I love coffee (cafeine too)

post-mortem delirium, I saw a man

separate limp from torso, intestines dangling like webs

scatter my room ceiling like an elegant chandelier

what used to be a prisioner of circunstance is now a welcomed guest 

the spider, not the spectrum crawling on a most unholy night

flesh cannot defeat metal nor the concrete curb nor the separation of heart from chest

cavity open when it should be sheltered, beating and truly alive

blood is a most unsettling sight, a reminder heaven is a breath away

beloved leave the scene. disregard the photographs they are meant for the evidence report

given a choice 

friends today are the enemies post haste firing the same strays

that shutdown your valid (or frantic feelings) 

know not what they have given away willingly for little to no benefit

fruit of circunstance da-ra-da-randar

no feet, do not stray

onto my mouth even by accident, I cannot stop them

an avalanche of communal perplexing awkwardness (difuse it with a claim for genetic stupidity)

no, I won't take it back: (feelings are chemical anyway)

didn't save a receit and quite frankly haven't figured out this whole adulthood (yet)

in the same veins run enticement for pain and an allergy to genuine affection

an affliction infringing on personal grounds burnt to core, ashe to the point;

all to nothing and I got here just fine across the pond under, down, down, under.

wounds do not betray, they remedy by act of translucent masquerade

stumbling about in pursuit of an evaporate state of aloofness, a typical refuge to hide

common fears, doubts plain to the general eye

if I dance I sway and no longer deny, hide and go to painful clashes to evade

the call to move in uncontrolled mayhem at the ready to pay the piper

an age of gladness

toes in, tap, tap, tap

even if misunderstood I follow

a metric (metro) sound that eventually shall put me to sleep.   

if hell is where hope is sent to die

to limbo I shan't go

my knees dread the jump, skip and hoop rope rodeo

released from the coffin my heart has been set loose

signed and past-dated, gated and chained no longer

a trail ran cold, a chill lingers in the air

oh good lord those howls aren't dogs at all?

or surely the domesticated sort

how many bodies can my attic conceal

limps reaching the ceilling in a messy senseless rebellion

against space, a disgrace of unfanthomable proportions

sinners deserve the fire but times are hard, oh so tense

economy runs wide and large and we cannot spare further pyre 

the magical number is the unsettling sort

not quite the power struggle of the narrow airways

brushed off whenever the party has died down

and we greet for one, last, time: farewell

snap, crack, tap; make them feel defeated

you are what you eat after all, not what you fuck (up)

good lord they think they can outrun me, aha

to smother is to regain control by borrowing time

to lie is to sound less ingrateful to the poor sods pleading for air

risen to dive in a pursuit anew

an ocean of souls betrays the lack of oxygen received

saturated by lines afloat, reeking of troubling desires

perfume, meant to seduce and attract

ensares, traps just the same

bones feel like porcelane when the call goes adrift

do I dare look back at what I have become,

is there, ahead, past the blurry horizon

precipice or crossroad;

salvation or dammnation

our forebearers do call, warn and protest

choice words we adamant steel ourselves again in natural progress

an irrelevant attempt at biting back in anger, protesting a fury

now dull, now echo.

you dont know what you have

until you lose it

isn't that a trial that fire cannot erase. 

close

the door, so the house

feels less

empty;

the draft

scares (them):

I open the airways

and what seems to be

spoken does not belong.

I tab my head, my eyeballs

a rush of seasons, frothing at the mouth

a blessing, a dizzy spell, weightless

purposeless too, upload that and distribute it as a reward?

I appeal and plead for fantasy, creativity

I teach spoken word and disconstruct disrepair 

I appear to be the same, palpitations deliberating whether thats a necessity 

adjacent to the arcane forces of wander and machinery

misunderstood as ran falsehood, the Internet has far rised past

Babel and its splendor, no wonder it casts a mighty shadow

atop crushed cultists swearing the upcoming final dawn

sacrificing brawn and mighty for talks of gold, wits and burning pyres of artificial intellect

capable of frank converse and creative genius

tasting palpable terror adrift a waiting game

sheep bleed real enough if sliced

and taste (like marital trials can too educate if one concedes not all that is sugar becomes caramel)

delicious. (divine guardian outside the hospital)

a man lost accepts to talk without pretense

when (they hide words inside a design)

confronted with the sheer magnitute of the habitat that nurses him

when, inside a building capable of displaying the true magnitute of mankind potential

such as a catedral the undeniable potential smacks him shut commanding worship

and finally when crushed by granite, now laid death by a ravine having taken a stroll by the hill

wrong turn, muddy pavement and now lonely, thats quite the problem

no matter what you do, time is a borrowed currency

saline in taste and of substandard make

a known quantity to both butchers and governors

a downpour, indoors at the steps of the turn of the colour leaves

a mop won't salvage this house from a deluge but a sea of bodies from that mob

just might, should they be real and not a reverie of retribution

at least angelic music is positively enchanting on autuum breeze. 

what else is there to tell? to whom

keeper of the frontier

salute the bitter elders, bless the ungrateful youth

it is a gorgeous afternoon where rain falls free

in parallels draw in both curtain and skin

should one just reach

before or after indifferent to

closing the door. 

I (do not) know

who whispers under my ear

occupies the periphery of my glasses

and agitates my soul as the spell

of boredom reignites numbers and troubles

come aknocking, a mockery of a worrying tide

today-tomorrow-freak frenzy-weekend

mesmerizing grace, oozing confort and confidence

strikes me foolishly awake

as if emerging to a stage wide enough for two

where prior this soiled cage compressed bone to fused skin

trouble to the narrow split burning mind,

fairness loaded to rules and the right to rule

gets between me and you

yes all of you and it wound me further to

negotiate with apparations, ideals

that consolidate, remnants of scarless shine

perfection incarnate for they are where I shone brightest

happy as I am still for in sleep I turn and burn,

I shout, scream, fly and cry

as a child I heard her callback

now I dread to think what I would be ready to abdicate

"Just let me go or take me with you" 

a plain refusal to engage, for I trust

(I know) the die I cast is a gamble worth a grin

for I believe it is the day I die I shall remember

the password, the codename, her nickname, her silluete and her name

of my imaginary friend as a child 

or the ghost haunting me in uneven grace

to this day.  

October reminds me

of a broken fairytale napping in

the backend of my shattered mind

snippets of a lonely fairy foretold by

a drunken third grade teacher at 10 in the

tropical morning chain smoking a senerate 

pictural scene of wonder, tragedy and lost playground games;

memories, counting and recounting parallels alibis

shared white lies and lullabies, bled by the pavement or our fathers belts 

of sweeter ends and love for all, let us share and tell by tracing fingers on moldy faded pictures

savages truly, an impossibility held barely together by betatin and stolen corn  

not a trial nor a condensed retaliation against Fate

destiny gifth and taketh

but the greatest lie strikes me firmly that Time does walk

besides oneself and the feelings grow numb still

blurry digits, ants crawl, phantoms haunt and give chase

on ever shadow, eyes narrow, obssess over movement

I must confess I detest the October blues

running deep, inescapable

delusion is to plead internally

from where safety is a mirage 

and from pained, dragged echoes 

one can only find misery and exausting dissapointment.

frozen in space,

it beacons THAT dread

stripping my sanity, sleep and serenity 

from cosmical wonders we pay tribute

to gasp in momentarily devotion, 

from little compreension: tribulation/attrition

in this storm I hope

the Eclipse involving me may spare

me the kindness of a

uneventful death of peace of mind.

my soul is bound to another and this shore

two broken shards do not match nor agree

in partaking of a resolution

sand reminds of a wasteland

and the word Waste triggers me further

into what abandonment eyelids can dissolve

in far greater fortitude than violence and stumbling 

to the force of gravity, rewarded with bruises

I used to have vertigo because of this same conflict

of wanting to want not to fly but being curious to peek

under the veil in grave longing

are Heaven gates golden or green?

if not myself, would you acompany me this Eclipse oh gone by September

call you brother November, promised to another

fuse me to the grounded embers, lukewarm

err on the side of wantings to cross the road

someone has to transport the chicken 

not for a reward, I am not that fiendish

the fox gets there first and the riddle remains unsolved

I only competed in this silly problem-solving games for the sake

of fishing for complements held against my name

with glee, radiant and sunny

shields ran on solar batteries still

moral letter from oneself delivered to a better untainted self

served in order to desist, honest tension

I see youth in a state of absolute panic paper thin

if I apologize for existing they let it go

as if I had a say in that excuse? 

Pull a face, match the facade and let's go. 

pastor

if I fall I trust

the ground shall be met

entirely, with sympathy if slowly

as the choir echoes towards voids embrace

we reminience as if caught, luckily, before we slipped underground

assured the sea breeze carries news whichever shape

they may be, occupying space 

tiresome when you rush to be spent

with a friend, past tense, that you discarded

a while ago:

a letdown to die lonely,

pitiful the murderer that chains an innocent life to his own

so as not to be frozen alone for the road they walk

is not connected and now there is one more specter

not to be confused with an unloved ghost; 

in the fringes theres a forest wild fire

not quite the march towards the wall as the salut

opens fire on your naked chest

waking up somewhat feral

curve to form, a bad omen to reconnect

hurt to intent, time scars just as alcohol burns and ignites

a opportunity is shared potential, both can waste and Be wasted 

igniting a lost fight condeemed to be let loose

destroyed then, disposed later

I may grow older, despite remaining sober

what was once broken has grown rustier still

in disuse or abuse, there was neglect and lamental misguided touch

who could fix Pinocchio now?

if not the whale, left to drown. 

it haunts me, assaulted in waves

betrayed by the bitterness of truth

infused by beating heart activating landmines

clicking cups out of repertoires

blurry faces

'not enough experience', what do you propose I do then?

in this spectable one has to learn and to hold to hopes

the experience won't sour the mood entirely

if what's left of my bruised knees is dignity

abandon the pieces: rebuild.

 

/understand I won't ask again

last time I got shoved

the skin tore I lament

the trust they took I care little about

discontent from dusk to a wave and a nod

in seeding discontent, lesser peace of mind/

extinguished

unresponsive, darting eyes are bullets

offshoot from the road distant from the path

hurtin' by the lack of limp; pigment on the target#

~nightmares the creature feels aproaching the call~

at long last the method to the madness

afinity interlinked

minus the ruptured muscles, broken bones

do souls dance above or beneath the oceans?

are they full of love or is it rapture they crave

does breathing erupte all delusion

are we on a timer exorbitant in weight

for heavy are the words kept at a carefully minimum

it is at odds gold and promises that anchor good, dignant men

to the chambers of corruption

awaiting another

a mirage best believed quietly

that time mends carefully beneath it all

in truth dirty oily fingers plague my water at a stir

blood drips where teeth, lips and tongue should dance and meet

my thirst shall not know remedy

nor be extinguished

bones are not cages:

they protect, they hold you tight and they break

swallowing keys and blades cannot fulfil any depth

they only ensure theres less of you to reach out for

answers that are not prayers

infusions that diffuse illusions that hurt the most

do you think the Devil knows?

beyond what particles and the fabric matter

step by word by choice working out viper from the trees

does he know any better by now?

the creases in my face hold emotion and age poorly spent

floating, bouncing off wants and tells now turned echoes

an unwilling participant in a joint race

I chance a recognition of hair, skin and chipped tooth adrift

have we taken a wrong turn or is it too soon to panic? to fallout or blackout?

I dont know what I want alas

I want to want something that will not bring me down.