prayed to become a better man

worthy of devotion, affection and ease of mind

to serenate locked in arms with yours truly 

in the matter that easily belongs to the past, to the fading stars

locking horns with words my lips conceal

the mere suggestion of farewells and goodbyes little girl

are timely lies we could had told our children

in due time hurt can dilute the truth in a fare dosage

one that is sweet like poison, like her touch resting in my head

on that night, by the beach, under a Buda's statue and a shooting star

the panic, the confusion of thunderous realization of whatever else

one could try, anew more less no I don't know fuck

the wall grown to soften the blows and now treads a motherly touch

warm, firm, strong, welcoming, silent and enduring

it rejects not my anguish and violence and for that I am grateful

it is awkward

my compassion nurtured rightfully so

pity the mirror is broken still

petty, I just won't let that scab alone

I tremble for one day too I will discard this friends

without goodbyes have no doubt

trapped in this shell that unfolds backwards